Re my parents and childcare

[Theroadnottravelled]

I think I’m going to get blasted for this but my lovely parents are being frustrating imo. Me and DH moved from London to the south coast to be near them. We have 2 girls, 2 and 4. Both in nursery 4 days a week as we both work FT. My parents do a day for us, have done for a year. They offered and I’d never expect more. I am grateful. My dad has now said it’s too tiring for them to do all day so will do half. So we have no cover and can’t really afford more nursery. We get by but I felt that as there are two of them, almost 70 but very fit, play golf most weeks and are very active that it’s disappointing they won’t do the whole day once a week plus DD1 goes to school in sept.

I don't get all the "running around" after children. When I'm looking after GC (I've got 8 so had years of this) we will get toys out and they play, sometimes I join in with building lego or playing with cars/dolls whatever, we sit and have food and drink more than once in a day, we go in the garden and we walk to the local playground and they play on swings/roundabouts/climbing frames, we feed ducks, we walk to the shops and do some shopping. Sometimes we get on a bus and go explore and I know this is verging on criminal on MN but sometimes we sit down and watch children's TV. I can't think of much running I have to do.

Just to be clear I don't do all those things in one day but they are all things we do.

This thread! So, coming up to 70 I am ‘selfish’ and ‘don’t love my children’ because I don’t offer free childcare.

Here’s how my life looked - married young but waited to have my kids because we were stoney broke and had to save for a house; then had three kids in my 30s. Went back to work when number 1 was three months because paid mat leave didn’t exist; worked for 40 plus years and got state pension at 66 ( did retire earlier than that because totally stressed out).

Will probably die in the next 20 years although could be in the next 5/10/15. I’d quite like to live my remaining years enjoying myself thank you very much - I’ve earned the right to be ‘ selfish ‘after the many unselfish years bringing up my own kids.

I adore my grandkids and do babysit/do days in the holidays etc but that’s completely different from a regular one day a week.

If I were the original poster I’d be thanking my parents for the year they’d given and ask myself who is being selfish here and only thinking of their own needs?

And I don’t buy ‘only moved there because of one day’s childcare’. That would be mad.

Precisely..
Posters here think they have to do an assault course to take care of a 4 and 2 yr old. change nappies on the floor? Run around headless chickens.

Yes, all kids arent the same, but you can keep them in the house, open them to the garden. you dont need to be 24 hr entertainers. Just make sure theyre fed watered, clean and keep an eye on them.

1 day, TWO adults, NEAR the age of 70, VERY ACTIVE, VERY FIT.
these above words have been pulled from the original post.

No one is accusing a lone grandparent, widower who is physically unfit, riddled with ailments of being selfish here.

But a 2 grand parents, who are all of the above mentioned are.

I completely agree. I'm just amused by entitled kids/posters who decide that the best revenge on parents who aren't inclined to spend their elder years running around after grandchildren is to refuse to help them in old age. The penny never seems to drop that means less money will be coming their way when the shunned parents finally die.

That's true. I'd be sad if my children helped me just because it meant more left over for them though. Either help because you can and want to, or let me pay for it.

How old are you? My parents are 70 and wouldn't be safe to take preschoolers to the park or out. It would have to be in a controlled, closed house.

I'm 70. I can't see the problem with a 2 year old, I strap them in the buggy. A 4 year old should know to hold your hand/hold onto the buggy, if I couldn't trust them to do that they would be on reins.

I'm not sure what a controlled house is, I have a stairgate so little ones can't get on the stairs, they play on the lounge floor or sitting at table if drawing. If it is nice I open the french windows and they can come in and out.

A dance class is an hour or two with sit down time relaxing chat it's not 8 hours scared to go to the loo of continual up and downs lifting crawling on floors, running after and thinking of the next activity.
You're also not considering the level of exhaustion of a 70 year old over even a 65 year old. The pain arthritic joints that is like dislocation for a few seconds not just the continual ache, many can't fasten a button so undoing a car seat or pushchair can impossible.
I think you lack understanding of the aging process

My children and GC must be angels. I've never been scared to go to the loo and I've brought up 4 and done childcare for 8. Do people really not go to the loo because they are looking after a child, particularly when there are two adults there. How on earth do single parents cope.

I wish people would stop making out that all 70 year old are doddery exhausted people. I wish to state I am not exhausted, I am perfectly capable of looking after GC. The thing is I want to do it and that makes a difference.

