Page 4 | DP wants to loan money from me

Throwaway555 · 2024-04-21T18:47:33+00:00

DP’s business is going through a rough patch, he has outstanding invoices that are due to be paid in 3- 6 months that will get him back on track. He is running out of money to live and run his business and has asked me to assist him financially until he gets paid and will then reimburse me. Amount as of yet, unknown. We have been together 3 years, don’t live together and had our ups and downs. He’s struggling with depression due to his situation but also not able or willing to support me in ways I need, like emotionally and physically, because of this. He has lied to me about his financial position in the past. Exaggerated his income and net worth to impress me at the beginning. Would I be crazy to loan him money?

Exasperatednow · 21/04/2024 20:57

Unless his client is someone like Tesco (who have awful payment terms) it's unlikely that it takes 3-6 months to be paid by every client. I do have some that pay slowly but that's because of bureaucracy. I could still go to the bank and get a business overdraft if needed.
I really wouldn't get involved.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 21/04/2024 20:57

He's bullshitting you - and blackmailing you - to get his hands on your money.

Cut off the money supply, cut off the sympathy - and cut him off. Because he's going to bleed you dry emotionally and financially.

HesterPrincess · 21/04/2024 20:58

Look at his accounts on Companies House, they are easily found.

And I think you'll find the truth about this business.

lightsactionsleep · 21/04/2024 21:03

"He has lied to me about his financial position in the past. Exaggerated his income and net worth to impress me at the beginning."

You've pretty much answered your own question.

DeeCeeCherry · 21/04/2024 21:10

Absolutely No.
I've been self-employed for years now. In the 1st few years I hit some rough patches. I got off my backside and did agency work whenever that happened. It was Hospitality and I hated it. But needs must. I didnt expect anyone to prop up my business and Id have felt embarassed to ask.

He’s struggling with depression due to his situation but also not able or willing to support me in ways I need, like emotionally and physically, because of this
He has lied to me about his financial position in the past

It'd be goodbye from me. The man's a liability what do you want to be with a man like that for anyway? He'll just drag you down.

SleepingisanArt · 21/04/2024 21:20

So he's barely earned any money for a year? There is a saying that a business which doesn't pay you enough to live on is not a business its a hobby.....

As PP have said no invoices or their payment terms are too complicated for a bank to understand. Don't lend him a penny and don't feel guilty if he loses the 'business '.

I closed a 'luxury' business thanks to the COL crisis - it went from paying its way to losing money so I sold my stock at cost and closed down. It was upsetting but that's business. At the moment businesses, pubs, restaurants, shops etc are closing down at a vast rate, but more will open again when the economy is better, and it has always been like that.

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 21/04/2024 21:22

HesterPrincess · 21/04/2024 20:58

Look at his accounts on Companies House, they are easily found.

And I think you'll find the truth about this business.

And I’d also be tempted to run a credit check on him

ChampagneLassie · 21/04/2024 21:24

Yes I think you would. If he has a viable business then I don’t buy that he could borrow from a bank. He’s telling you porkies. And you’ve only known him 3 years, that he can’t ask anyone with whom he’s got more credit as it were speaks volumes. Don’t do it.

Harvestfestivalknickers · 21/04/2024 21:24

Doesn't sound like a viable business if he can't get finance and keeps blowing money when he gets paid. I'd suggest he use the money he puts away to pay his tax 😀

Original poster

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:25

He says he is unable to get a ‘job’ because they would make him close down his company and then those unpaid invoices would be void. I suspect it’s a pride thing to have to tell people he’s had to resort to a job.

He has new contracts that once he fulfils, will be extremely lucrative, these would pay by the end of the year.

I suppose my gut is telling me something isn’t adding up.

Surely if he were with me to get at my money/ have an easy life he would be nice and kind and caring and there for me? Instead he’s moody and dismissive of my needs due to the depression and stress of potentially having to go bankrupt.

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Original poster

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:26

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 21/04/2024 21:22

And I’d also be tempted to run a credit check on him

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I’m sure he would show me his credit score if I asked. Is that even possible to do on someone?

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Mmhmmn · 21/04/2024 21:29

He pretended to be better off than he was? Red flags abound. IF you choose to lend him money, YOU choose how much you can and want to afford to lend him and stop at that. His business is not your problem.

StormingNorman · 21/04/2024 21:29

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 20:00

He says he can’t get a loan as he’s had no income for the last year as he gets paid in lump sums for larger invoices as that’s how the business works. There are dry patches. I’ve suggested credit cards to bridge the gap and invoice finance but he says the invoices are so complicated that banks won’t loan… so basically I am his only option to get through this.

The invoices are so complicated banks won’t loan - this is ringing alarm bells for me.

As is he’s not had an income because he’s paid in lump sums. Banks will be used to dealing with people who run their own businesses with irregular incomes.

They will be a lot bigger and more complex too than an SME that can’t carry itself through the next six months.

Either he has had no income or he has written off so many expenses that he’s declaring next to no income.

Harvestfestivalknickers · 21/04/2024 21:31

So it's a 'pride thing' telling people why he has to get a job. Is it not a 'pride thing' telling people he has to get his girlfriend to give him a loan?

Teacherprebaby · 21/04/2024 21:33

'too complicated'? He's a liar.

