Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP wants to loan money from me

258 replies

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 19:47

DP’s business is going through a rough patch, he has outstanding invoices that are due to be paid in 3- 6 months that will get him back on track.

He is running out of money to live and run his business and has asked me to assist him financially until he gets paid and will then reimburse me. Amount as of yet, unknown.

We have been together 3 years, don’t live together and had our ups and downs. He’s struggling with depression due to his situation but also not able or willing to support me in ways I need, like emotionally and physically, because of this.

He has lied to me about his financial position in the past. Exaggerated his income and net worth to impress me at the beginning. Would I be crazy to loan him money?

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 21/04/2024 21:52

Ahahahaha, sorry he is taking you for a mug.

He absolutely can be a director of his own ltd company AND get off his arse and stack shelves in tesco/sling burgers for McDonalds.

The only thing he probably wouldn't be able to do is work for a company whose contract states that employees can't be directors of similar companies. And theres no need for him to do that.

loropianalover · 21/04/2024 21:53

OP I’m worried that you haven’t clarified anywhere that you will not be giving him this loan. Please don’t give him money.

As someone else said if you are in a committee and otherwise good relationship, there are other ways you can help. Can he stay with you and sublet his place, can you cover some groceries etc.

It does not add up that he cannot use a credit card and it’s not good enough that he doesn’t have ANYTHING to tide him over for the next few months until invoices are paid. Aside from everything else, the fact he is incapable of saving and is a grown man with his own ‘lucrative’ company yet seemingly not even £100 in savings should be a red flag for you.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/04/2024 21:53

The last paragraph especially sealed the decision to write yes you would be crazy to lend him money.

He should take a loan out or sell things

shuffleofftobuffalo · 21/04/2024 21:54

Lend as much as you're prepared to lose without argument/resentment, because you will lose it.

I think the right amount is £zero.

AmandaHoldensLips · 21/04/2024 21:55

I ran a successful business for 20 years. What he's saying doesn't add up. (In fact sounds like bullshit.)

In any case, if what he is saying is even half true then he is trading while insolvent.

Do not give him money. You'll never see it again.

And don't stand for him trying to guilt you into it either. Bloody cheek.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 21/04/2024 21:56

You can have a job and a company at the same time. He’s lying to you.

cheeseonwheels · 21/04/2024 21:59

He's lying to you. I would not lend him a penny.
A credit report may show you things are dodgy but it may not, depending on how far into the shit he is, that may not yet be reflected on a credit report. I would check out the company on companies house and see whether all returns have been submitted on time, more out of interest than anything else. I would also do a director search on him to see if he has a history of failed companies.
I work in the construction sector, standard invoice terms for us are 45-60 days and that's with working with some enormous companies so the 6 month thing doesn't ring true for me at all.

At the end of the day it doesn't really matter if he's telling the truth or not tbh, if he is incapable of managing his cash flow then he is incapable of running a company.

MrsCobbit · 21/04/2024 21:59

The word is “borrow”.

Eze · 21/04/2024 21:59

He’s busy spinning some shite isn’t he. You’re his only hope. Only you can save him. He can’t work. Big money is coming (honest).

If you decide to give him money you won’t see it again. If he cons you once he’ll spin more bullshit and extort more money from you.

Say no and watch his reaction. A reasonable person would accept your answer. Someone after your money will try to wheedle round your no to convince you to say yes then become very angry when you stick to your boundary.

StormingNorman · 21/04/2024 22:00

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:25

He says he is unable to get a ‘job’ because they would make him close down his company and then those unpaid invoices would be void. I suspect it’s a pride thing to have to tell people he’s had to resort to a job.

He has new contracts that once he fulfils, will be extremely lucrative, these would pay by the end of the year.

I suppose my gut is telling me something isn’t adding up.

Surely if he were with me to get at my money/ have an easy life he would be nice and kind and caring and there for me? Instead he’s moody and dismissive of my needs due to the depression and stress of potentially having to go bankrupt.

Who would make him close the company down? Why would the invoices become void?

what is the business?

Unless there is something specific to his line of work this is just getting worse.

gamerchick · 21/04/2024 22:00

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 20:00

He says he can’t get a loan as he’s had no income for the last year as he gets paid in lump sums for larger invoices as that’s how the business works. There are dry patches. I’ve suggested credit cards to bridge the gap and invoice finance but he says the invoices are so complicated that banks won’t loan… so basically I am his only option to get through this.

Beware of someone who won't take on board any options than the one they present to you.

The chances of you getting any money back are slim to none. Only lend what you can afford to lose.

Maray1967 · 21/04/2024 22:00

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/04/2024 21:52

Ahahahaha, sorry he is taking you for a mug.

He absolutely can be a director of his own ltd company AND get off his arse and stack shelves in tesco/sling burgers for McDonalds.