It's not right to confine a 2 year old all the time they need time to develop gross motor skills walk run and climb.
Obviously confining children or staying in with a few toys is easier than getting out the messy play....so the activities you do determine how hard you find it....I know GPs who just sit in the one room TV on and let kids play and others who go to toddler groups.
You obviously are lucky to be pain free and fit....today who knows what your health will be next month.

I don't think a day in the house is going to harm them but either way I've given a list of the things I do with GC. I didn't think to mention I actually went to the loo while they are here.

Messy play in my house is in the bath or on a nice day in the paddling pool and sand pit and isn't an issue.

How do you know I'm painfree? I'm not, I have a dodgy hip but doesn't mean I can't look after them. My husband was diagnosed as permanently disabled when our youngest was 10 days old, didn't mean he just gave up on being a father.

If the OPs parents don't want to do childcare that is their decision but to make out that people can't do childcare because they are nearly 70 doesn't make sense to me.

Just adding what I said in an earlier post in case you missed it. When I'm looking after GC (I've got 8 so had years of this) we will get toys out and they play, sometimes I join in with building lego or playing with cars/dolls whatever, we sit and have food and drink more than once in a day, we go in the garden and we walk to the local playground and they play on swings/roundabouts/climbing frames, we feed ducks, we walk to the shops and do some shopping. Sometimes we get on a bus and go explore and I know this is verging on criminal on MN but sometimes we sit down and watch children's TV.

Some people have difficulty getting up and down stairs and don't have the full safety equipment if you are a parent your set up with safety gates and normally able to move easily.
Are you honestly saying you are as fit and energised as you were 20 years ago? Because if so statistically you are in a very small percentage or dilluded

My parents obviously have different issues to you. It would be irresponsible for me to leave kids that age in their care.

Single parents are generally not 70 when they have young children.

The thing is, at 70, there is a wide range of health among that age group. One 70 year old might be up to the care, another might not be capable. Sometimes both people in a pair might not be able.

The thing is I think being reasonably active and coping with looking after very young children are two different things. Ok so when grandad plays golf or grandma does some gardening or a painting class or whatever, it's on your own terms. You can set the pace. When you look after a two year old, they set the pace! Sometimes it's hard with very small children to just take a moment for thirty seconds and sit still or have a breather. I had my dc in my twenties and had so much energy looking back. Now I'm in my forties and my nieces are very young..3/6. I find looking after them so much more exhausting than I did looking after my own kids all those years ago. Lord knows how I'd feel in another thirty years!

Bollocks. There's a difference between managing an hour's dance class and managing 7.30am - 6pm care of a 4 and 2 year old. Or whatever it is that OP is needing to work.

A massive fucking difference. You can perhaps manage short bursts of energy or activity in your 60s or 70s. A 10 hour shift with small kids is another matter altogether.

But you are saying anybody who makes a decision that for them it is too much is lying because your 70 and can you can't assume everyone is as able or fit as you it's extremely judgemental and unfair.....you restrain the 2 year old when out in a pushchair and the 4 with reins

Do you know its a 10 hour shift ? Guessing much.

If you read the whole post I did say, 'Or whatever hours the OP needs to work'.

What time do most people need to drop their toddlers off to then get to work on time? And what time will they be back to pick them up? I was working on roughly a 9-5 day with travel.

But hey, nit pick away if it suits your argument. Perhaps she only needed GPs to do 8 hours straight. It is still too much for them, obviously..

How did I get to 70 and not know that going to the loo was different if you are 70.

No I just wanted to hear a bit more swearing from you 🤣 to suit your argument.

Bollocks this , fucking that

We can manage short bursts, cleaning, gardening then one of us says "Do you fancy a cuppa" and we take a break. We don't have the consistent energy for a whole day.

Well having a 2 year old in a buggy and a 4 year old you can't trust in reins isn't something that just applies to 70 year olds. I used both 50 years ago. Do you just let 2 year old run down the road? How dangerous. If that's what people do no wonder they can't cope.

I'm saying being nearly 70 doesn't mean you can't care for a child, if you don't want to then don't but don't blame it on age as plenty of us can do it and want to do it. Some people might not want to do it at 50, others are happy at 70 it isn't all down to age.

You do realise that there is a wide range of health among people of all ages? My husband was told he would be disabled and unable to work for the rest of his life in his 40s when our baby was 10 days old. His ability to care for a young child was to do with his disability not his age. I'm fitter and more able to care for a young child at 70 than he was at 40.

This site is so ageist.

And that is to do with your parents issues not their age.