To be sick of the breast is best brigade?

[Bex5490]

Currently sat in a maternity waiting room, waiting to be told that I have a condition which I’ll need to take another round of antibiotics for. Which as I’m breastfeeding will probably give my 1 month old baby ANOTHER round of visibly uncomfortable oral thrush.

There is a video on the TV screen about how everyone should breastfeed playing on loop and what a bloody wonderful thing it is…

With my last baby I had such bad mastitis and suffered through until it was unbearable. The only advice my midwife ever offers now or offered then was keep going with the breastfeeding because…breast is best.

One of my friends had a low milk supply and her baby screamed day and night almost giving her a nervous breakdown until she reluctantly gave in and guiltily offered the baby a bottle.

I know I don’t want to keep giving my baby thrush through the antibiotics or pump all day for a smidgen of milk…so I’m going to switch to formula but something inside still feels guilty and like I’m not doing right by my baby because of the 9 months of people chiming on about how…breast is best.

For the sake of a mother’s mental health surely the message should be a bit more nuanced…

OK - Probably hormonal and living on chunks of 2 hr naps. Rant over!

Yep agree with this.

I had an EMCS and couldn't produce milk - I was very unwell for days afterwards. Nurse in the hospital was awful and said that if I ff on the occasion that would be it! I felt like I had failed completely- just because of one horror. I ended up with PND and PNA (not saying that was the only issue that led this).

Basically OP - do what is best for baby AND you. Don't listen to the dogma of some of the breast is best brigade - they won't be there when you are struggling at 3 am

For goodness sake, it's stuff like this that makes mums feel like their being judged and gets people's back up. A baby doesn't need to be attached to your tit for a cuddle, and FF doesn't have to mean rigid schedule. We formula fed DD and let her have as much as she needed, no schedule, milk when hungry

Yup - “breast is best” is a load of absolute bollocks. I hate women who use it as a way to demean other mothers. Fuck the lot of them and thank god for formula! My kids wouldn’t be alive now without it.

My response was in clear reply to the poster who said they did FF to establish a feeding schedule and get some sleep themselves

You can’t have it both ways - there are upsides to FF - anyone can feed the baby so more sleep for mum, scheduled feedings earlier on etc. But BF mums have to also feel some benefits - and that lack of sleep means more cuddles with the baby and knowing it’s biologically better.

It is not true that NO FF moms are invested in the choices of BF moms though, is it? As I and may others have stated, there are still plenty of snarky comments and people calling to ban BF in public.

And those BF moms and others who are trying to eliminate FF are very much in the minority. What annoys me is that people constantly make out that ALL BF women are smug and part of a brigade or the ‘brestapo’ etc etc. Most of us couldn’t care how you feed your babies and you shouldn’t care how we feed ours, either.

I think you are making a very relevant point...that in spite of the Breast is Best mantra the support or understanding or flexible thinking is completely lacking in maternal settings.
I've been in that position, begging for help to supplement twins with formula when my milk hadn't come in post caesarian and being patronised when begging for input because only breastfeeding allowed, and then reproached for their weight loss put on a punitive pumping and recording regime in hospital, and then then when the milk finally came in, encouraged to get them onto formula!!!!! Literally told by doctor in post natal (all of 25 years old) that breastfeeding wasnt so much of a big deal and did I need to work myself up over it. I was 36 and had already breastfed my first. I knew I wanted to make it work and a bit of formula now wasn't going to end my commitment.
I was taken back by the mendacity /party line v reality of support, which was very very low. And twins ....well forget it, no one is going to bother let's just accept twins are an exception to breast is best. But why??? They are still babies, that could do with the boost; their mothers may find breastfeeding easier cheaper, less sick days...less colic, less wind.
Its the mendacity of it at the highest levels.

But that's how babies should be fed. It's how are bodies are made how they are. It's biology.
Not with cows breast milk and chemicals.

There’s snarky comments then there’s actively petitioning to change the law to limit other women’s choices isn’t there! Literally nobody is petitioning to ban bf in public. Red herring

Funny, as anecdotally DD is the healthiest child I know, never missed a day of school,.only missed nursery the time she had chicken pox, and she was combi fed the first six weeks then fully FF. yet I know plenty of breastfed and extended breastfed children who are sickly little things on regular antibiotics with chest issues or with various allergies. I was actually breastfed until I was three and am in no way healthier than anyone else and was a sickly child. DH not breastfed at all and never sick.

How is it biologically better? Are you genuinely claiming your kids will live a healthier, more successful or longer life than mine simply because they were attached to your boob for however many months? Because that’s a load of crap.

Exactly.

No one is trying to make mums feel bad about breastfeeding. Unfortunately, the opposite cannit be said to be true.

Each mum should do what suits her best. End of. No comments from anyone.