The only thing he probably wouldn't be able to do is work for a company whose contract states that employees can't be directors of similar companies. And theres no need for him to do that.

This. He needs to get some work which pays regularly but has no restrictions on his company running at the same time. He needs to get off his backside and go to work.

Serene135 · 21/04/2024 22:02

It’s a tricky situation isn’t it and he’s putting a lot of pressure on you which is a little unfair. Do you mind me asking how much he wants to ‘borrow’? There is a chance that you will not get your money back especially if he has a history of being untruthful about money etc. I do wonder, if you lend him the money, if he will then keep asking you for more and more. He could for example then tell you that if you don’t lend even more money the company will go bust and you will lose the money you have already given. It has the potential to be never ending and to get a little messy. If it was me I wouldn’t lend the money.

GettingStuffed · 21/04/2024 22:03

ARichtGoodDram · 21/04/2024 19:52

What kind of business is he running where invoices get paid in 3-6 months time?

Given that he’s lied to you about finances before it would be a no for me. If his business is good then he could borrow money from a bank.

My brother -in-law went bankrupt because he had a couple of large contracts who paid at the very late but he was being chased by companies he'd bought stuff from.

StormingNorman · 21/04/2024 22:03

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:44

He told me he would have to give up being a director (limited company) and fold the company if he took work elsewhere as it wasn’t allowed?

He has fulfilled the invoice that is due to pay later this year and has new contracts coming up that he is yet to fulfil. I am taking his word for all of this though.

Show quote history

Company directors can 100% have other jobs. And can be directors of multiple companies.

Im normally quite gullible but this is bullshit.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 21/04/2024 22:03

He's either extremely stupid or a very bad liar.

You know it doesn't make any sense but it's like you want someone to tell you it's a good idea so you can justify giving him money even though you know it's a bad idea.

Maray1967 · 21/04/2024 22:05

gamerchick · 21/04/2024 22:00

Beware of someone who won't take on board any options than the one they present to you.

The chances of you getting any money back are slim to none. Only lend what you can afford to lose.

Show quote history

Yes, this as well. Apparently the only thing that is possible is that you lend him the money. No. He needs to get some work that he can do now. Most of us have done retail, bar work, cleaning etc. I’ve done all those and if I needed money I’d do them again, in my 50s. If those jobs are somehow beneath him, I’d dump him for that reason alone.

ShelfShark · 21/04/2024 22:08

OP, he is a terrible liar and you are terribly gullible. Nothing he says adds up. Don’t give him a penny. Run a mile.

CatHerderSupreme · 21/04/2024 22:17

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:46

Why is it exactly the game he’s playing? It didn’t make sense to me for him to be like that to gain something from me.

Show quote history

I would also think he’d be trying to butter you up if he wanted to get money, but then you are on here questioning if you should give him money or not, so who knows?

IvorTheEngineDriver · 21/04/2024 22:18

He's either a piss poor conman or a crap businessman.

Either way, don't believe a word he says (I note he's lied to you before) and don't give him a penny.

Then kick him out of your life.

Noseybookworm · 21/04/2024 22:18

Yes, you would be crazy!

DeeCeeCherry · 21/04/2024 22:23

Throwaway555
He told me he would have to give up being a director (limited company) and fold the company if he took work elsewhere as it wasn’t allowed?

Come on OP, wise up. He said this and he said that. A simple Google would tell you that this is a lie. Im wondering now if you're very young as you sound so naive. He must have seen you coming from a mile off. Take off the love-goggles and pay attention to reality.

ChangeAgain2 · 21/04/2024 22:23

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:44

He told me he would have to give up being a director (limited company) and fold the company if he took work elsewhere as it wasn’t allowed?

He has fulfilled the invoice that is due to pay later this year and has new contracts coming up that he is yet to fulfil. I am taking his word for all of this though.

Show quote history

That's nonsense. Lots of people run businesses and work as well. It means you have a secure income while you build the business.

AstralSpace · 21/04/2024 22:25

What is your relationship like? Be honest. Is he a good partner? Is he kind and generous? Do you feel supported by him?
Do you trust him?

If you can genuinely answer yes to those questions then you could find a way to help him but I've a feeling you don't think you should which is why you posted this.

CJsGoldfish · 21/04/2024 22:31

Not a chance you'll get that money back. If he's exhausted all options surely you can see that this is a pattern? You have to factor in the time between invoice submission and payment when you are running a business. Add in that he spends up when he gets it and it's clear he's shit at managing money 🤷‍♀️

He knows this. His intentions may be good right now but, trust me, you are not getting that money back. Once it comes in, he'll do with it what he always does and you won't be top of the list. Having a partner is NOT worth compromising your own wellbeing