To be sick of the breast is best brigade?

[Bex5490]

Currently sat in a maternity waiting room, waiting to be told that I have a condition which I’ll need to take another round of antibiotics for. Which as I’m breastfeeding will probably give my 1 month old baby ANOTHER round of visibly uncomfortable oral thrush.

There is a video on the TV screen about how everyone should breastfeed playing on loop and what a bloody wonderful thing it is…

With my last baby I had such bad mastitis and suffered through until it was unbearable. The only advice my midwife ever offers now or offered then was keep going with the breastfeeding because…breast is best.

One of my friends had a low milk supply and her baby screamed day and night almost giving her a nervous breakdown until she reluctantly gave in and guiltily offered the baby a bottle.

I know I don’t want to keep giving my baby thrush through the antibiotics or pump all day for a smidgen of milk…so I’m going to switch to formula but something inside still feels guilty and like I’m not doing right by my baby because of the 9 months of people chiming on about how…breast is best.

For the sake of a mother’s mental health surely the message should be a bit more nuanced…

OK - Probably hormonal and living on chunks of 2 hr naps. Rant over!

haha I laugh so hard at "fed is best". Fed is mandatory? surely..
Its like saying "thirst quenched is best" We'll yeah but there is a difference between coca cola and water?? Like we all agree if I were thirsty in the desert and the only option was soda or pop, that it is great because we want to quench our thirst. But if water were available I would choose that! So yeah obviously fed is better as opposed to starved, but why is it so wrong to rank food? Yeah if you had a rough day and couldn't cook and you gave your kids a packet of crisps and oreos in the car, it is better that they are fed than hungry, but that doesn't mean that the better option wasn't veg and fruit or meat or whatever.

2 children, had decided way before they were born I wanted to formula feed, never crossed my mind I would want to breastfeed and there was no way I’d be talked into it. Never once did a midwife question my choice, I was asked how I would feed my babies they were given an answer. Not one person has ever judged me or asked me why I’m not breast feeding, including friends who do breast feed. They just don’t care how I feed my babies and why should they, it’s none of their business. I have 2 healthy content children, of average weight and amazing immune system as, touch wood, are rarely Ill. People need to stop having an opinion on how strangers feed their children. Stand my children in a row of breastfed babies and you wouldn’t be able to pick them out of a line up.

It starts with bullying on the post natal ward and ends with complete apathy and disinterest from the medical profession. Literally no interest in breast feeding past discharge from "baby friendly" hospital ward.
This was 22 years ago.

Has anything changed recently??

@Nettleskeins midwives lobbied successfully to have responsibility for breastfeeding removed from GPs and Drs. They are not supposed to do anything, just refer on.

Anecdotes aren’t really meaningful. My DS was BF for nearly two years and is rarely ill/needs antibiotics and when he is ill he always seems to get a milder dose. So what. I don’t know for definite that’s because of BF him. We shouldn’t be trying to make out that all FF children are healthier nor should we make out that all BF children are

YANBU

Breast is the biological norm and species specific. In an ideal world it's best.

However. In less ideal circumstances, informed is best.

Sometimes making an informed decision to use another nutritious alternative is the best thing for mother and baby. Sometimes making that informed decision can benefit mother and/or baby massively. Sometimes it can save lives. would say in your case, preventing the pain of oral thrush is massively benefitting your baby. Please don't feel guilty about giving formula.

I say this as someone who made an informed decision to switch to formula when my then 17 day old had open heart surgery and I needed to be with her in intensive care, not away from her multiple times a day at the designated breast pump for her ward, which was at the other side of the hospital, a quarter of a mile away.

FWIW, I experienced the breast is best brigade in the worst way. When I shared my situation I was piled on and repeatedly told I was depriving DD of vital antibodies and that I was going to make her even more poorly by feeding her formula.

10 years on from then and DD still hasn't needed the major open heart surgery she was meant to need at 18 months old. In fact, we found out earlier this year that if she carries on like this, she won't need it until she reaches her full adult height at around 14-15. Formula allowed her to grow and gain in weight, height, health and strength.

I know, I was replying to the person who assumed all the sick kids in her child's school must have been FF

Of course there are nuances. But the way woman's bodies are endlessly sexualised and commercialised it very definitely needs reminding that lactating breasts are normal and natural.
There's still plenty that think breast feeding is some weird act that needs covering up or hiding away, I can only imagine how bad that would be if the science wasn't behind breastfeeding. FF is easy in many ways. It's much harder to convince women that sore nipples are worth it.

This is just ridiculous...formula is not junk food or Fanta, it's a highly nutritious substitute for breast milk...it doesn't do breast feeding any favours to malign it in this way.
It's like saying pushchairs and prams are evil because babies are naturally attuned to being carried around by humans all day. They aren't, they are an excellent substitute.