PurpleBugz · 21/04/2024 21:34

I'm self employed childminder and the LA pay 3 times a year. So it is possible to have long periods of time waiting it may not be untrue. That said if you know money comes in like this you prepare for it.

You said he had a habit of spending big when the money comes it. For me that means I would not lend.

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/04/2024 21:36

Wait... these invoices are for work he has done? Or work he has not actually begun yet?

Hell no.

He is lying through his teeth, trying to squirm his way around and out of any query you have.

He could take on other work, it would not mean money he is owed for work done would not be paid.

If he hasn't yet fulfilled his contract, why not - he can do that, then find other work or if its something thats time/date dependent, he can find work to do before he does that.

This sounds like his business is bloody make believe. Is he a LTD company or a sole trader?

Teacherprebaby · 21/04/2024 21:41

Oh lord...you believe what he tells you? And moody, dismissive etc is EXACTLY the game he's playing!

Original poster

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:44

WiddlinDiddlin · 21/04/2024 21:36

Wait... these invoices are for work he has done? Or work he has not actually begun yet?

Hell no.

He is lying through his teeth, trying to squirm his way around and out of any query you have.

He could take on other work, it would not mean money he is owed for work done would not be paid.

If he hasn't yet fulfilled his contract, why not - he can do that, then find other work or if its something thats time/date dependent, he can find work to do before he does that.

This sounds like his business is bloody make believe. Is he a LTD company or a sole trader?

He told me he would have to give up being a director (limited company) and fold the company if he took work elsewhere as it wasn’t allowed?

He has fulfilled the invoice that is due to pay later this year and has new contracts coming up that he is yet to fulfil. I am taking his word for all of this though.

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Original poster

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:46

Teacherprebaby · 21/04/2024 21:41

Oh lord...you believe what he tells you? And moody, dismissive etc is EXACTLY the game he's playing!

Why is it exactly the game he’s playing? It didn’t make sense to me for him to be like that to gain something from me.

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bombastix · 21/04/2024 21:49

No. Do you like being together, this will ruin your relationship. He should not have asked. Red flag.

AnneElliott · 21/04/2024 21:49

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:25

He says he is unable to get a ‘job’ because they would make him close down his company and then those unpaid invoices would be void. I suspect it’s a pride thing to have to tell people he’s had to resort to a job.

He has new contracts that once he fulfils, will be extremely lucrative, these would pay by the end of the year.

I suppose my gut is telling me something isn’t adding up.

Surely if he were with me to get at my money/ have an easy life he would be nice and kind and caring and there for me? Instead he’s moody and dismissive of my needs due to the depression and stress of potentially having to go bankrupt.

I think this is nonsense. My H got a job where he had a company before (doing the same thing) and although they didn't want him taking on new work for his company they quite understood that shutting it down took time and that he wouldn't do that during his probation.

No reason why an employer couldn't agree something similar. And why would the invoices be void? They're still a debt to the company.

MissAmbrosia · 21/04/2024 21:50

He is absolutely lying about having to close down his company if he worked elsewhere. And no-one has payment terms of 3 - 6 months. I have to fight to get 60 days for my company. 30 - 45 is much more standard. Do not give him any money.

BrightNewLife · 21/04/2024 21:51

Throwaway555 · 21/04/2024 21:25

He says he is unable to get a ‘job’ because they would make him close down his company and then those unpaid invoices would be void. I suspect it’s a pride thing to have to tell people he’s had to resort to a job.

He has new contracts that once he fulfils, will be extremely lucrative, these would pay by the end of the year.

I suppose my gut is telling me something isn’t adding up.

Surely if he were with me to get at my money/ have an easy life he would be nice and kind and caring and there for me? Instead he’s moody and dismissive of my needs due to the depression and stress of potentially having to go bankrupt.

I don't think this can be true. I have a limited company but if I went to work for a large organisation, New Company wouldn't "make me" close my company as part of that contract (in any case logically you'd be on a 3 month trial, so even more unlikely). Plus, the invoices from Old Company - if they exist - would be in the clients' systems being processed, and just paid into the business bank account, even when I was at New Co. So that's bollocks for a start.

Secondly, and I work with international organisations that can have very long payment terms, the "six months" invoice must mean he did the work, what - two months ago? and then invoiced it? So eight months from the work until being paid? PLUS, on my large invoices for international organisations, they often pay half way through or I can definitely negotiate a part-way payment with them.

I have a limited company and am sole breadwinner for my two teen and Uni DD. As a self-employed contractor there is no way I'd get in the type of financial deep water where I hadn't made provision for those long stretches of time waiting for payments on a large project, I just factor in those long lead times and adjust and take on other projects accordingly. It requires precise planning, not asking a DP to bail you out. Especially when he's not very "D".

Do NOT lend the money!!

From the relationship point of view, unless you get out, you risk being locked in a toxic trauma bond with him where you can't see the wood for the trees, keep giving him the benefit of the doubt - he's depressed, stressed, tired, "complicated" work, "complex" invoices etc (all bollocks) and he can be as shit as he wants, with the occasional intermittent reinforcement, and the cycle will continue, spiralling ever downward.

Good luck! Lots of sensible advice on here!

StormingNorman · 21/04/2024 21:51

betterangels · 21/04/2024 20:50

Yes, this.

Doesn't make sense to me about the invoices. That's such a long time. Would be impossible to budget.

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Quite standard terms in retail. The big retailers can afford to screw their suppliers into the ground.