Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP wants to loan money from me

258 replies

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 19:47

DP’s business is going through a rough patch, he has outstanding invoices that are due to be paid in 3- 6 months that will get him back on track.

He is running out of money to live and run his business and has asked me to assist him financially until he gets paid and will then reimburse me. Amount as of yet, unknown.

We have been together 3 years, don’t live together and had our ups and downs. He’s struggling with depression due to his situation but also not able or willing to support me in ways I need, like emotionally and physically, because of this.

He has lied to me about his financial position in the past. Exaggerated his income and net worth to impress me at the beginning. Would I be crazy to loan him money?

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 22/04/2024 07:29

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:44

He told me he would have to give up being a director (limited company) and fold the company if he took work elsewhere as it wasn’t allowed?

He has fulfilled the invoice that is due to pay later this year and has new contracts coming up that he is yet to fulfil. I am taking his word for all of this though.

Show quote history

That's an outright lie. My DH is an IT consultant. We are both directors of a limited company he uses for contracts, but he has taken a couple of permanent roles in the past when work was slow. You do not have to shut down the company. Total bullshit.

Lazydomestic · 22/04/2024 07:31

He told me he would have to give up being a director (limited company) and fold the company if he took work elsewhere as it wasn’t allowed?

Absolute bollox
You can be PAYE, Contractor as well as being a Director of your own Company.
If he is thinking conflict of interest- he signs an agreement included in employment contract about not approaching clients directly or they can sue him for lost revenues

Cassie71 · 22/04/2024 07:47

Is his business a mlm? How much is he asking for? How does he pay for rent/mortgage and living expenses ?

Woohow · 22/04/2024 07:57

This may sound like a silly question but have you ever met this person irl? Because this REALLY sounds like a romance scam now I've thought about it a bit longer!

Newestname002 · 22/04/2024 07:58

@Throwaway555

So apparently other finance means have been exhausted and no one wants to loan him the money. I don’t know if I believe this though or he just hasn’t had the capacity with his depression and stress to look into it properly.

If he's been denied a loan by other avenues he's approached that should tell you a good deal. I would not chance the possibility of you lending him money either for his business or personally as it sounds the odds of you getting your money back sounds remote.

He does not sound astute in how he manages his business finances and I'd keep well clear. 🌹

DuchesseNemours · 22/04/2024 08:05

so basically I am his only option to get through this.

Yes, because he is not trustworthy to lend money to and everyone else can see that - he's hoping you can't.

These are the last, desperate acts of someone who's business is closing and they just cannot accept it yet.

BMW6 · 22/04/2024 08:08

OP I worked for HMRC for over 30 years.

I've dealt with the tax affairs of countless people who had several directorships AND were employed full time.

Even MP's can hold Directorships whilst being f/t MP FFS!

He's talking absolute bollocks. 💯 shite.

aberamagold · 22/04/2024 08:19

OP I hope you have read through this thread.
EVERY single poster is telling you not to lend him any money.
He is not a good person, he is lying to you. Dump him and move on.

DancesWithBadgers · 22/04/2024 08:21

You seem to be taking a lot on faith here. He says a lot, but what evidence has he actually presented to back up what he says? About any of it. He says for example he had an amicable split with a woman who loaned him money which he says he paid back - what do you have other than his word that this is true?

One thing for sure is NOT true - that he has learned his lesson, because if he had he’d not be asking yet another woman to bail him out.

If he was above board and not lying to you you’d feel able to ask him for evidence about his finances, as his partner and someone he is asking for a favour. Actually, he would have already offered to give you more than just his words to go on. But instead he’s been treating you badly and being moody with you. Which seems to have made you question whether you should investigate more about the truth of what he’s saying. Dunno, seems kind of manipulative on his part to me.

Toooldforthis36 · 22/04/2024 08:22

please do not do this. It won’t end well x

IncompleteSenten · 22/04/2024 08:23

So he's a liar, a fantasist, treats you like shit and wants your money.

I can see why you love him so much. He sounds great.

CadyEastman · 22/04/2024 08:27

@Throwaway555 have you already given him the money?

Only you seem quite defensive of his behaviour and have said a couple of times that he can't be conning you because he's not supporting you on other ways.

His behaviour can be easily explained, he's an entitled, self-centred twat and once your money runs out he'll move on.