Ooops, sorry. I misunderstood

Well said.

After nearly ten months of pregnancy a lot of women want to reclaim their body back as their own. And that is absolutely fine.

YANBU OP

Breast feeding might be slightly better to start with, but it makes no difference in the long run. Historically, people died much younger, and that's even if they survived certain childhood illnesses, and they would have been breastfed as there was no alternative. The things that really make the difference are a person's living environment, diet, and modern medicine throughout their life. Those factors are why we live longer healthier lives nowadays, nothing to do with being breastfed.

I am currently breastfeeding my 5.5 month old and I think "breast is best" is a load of guilt inducing bollocks. There are quite a few important negatives that health professionals and breast feeding advocates fail to tell new mums about breastfeeding. For example, the relentless early cluster feeding and the fact that a lot of breastfeeding babies will refuse to take a bottle or dummy a
(after a certain point). You are made to "fear" introducing these too early in case the baby gets "nipple confusion"...does that even exist? This puts such a strain on the mum as it is basically all down to her as a partner can't help with feedings etc.

If I had my time again I would be introducing a bottle asap and switching to formula when I have had enough. I only have myself to blame for not doing enough research, but I make sure to tell other pregnant women to do their own research on cluster feeding etc.

It may not work out for everyone and it’s not without its difficulties. There should be no guilt associated for switching to formula for a whole host of maternal or baby reasons. The statement is still true that if possible it is the best for baby and in most cases better support can help but not everyone has access to it.

YANBU. Women are entitled to bodily autonomy without being judged.

I know exactly how you feel- I've had health visitors try to guilt me into breastfeeding for 18hours a day even though baby was clearly not getting enough milk and was screaming from hunger (combination of low milk supply and tongue tie).
In theory, Breast is certainly better from the perspective of passing on antibodies and the range of nutrition that the human body is designed for.
However, it is more important to make sure that the baby is well fed and not screaming from hunger. Breast is not the best if passing on thrush or alcohol or narcotics to the baby. And if the mother is malnourished or even not very healthy and eating a good balancd diet,, then she certainly doesn't pass on adequate nutrition to the baby.
Do what is best for the baby, and ignore the brigade - don't let them make you feel inadequate. They really should shut their gob.

Couldn’t agree with this more.

I pumped and FF for the first month as baby wouldn’t latch. I BFF or her to latch at 4/5 weeks when a breastfeeding midwife came round and I was so desperate to get her to latch for the “closeness” and “bond” and all of that… I quickly realised I was already bonded with her and that her feeding from my breast made absolutely no difference.

I now pump and breastfeed but I just do whatever is most practical in that moment.

Can you share a link for this research please?

Meh. The truth of the matter is that when they are running around the school playground at age 5, no one will know or care who was breast fed or formula fed.

It is not the be all and end all. It is not that important in the grand scheme of things.

As soon as your kids are through babyhood you won’t give a fuck about this argument any more.

100% this. 👏🏻

who and what is the breast is best brigade!?

I think breast is best if possible but also would never make anyone feel bad if they couldn't/didn't want to.

Am I part of the brigade!?

Is everyone who thinks breast is best a member!? I had no idea.

I am one of 7 children born between 1945 and 1960. Some of us were breast fed and some formula. We are all alive and kicking (aged between 64 and 79) with no real health differences (certainly none attributal to method of feeding).

I suspect mum had a level of gestational diabetes as most of us were at least 10lbs born and 2 were very close to 12lb.

I was one who was exclusively breast fed - I am the only one with a diagnosis of neurodiversity.
My younger sister was 11lb 12oz. Refused to breast feed (baby number 6 so mum did know what she was doing). On the midwife's advice, baby rice was added to her bottles from day one (hungry baby and weaning was advised at 12lbs weight back then). She has grown up to be the shortest (5'4") and slimmest of us all (size 8). The other big baby is also slim.
I, as I said, was exclusively breast fed. Probably not for 6 months as that wasn't considered advisable then, but at least 3. I am the one who has struggled most with my weight, all my life and still do.
Like most I agree breast is best in optimal conditions BUT and it's a very big BUT .... Fed is best for sure. And a happy/contented mum is far more likely to have a happy contented baby. (But even that isn't guaranteed)

The majority of mums of babies in the UK don’t breastfed. Yet somehow the women who formula feed talk like an oppressed minority.

I breastfed both my kids and I was constantly told, by non breastfeeding mums, that I should switch to formula. Constantly. Presumably because me breastfeeding made them feel “judged by the breast-is-best brigade”.

Feed your baby how you want to, for whatever reasons you choose, but get that chip off your shoulder.

Nope - you’re not a member 😂

I would say if someone explains that they want to FF or are struggling and your response is simply a list of reasons as to why breast feeding is superior, then you’re a member.

If you generally mind your business when it comes to the choices of others then you’re not a member.