DP wants to loan money from me

[Throwaway555]

DP’s business is going through a rough patch, he has outstanding invoices that are due to be paid in 3- 6 months that will get him back on track.

He is running out of money to live and run his business and has asked me to assist him financially until he gets paid and will then reimburse me. Amount as of yet, unknown.

We have been together 3 years, don’t live together and had our ups and downs. He’s struggling with depression due to his situation but also not able or willing to support me in ways I need, like emotionally and physically, because of this.

He has lied to me about his financial position in the past. Exaggerated his income and net worth to impress me at the beginning. Would I be crazy to loan him money?

So at least twice now (that you know of) he has ended up relying on his partners to keep his business afloat. He really must suck at this lucrative business thing.

DP, I’m not in a position to lend you money but I’d love to support you and help you get through this in other ways. Let’s sit together and look at your company accounts and all the invoices that are due and see what we can work out together. I’m happy to help you look for loans and other financial help. Now show me those invoices so I can help.

I doubt he will let you. He only wants your money.

Whether he would have to give up his business depends on what kind of business it is. Usually, you would only be asked to do that if it was in direct conflict. He could get a part time job in a supermarket in the short term - running his own business on the side. No problem.

This also begs the question. Why is his invoice not due to be paid immediately if he's done the work?

But he doesn't need to be nice as you are still considering doing it when you know he's an abusive liar! Why would he make the effort?

Rubbish. There is no such rule.

You'd likely have to notify a new employer if you had another job (which is what owning a company is) so they could determine if there was a conflict of interest in employing you, but there is no such rule to preclude you from taking another job and forcing you to close down your company.

For example, the motor industry is a shit show right now for access to parts and slow paying insurance companies so, let's say your DP is a mechanic with his own business. He does an insurance job and has had to buy parts, but the insurance company isn't going to pay him for 90 days. If he went for a job interview at another car garage, they have no power to force him to close the other business and forego money from work he's already done, but they might choose to not employ him for risk of him leaving again when his own business picks back up, but that's a very different thing compared to him not being allowed to own his own business.

The biggest red flag is that no-one else will lend to him.

Only give him what you're willing to never see again.

Manipulation.
You're supposed to be worried about him.
You're supposed to want to swoop in and fix it for him.
You're supposed to save him and believe he'll be ever so grateful and love you so much and you'll live happily ever after.

Of course, in reality he'll bleed you dry then start looking for his next target.

Your AIBU is unclear - let me clarify

YABU to consider lending money to this man. He has lied to me about his financial position in the past. Exaggerated his income and net worth to impress me at the beginning. Would I be crazy to loan him money?

Yes

If he has a business; then he has the ability to get in touch with any creditors to make payment arrangements until his invoices are paid.

Bullshit
My husband has his own company - and also has a job. It just means that his PAYE income is taken into account when doing his company returns.

And if he has fulfilled the job for the invoice - then why isnt it being paid now? Why is it being paid "later" in the year?

To many red flags when i read all your updates.

So you've had lots of good responses here letting you have the information that I think that your gut has already been telling you - he can get work outside of being a Ltd company, he can explore alternative means of money & loans, he can reflect on his own cash flow management but it seems he doesn't & pressuring you to risk your funds on someone who's not a good horse to bet on.
The fact that you are taking everything he's saying as he sounds like he is a person who gets angry if you question stuff so you are left without the detail on stuff any other person would be able to explain or show you.
What I think you need now is a strategy or set of words to use to say no.
You know the next time he'll ask, the type of scenario it'll be, how he'll frame it. Tell us here and we will help you formulate a response. It's always easier when you have had time to prepare your answer. It sounds like you're going to need some of that support as I see that whilst people are accusing you of being naive, and that might feel upsetting, it seems like instead you're trusting and yet your gut is telling you the stuff he's spouting doesn't hold up but you struggle to respond back confidently. One thing I know from Mumsnet is that this community helps you to increase your confidence & people have lived through a lot of what you're going through so they can help guide & give practical suggestions.
Just keep asking stuff on this thread & figure it all out as you go.
Brief summary- don't allow him to borrow money. You're not helping.

