To be sick of the breast is best brigade?

[Bex5490]

Currently sat in a maternity waiting room, waiting to be told that I have a condition which I’ll need to take another round of antibiotics for. Which as I’m breastfeeding will probably give my 1 month old baby ANOTHER round of visibly uncomfortable oral thrush.

There is a video on the TV screen about how everyone should breastfeed playing on loop and what a bloody wonderful thing it is…

With my last baby I had such bad mastitis and suffered through until it was unbearable. The only advice my midwife ever offers now or offered then was keep going with the breastfeeding because…breast is best.

One of my friends had a low milk supply and her baby screamed day and night almost giving her a nervous breakdown until she reluctantly gave in and guiltily offered the baby a bottle.

I know I don’t want to keep giving my baby thrush through the antibiotics or pump all day for a smidgen of milk…so I’m going to switch to formula but something inside still feels guilty and like I’m not doing right by my baby because of the 9 months of people chiming on about how…breast is best.

For the sake of a mother’s mental health surely the message should be a bit more nuanced…

OK - Probably hormonal and living on chunks of 2 hr naps. Rant over!

Totally agree. I don’t care how others feed their babies and am not part of any ‘brigade’ - do what you want, literally no one cares (well maybe the odd internet weirdo but you will find of them on any subject).

FF is how the majority of Mums feed in this country, it is not some marginalised group the BF stuff is public health messaging based on facts, it isn’t a personal attack.

On this thread FF mums are the ones who seem to think that their choice is superior, that BF mothers are martyrs and the god awful ‘tit’ comments, I mean those posters are just showing themselves up for what they are with those (ignorant before anyone asks). I’ve never read about anyone being told they have to sit in a different room to FF or told to leave somewhere because they were FF.

Also FF isn’t allowed to be advertised because of the dubious practices of the formula companies, not because formula is seen as some kind of junk food or poison.

My eldest is 11 and I have been reading all of this shite since I was pregnant with him and the arguments never change. I remember on my birth boards you couldn’t even mention BF at all in the end without the ‘shaming’ comments starting but they could talk about how they found BF disgusting, hated seeing people do it etc. that was perfectly fine and this thread is going the same way.

Back in the real world no one cares, it doesn’t matter and FF is not a minority.

@CuttingMeOpenthenHealingMeFine

Also FF isn’t allowed to be advertised because of the dubious practices of the formula companies, not because formula is seen as some kind of junk food or poison.

I don't think that's quite it, either - follow-on milk can still be advertised. Advertising FF for newborns is banned for the same reason as tobacco advertising - once you start, you're stuck with it!

Not the first post likening formula and tobacco on here this week.

Why do you equate tobacco advertising with newborn baby formula?
One is bad for you and the other is an amazing product.

I don’t think she is saying that formula is the same as tobacco. Nobody in their right mind would say that! Maybe just unethical practices of tobacco companies and the unethical practices of FF companies.

It's because there's a standard that first stage milk has to adhere to.

First stage milk shouldn't have additives added to it for one formula company to market as theirs being better than the rest because there shouldn't be competition around feeding babies and we shouldn't be messing with the composition for sales, for food that babies rely on to survive.

Follow on milk has less strict regulations because at 6 months you start weaning anyway, and so formula companies can say ours is better because we've got more digestible iron or ours is better because...

Babies don't need follow on milk. First stage milk for the first year, then it can be swapped to food.

So they advertise follow on milk when it's not really a needed product any way and the composition is always being changed. It's a giant experiment and babies are the test subject.

Neither of the above! I don't think formula companies are intrinsically unethical or that FF is bad. Just that starting FF is an irreversible decision.

My apologies - didn’t mean to put words in your mouth.

@WhenWillTheHolidaysEnd2 I agree. My first 2, did not sleep through or stop night feeding until I weaned them at 2.
I blamed breastfeeding,
With my third I was dedicated to formula feeding turned out after a few days, he had a dairy allergy so my milk came in and been breastfeeding ever since (he's 5 months now)
And he has slept through the night since 3 weeks old with waking up once to feed.

It's the baby not the feeding!
I count my stars every night my third is the dream baby I thought only formula fed babies were!

Maybe I prioritised DH’s sleep over mine while I was on maternity leave because I could catch up during the day when DS slept.
I learned a lot from family about feeding techniques to help get through the night, a lot of these techniques are not available when you are not supported.
I only had two sleepless nights with DS and that was at age 2 when he was very ill with chickenpox.
In fact I’ve probably had more sleepless nights since he turned 18 and has been able to go out drinking all night.

NP. I don't exactly love the companies either - they're just there to make money after all. But foodbanks banning formula was an eye roll moment for me. Did they really think mums would be able to save a few pennies by switching to BF an already-FF baby? Crazy.

What advertising can do is normalize something and it's obviously then up for debate as to what should or shouldn't be normalized.

Oh fair does 😂 I didn't see that post, that does sound a crazy thing to say

Again, I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me. you do you, I’ll do me 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think it’s shaming at all to note the positives of BF. But the insinuations are different.

I’m gathering from the responses that some BF mums feel like people look at them as judgy and ‘earthy’ which is obviously a stereotype and not nice. But it doesn’t compare to feeling as though people feel like you’re not someone who puts the needs of your child first.

As a new mum, that’s a really emotionally damaging feeling. @ShirleyPhallus literally says something similar above your post.

I think both judgements are wrong, but when one seems to come from those who are professionals and in a position of power over you at a vulnerable time, I think the strategy needs looking

But you’re not doing you. You’re trying to make other people do you as well.

(lol)

I think she just doesn't understand why, all other things being equal, someone would choose FF over BF. But all other things never are equal, are they?

I chose BF because it's cheap and easy. I don't know how much evidence of the superiority of FF it would have taken to override my idle, cheapskate impulses, and I'm glad I never had to find out!

Well that much is clear.

I think people like you need the reassurance that breastfeeding was worth it. All the pain. All the effort. All the night feeds on your own. That you “put your baby first” when others didn’t, and it was worth it. But of course individual benefits are so minimal that you can’t see them when you compare them to their formula fed friends, so the only way you can get that validation is to tear down others for their choices. You “put your baby first”. The formula feeders did not not.

Its the only explanation I can think of for your arseholery.

You do know that BF is enjoyable, right? You make it sound like torture!

As far as I’m concerned, breast-feeding is great, if it comes fairly easily - no faffing with bottles or having to heat them in a hurry for night feeds. And free!

My Dsis bottle fed both of hers, both now 50+ and perfectly healthy.

OTOH I really hate the bullying ‘Breastapo’ element. If you can’t BF, or don’t want to, just ignore them - and be thankful for living somewhere where bottles and formula are so readily available. Which is not the case for mothers in so many places elsewhere.

For you. That’s not a universal experience by any stretch.

It’s a hard one because F is advertised by companies trying to sell it (they’re not allowed in this country to advertise first infant milk though I don’t think). And Breast is advertised by healthcare professionals.

I definitely think BF should be allowed to be encouraged but it’s a weird place to be in where hospitals are advertising’ rather than informing.

Eg. Advertising uses strategies like not giving you information on alternatives. Or minimising issues with the product.

I just think it should be a bit more balanced.

Sorry - my post was in response to this.

@fromthegecko , I enjoyed it too, and do think that all the really negative posting on here is bound to put some people off altogether, and make them assume that it’s absolutely bound to be difficult and painful.

Which it may well be for some, but not by any means for everybody.