I would suggest that mothers and motherhood is simply not respected in this country and that is the reason why the fertility rate is so low. The fact that sane, rational women* choose motherhoid is beyond me. My hat is off to those who do. It's high time a mother's place stopped being in the wrong.

*no disrespect intended, but those who are mums are knocked back at every turn.

You've missed the point. Breastfeeding isn't always optimal for babies. Sometimes it will lead to way worse outcomes. There's also some diseases the mum can have where breastfeeding is dangerous for the baby.

It's not as simple as "breastmilk is optimal" it's much more complex than that

Can you link to these petitions please?

Statistically way more babies are formula fed than breastfed. We are trying to change that. When formula first came out, it was almost a status thing, "i can afford formula" Breastfeeding was seen as a bit "behind' or gross and cavewoman-ish. People thought formula and breastmilk were the same thing (ie same benefits) or actually that formula was better due to marketing. "enriched with this and this and this vitamins etc". Breast is best is a slogan that is trying to combat the misinformation. I get that if you are cannot breastfeed that this slogan is triggering, but it is factually correct? Like breast is the best fluid, objectively. Subjectively, for individual circumstances (someone on meds, low milk supply, PPD, etc), formula might be the better option. But not the better fluid. I always say that if you are confident in your decision, then you won't feel guilty. If you know that popping a 5 month old in front of a screen is a bad idea, but you do it al the time and you get sick of people saying how bad screentime is, maybe you should feel bad. However if your toddler cut himself and teh only way to keep the baby occupied for 20 mins was a screen, you won't feel guilty, because you did your best. So i think breast is best is there to remind the moms who 'just don't really want to do it" that there is a fluid that is better than the other. Not the moms who really can't

Not every woman is made to BF and nor is every baby. Physically and psychologically it is not always possible or optimal.

The amount of antibiotics going in to the milk is very low. I’ve had multiple doses and my baby never had oral thrush.

I don’t think it’s a+b=c so personally would be checking why this was happening.

however bf is extremely hard and realistically after the supply is established at 8 weeks I don’t understand why more people don’t do a bit of combination feeding to take the pressure off. Best of both worlds. Why does it need to be all or nothing? I also think it’s mad how many people comment on how you feed your kid. I do think people underestimate how hard it is physically and mentally. So I can see why people abandon it.

And babies “should” be born naturally because that’s how our bodies are made. Newsflash, a natural birth isn’t always best for baby - unless you think it’s best that anyone with complications (mother or baby) ends up dead. Or do you look down on women who have emergency c-sections too?

Oh, and I suppose you don’t ever use any medication too, because that’s not natural either? FFS, get real.

I think 99% of the women on this thread rationally agree that women shouldn’t be judged for their decision on whether to BF or FF. And that both sides experience unhelpful judgement.

But I still think maternity services should warn more during pregnancy about the issues that women might have when trying to breast feed so that they’re prepared and don’t feel inadequate or guilty for switching at a time when they are incredibly vulnerable.

But why are ‘we’ trying to change that?

The evidence isn’t overwhelmingly suggesting that FF babies are so unhealthy that it is a societal problem which needs changing.

Why do you care if other mothers choose to FF?

If my body had been left to do what it should have done biologically DD and I would both have been dead!

Breast is best.
Theres no way around it and anyone who has an issue with it are usually mothers who feel guilty for not doing it.

It’s like saying eating non-processed foods is best, which is it.

The message that breast is best should not get lost, just because it offends a few people.

Breast feeding should always be encouraged but never pushed.

No one should feel guilty for bottle feeding.

This. My coworker bf her ds till 4. At 9 he was diagnosed with cancer and after fighting it bravery he passed away.

Can you at least agree that not ALL BF moms are out to ban formula though??
And that moms who do either can and do feel judged and don’t get supported etc?
And can you also see that BF moms are very much in the minority? There is literally no chance formula would ever be banned or available on prescription only. It’ll never happen. Anyone can start a petition. Doesn’t mean it’ll go anywhere

It's the proven health benefits for the mother that were part of why I very much wanted to breastfeed. And the hormones and antibodies in the milk that can't be recreated in formula.

This doesn't make me a martyr.

Formula is not "chemicals"...that's ridiculous. Everything is chemicals, if you think about it.

Returning to my mendacity point I remember the health visitor giving me weaning advice for the twins (they were five to six months) and saying first give them half their bottle then a bit of food, and looking baffled when I reminded her I breast fed them (this was in their red books and they had been for regular weighing(with an occasional bottle )...surely it was what she shoukd have hoped and expected? After all I was taking her advice about weaning onto solids..why was she assuming the twins were now exclusively bottlefed...does that not imply her advice to most mothers did NOT include encouragement to keep breastfeeding??