The OP has run for the hills as she has probably loaned him the money anyway

He's a liar. You cannot trust him I'm afraid.

Because it’s all bollocks.

So much of your post doesn’t make sense. Invoices typically have a period of time to be paid, 30!days is usually the longest and that’s for large companies dealing with corporations. Smaller companies have much lesser timescales. If he had a genuine business model with proven turnover etc he would be able to get business finance.

he’s a scammer and using you. Get rid and give him nothing. You deserve better.

I have read each and every one of your messages. Thank you.

Mumsnet really is a community and I have decided after laying out the facts to you, listening to your advice and take on the situation, plus going over them myself, that the information he is giving me simply does not add up. Which I suppose I knew deep down anyway. It screams of desperation to me and I honestly think he’s got himself into a mess that he can’t figure out how to get out of and is just not thinking logically.

If the topic comes up again (which I’m sure it will) I will be asking all the right questions and will offer to help him in other ways other than financial. Eg, chase the invoices and help him find invoice financing, credit cards etc. I’ll be keeping my (relatively small amount of) savings to myself.

OP, if you are at all tempted to lend him or his company money, make sure you receive all the information that a commercial lender would require. You need to see copies of all bank statements, copies of all outstanding invoices, copies of commercial contracts, cash flow projections, everything. Before you make your decision. If you then decide to lend, get everything in writing, including terms of repayment.

Im glad it's helped to talk things out.
I agree with pookerrod - if for any reason you are tempted to financially help, get the entirety of the information & agree written terms. If he's not willing to do all that then he's not someone who cares about you or your welfare so that will tell you another part of the tale about your relationship

I mean, he's obviously lying. This isn't true. You can own a company and also have salaried employment elsewhere.
Lots of red flags here.
You have no way of knowing that his ex ever even lent him money or the amount etc. So if that's his 'reference' for being able to pay you back then its ridiculous.
3-6 months is quite vague. How long are the payment terms he gives his customers? If its such a huge amount that he lives off it for a long time its quite surprising that he doesn't get a deposit up front or do split payment terms. If it's all done on a credit basis and the customer has at least 3-6 months to pay then he must have a trading history with them to trust that they'll pay their bill and in good time.
So it's his own fault for not budgeting his money appropriately to account for this. Especially if this is his usual income.

Having a friend who behaves this way is fine - you would never look to commit / share finances and no direct consequence to you. Being in a relationship is very different- how can you plan a committed long term relationship where finances will always be an issue & you know the capacity to deceive

I'm so glad you've read the posts, considered them and what he's telling you and have decided to keep your money.

Now to have a think about how you're benefiting from having him in your life

I'm glad you've taken in the messages of how messed up his finances are, and how he is lying about it.

Now please think about the fact that he doesn't support you at all emotionally, the fact that you don't live together and consider ending the relationship entirely.

It's clear to people on here that this is all one way and that you are the only one offering any kind of support. You can do better. Get rid of this one, he's genuinely bringing nothing but stress to you and it's all about him. He's utterly self centred.

@Throwaway555

If you then decide to lend, get everything in writing, including terms of repayment.

This is good advice but, sadly, having everything in writing doesn't guarantee OP will get her money back, if she's foolish to hand Vit over to him. Really OP, keep your money far away from this man. 🌹

I can believe it only too well; others have probably experienced his lies and ridiculous excuses to the point where he's literally run out of credit, so now he's tried it on you

Well done on making the right decision though; you're doing the wise thing to offer advice rather than money, but do expect pushback and insistence that his case is somehow "different"

You can check his accounts on companies house for free.
Just that, anonymise them and poast them here and then it will be obvious.

Thank you.

I’ve looked it up on CH and there isn’t really much to see as there’s no profit or loss on the accounts. Just an amount after any outstanding loans, so retained earnings. (Small amount)

Then also a large tax amount. I don’t understand what this would be for as it would mean he has earned a lot of money…

Any ideas?

He's not paying his taxes for years on end, probably, so it's outstanding tax, interest and penalties.

He's likely to get angry with you and threaten suicide to scare you into handing over the savings he's got his beady little eyes on, by the way.