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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP wants to loan money from me

258 replies

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 19:47

DP’s business is going through a rough patch, he has outstanding invoices that are due to be paid in 3- 6 months that will get him back on track.

He is running out of money to live and run his business and has asked me to assist him financially until he gets paid and will then reimburse me. Amount as of yet, unknown.

We have been together 3 years, don’t live together and had our ups and downs. He’s struggling with depression due to his situation but also not able or willing to support me in ways I need, like emotionally and physically, because of this.

He has lied to me about his financial position in the past. Exaggerated his income and net worth to impress me at the beginning. Would I be crazy to loan him money?

OP posts:
Feelingstrange2 · 21/04/2024 20:07

He has a business and needs to keep that separate from personal. Factoring is what he's looking for and if they won't support him then ask yourself why.

If he has a good relationship with the people he has invoiced he should be talking to them about immediate payments, even in stages.

He should be sorting out his business with a strategy not by breaking into his personal.life.

Don't help.

Elieza · 21/04/2024 20:15

I'd be all I'm really sorry but I'm not in a position to loan or even give you money.

How does he usually manage in these circumstances?

WalkingaroundJardine · 21/04/2024 20:18

No. He needs to do cash flow planning if the invoices are
3-6 month terms. That’s not a temporary problem and you could be asked to do this regularly after the first time around.

CadyEastman · 21/04/2024 20:18

Yes you'd be mad. No you won't get the money back.

Is there a reason he can't get finance elsewhere or have those avenues bed. Explored already and been refused?

Pigeonqueen · 21/04/2024 20:23

No no no. You’d be mad to do this.

savethatkitty · 21/04/2024 20:23

I'd be exiting this relationship. It will never improve. And he will never be financially stable. Sorry.

Original poster
Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 20:26

Elieza · 21/04/2024 20:15

I'd be all I'm really sorry but I'm not in a position to loan or even give you money.

How does he usually manage in these circumstances?

He has borrowed from an ex before and paid them back, he tells me.

He has a habit of spending big once the cash comes in but is adamant he has learnt his lesson this time. Plus the invoice is very large so would last for a long time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 20:28

CadyEastman · 21/04/2024 20:18

Yes you'd be mad. No you won't get the money back.

Is there a reason he can't get finance elsewhere or have those avenues bed. Explored already and been refused?

So apparently other finance means have been exhausted and no one wants to loan him the money. I don’t know if I believe this though or he just hasn’t had the capacity with his depression and stress to look into it properly.

OP posts:
ClareBlue · 21/04/2024 20:28

Legitimate invoices are never so complicated a financial institution can not understand them. That's BS for a start.
If he can not manage the cash flow to avoid asking you to sub him then the business isn't viable and he needs to find alternatives
Don't do it

Feelingstrange2 · 21/04/2024 20:29

Remember the invoice needs to repay what he's borrowed on it. Plus act as cash flow for the period before he's paid for the next one. And tax.

murasaki · 21/04/2024 20:29

If no one wants to lend him money, ask yourself why that might be.

He's not a good bet for paying it back. Run. Fast.

Couldyounot · 21/04/2024 20:29

If a factoring company genuinely won't touch him - and there are some pretty unfussy operators out there - then something's very dodgy here

heldinadream · 21/04/2024 20:29

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 20:26

He has borrowed from an ex before and paid them back, he tells me.

He has a habit of spending big once the cash comes in but is adamant he has learnt his lesson this time. Plus the invoice is very large so would last for a long time.

Show quote history

He tells you?
He's adamant he's learnt his lesson?
Sweetheart. Wakey-wakey!

CadyEastman · 21/04/2024 20:30

So apparently other finance means have been exhausted and no one wants to loan him the money.

You know that means that they won't lend him the money because they don't think m he's good for it don't you?

Blobblobblob · 21/04/2024 20:30

Total bullshit. He can't get finance because there's something wrong. Do not give him the money, you'd be better off burning it and at least getting some warmth from the flames.

You already know he's a liar!

exomoon · 21/04/2024 20:30

He is not a good businessman, that is reason enough to not lend him money.

If you do need another reason, I can almost guarantee you won’t see this money again if you break up.

Brumhilda · 21/04/2024 20:31

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 20:28

So apparently other finance means have been exhausted and no one wants to loan him the money. I don’t know if I believe this though or he just hasn’t had the capacity with his depression and stress to look into it properly.

Show quote history

I definitely believe that no one wants to loan him the money.

and he can cut the depression bullshit out.

this is either fucking business or it isn’t, depression has nothing to do with the validity of the invoices or the likelihood of getting paid - which is nil by the way.

everythinglooksbetterpaintedblack · 21/04/2024 20:31

He needs to pay his tax is my bet.

MeridianB · 21/04/2024 20:31

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 20:00

He says he can’t get a loan as he’s had no income for the last year as he gets paid in lump sums for larger invoices as that’s how the business works. There are dry patches. I’ve suggested credit cards to bridge the gap and invoice finance but he says the invoices are so complicated that banks won’t loan… so basically I am his only option to get through this.

Sorry OP but based on this I think he’s lying to you with the invoices talk. I suspect the truth is closer to him having no or very low income in the last year. In which case, especially as he’s depressed, is he likely to be able to turn this around and pay you back?

Mostly, as you have not been together long and it doesn’t sound as if he will make this loan formal and manage to repay it, it would be a hard no.

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/04/2024 20:31

What do you think the answer is, OP? What would you advise a friend?

GreatGateauxsby · 21/04/2024 20:32

The split voting is a reflection of your question which is poorly phrased. I mean this factually not pedantically.

The long and short is you shouldn’t give him a penny and you would be very stupid to expect any of the money you do “loan” him back

Crapuscular · 21/04/2024 20:33

Suggest to him that you'll need to consult a financial advisor to draw up a legal contract regarding a loan.
Watch him squirm.

Therealjudgejudy · 21/04/2024 20:34

Hell. No.

He is a finacial disaster...

unsync · 21/04/2024 20:34

Unless you can afford to lose this money, do not lend it. You are not responsible for the success or failure of his business, he is. It is up to him to finance and operate his business in such a way that he can earn a living. If he can't do that, he needs to get a job.

If he cannot get bank support or factor his invoices, it means that his business is viewed as high risk. Is that a risk you are willing to take on? What is he proposing? Is there a contract? Security? Interest rate?

My exH had a business, he was shit at managing the money side too. I 'lent' him money, he still owes me over £100,000.00. We split in 2017, I will never see that money again. Don't do it.

Also, dump him. You don't need that shitshow in your life. It messes with your head.

Anameisaname · 21/04/2024 20:34

Look if you are in a committed relationship then you can find some ways to help. Can he move in with you ? Sublet his place and save some cash? You could offer to buy some essentials. But if I was in your position I'd either be offering practical help eg some food shops or chasing invoices rather than loaning a lump sum. That way you can control how much and you can view this as gifts not loans.
You've also not said the amount vs what you have. If you are on 100k per annum and he wants £100, totally different story to you being on 30k and him wanting 10k.
That's why I'd focus on practical help not a big cheque

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