The comments on this thread have pointed out his many lies and I haven't seen one post to say you should hand over your savings to this unreliable liar.

I honestly can't see what you're getting out of this relationship.

kiwiane · 22/04/2024 08:27

I would not risk mixing your finances with his business. If he is not really in trouble he’d be able to ask a bank for support. He would then have to plan to pay them back - presumably he thinks of your money as his to use and you won’t see it again.

mrsbyers · 22/04/2024 08:27

Ask to see the invoices then call the customer just to check they have received them

Workawayxx · 22/04/2024 08:31

I wouldn’t lend him the money unless you’re actually a millionaire and it’s a small amount! there’s too much that doesn’t add up here (the extended invoice terms etc) and he isn’t even nice and supportive towards you.

It’s totally fine to be a director of a company and take some paid employment. Invoices don’t become “void” either. He could look into invoice factoring services where you get a % of your invoice upfront from a company and they get the money from the customer.

grinandslothit · 22/04/2024 08:31

How much money is he wanting from you?

Sounds like a con artist. he's probably sponged money off of his ex and anyone else who would give him money

acatcalledjohn · 22/04/2024 08:35

He told me he would have to give up being a director (limited company) and fold the company if he took work elsewhere as it wasn’t allowed?

Unless there is a contractual obligation, or a conflict of interest, his company can keep running as normal.

He's playing you like a fiddle.

https://www.mad-hr.co.uk/blog/can-you-stop-an-employee-from-taking-a-second-job

CatherinedeBourgh · 22/04/2024 08:36

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:44

He told me he would have to give up being a director (limited company) and fold the company if he took work elsewhere as it wasn’t allowed?

He has fulfilled the invoice that is due to pay later this year and has new contracts coming up that he is yet to fulfil. I am taking his word for all of this though.

Show quote history

For many jobs no, he would not have to give up being a director, and certainly would not have to fold the company.

My mother did this for her brother, he still owes her 100k he will never pay off (the company folded in the end, it was not long term viable).

Capmagturk · 22/04/2024 08:37

You'd be crazy to loan it. If he doesn't support you, isn't keen to make any positive changes to his situation such as admit his business is failing and he needs an employed job. I'd not be hanging around never mind loaning money.

MissHarrietBede · 22/04/2024 08:40

so basically I am his only option to get through this

FUCK THAT NOISE. NO!

LightSpeeds · 22/04/2024 08:48

"not able or willing to support me in ways I need, like emotionally and physically, because of this.

He has lied to me about his financial position in the past. Exaggerated his income and net worth"

He's clearly not a great catch.

So, you should probably be asking yourself if you should continue with the relationship, above whether to lend him money.

NettleTea · 22/04/2024 08:50

my DP is a director in their family farm, which is a ltd company AND he has a FT job in local government. If anyone was going to be funny about outside work, local gov would be it. It would only likely be an issue if it was a company in direct competition. But to pick up a few hours doing something quick and easy to get work in, no it wont be any kind of issue

Also as others say - IF he previously had to borrow from an ex he hasnt learned to manage his cashflow
IF he spent up big, and this is a 'tendancy' then he hasnt learned to manage his cashflow
IF he has a business with big contracts paid at intervals through the year and he has run out of cash 6-9 months into the year, he hasnt learned to manage his cashflow
IF the money earned each year is enough to live, a bank will be able to assess and lend, or a 0% credit card would be an option

The only reason its not an option is because his credit score or earnings are shite

If he cannot manage his cashflow he is either shite with money and this is going to be a regular occurance for your relationship, or he isnt actually earning enough to live and needs an employment alongside his self employment

NettleTea · 22/04/2024 08:54

plus the moody and unsupportive is him sulking to get his own way, putting it all on you as the reason his business fails.
he is hoping you are so desperate for his attention that you will pay up.
be warned that this is his MO - withdraw affection and support until you come in line.

Unfortuantely for him that doesnt seem to be working for you, as you are viewing the moodiness as a reason you dont want to help, but if he'd knocked your self esteem enough it might have. I imagine that when you refuse he will break up with you, or threaten to do so.

Morechocmorechoc · 22/04/2024 08:57

Never known invoicing to work like that. He is lying through his teeth

OldTinHat · 22/04/2024 08:59

He doesn't want to 'loan money from you'. He wants to borrow money from you or he wants you to loan him money.

Anyway, say no.