To be sick of the breast is best brigade?

[Bex5490]

Currently sat in a maternity waiting room, waiting to be told that I have a condition which I’ll need to take another round of antibiotics for. Which as I’m breastfeeding will probably give my 1 month old baby ANOTHER round of visibly uncomfortable oral thrush.

There is a video on the TV screen about how everyone should breastfeed playing on loop and what a bloody wonderful thing it is…

With my last baby I had such bad mastitis and suffered through until it was unbearable. The only advice my midwife ever offers now or offered then was keep going with the breastfeeding because…breast is best.

One of my friends had a low milk supply and her baby screamed day and night almost giving her a nervous breakdown until she reluctantly gave in and guiltily offered the baby a bottle.

I know I don’t want to keep giving my baby thrush through the antibiotics or pump all day for a smidgen of milk…so I’m going to switch to formula but something inside still feels guilty and like I’m not doing right by my baby because of the 9 months of people chiming on about how…breast is best.

For the sake of a mother’s mental health surely the message should be a bit more nuanced…

OK - Probably hormonal and living on chunks of 2 hr naps. Rant over!

(Dear) Twins

Breast is not always best for many reasons. Women don’t need it constantly reiterating these days.
I breast fed my eldest and I had no milk. She lost so much weight and the midwife put me on her pump which produced barely anything. She was starving and the midwife told me it was time to bottle feed.
I was a young single mum and my mothers’ words were ‘she has more chance of cot death now….’ I was obviously furious and emotional. I will never forget her words.
I wouldn’t listen to anyone else on this issue. It’s a choice for the mum only.
I formula fed the others from day one. Had no interest in justifying myself.
The world is one where women particularly mothers are fundamentally held to account for their actions. The sooner we stop feeling guilty about choices we make the more powerful we become as individuals.
Don’t let the sanctimonious brigade get to you.
All mine thrived. The eldest who was breastfed for a few weeks has the weakest immune system out of the three.
I would love to research the link between breastfeeding a new baby and post natal depression. It’s isolating for many and restricts a new mothers ability to get on with their day. I know it works for some but the amount of women I’ve encountered who were honest about breastfeeding was unbelievable. They were relieved when they felt they sort of had permission to bottlefeed. Do what’s right for you.

Of course there are many factors. But wanting your body back or the logistical ease of sharing feeds with someone else - well that’s for the mum’s benefit, not the baby’s. And that’s fine, if that’s your choice, but personally I cannot imagine putting my own convenience ahead of my baby’s health

Sanctimonious af.

This is why people call it the bf brigade.

Double standards galore. It's "shaming" to note the positives of breastfeeding. But its totally fine to outright insult breastfeeding mums and sing the praises of formula. Respecting each others choices goes both ways.

Fed is best. It does not matter how. Each to their own. There is no morally superior choice

I had an EMCS with DD 18 years ago, and she was taken to SCBU. I was so poorly after suffering with hyperemesis for the whole pregnancy (I was in and out of hospital) and almost skeletal. The midwives/nurses INSISTED I walked down to SCBU all all hours of the day and night to pump what little milk I could for them to brush on DD's mouth. It was insane and I don't know how I survived the whole experience. YANBU.

It's absolutely fine if you feel you need to to put those things first. If you choose to do it differently then that's fine too.

My toddler had a slice of frozen pizza with frozen veggies tea last night. Is that absolutely optimal? No, was it for my convenience after a day of taking her swimming, the park, to see relatives? Yes because I was exhausted and that's what I needed to do.

FF babies are not unhealthy BTW.

Well done on doing an excellent job of proving the OPs point though.

I was clear from the start I would only bottle feed, breastfeeding gives me the ick.

All my DCs are healthy and DH and our parents loved feeding them from the start too.

Do what's best for you.

So you think your decision is superior? Breast feeding doesn’t make you a better parent!

Saying Breast is Best is free. Providing proper support is very expensive and BF uis hard for many without that support. I have a rare condition causing severe low supply and it took two babies and a lot of money to get a diagnosis. The people I know who bf successfully had nurse or family support and could stay in bed feeding for the first few weeks to get it established. I believe B is B but it can't be used as a stick to beat women who are tossed out of hospital with no back up. I do think its a shame that it leads to division though and I think bf mothers get much harder time - no one talks about a formula gestapo although I certainly met them.

@Thequeenofwishfulthinking

I would love to research the link between breastfeeding a new baby and post natal depression

Somebody already did.

https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/breastfeeding-linked-to-lower-risk-of-postnatal-depression

So unkind. Do you realise that stripping another woman of her bodily autonomy is a little bit rapey on your part?

For the record, I don’t have children so have no dog in this fight. I just really dislike people who look down on others and that’s what the BF brigade do.

I was clear from the start I would only breastfeed, formula gives me the ick.

All my DCs are healthy and DH and our parents loved holding them from the start too.

Do what's best for you.

What the actual fuck are you talking about? What a weird take

Really not at all. I’m far from perfect.

I do lots of things which is for my convenience over my child’s best interest - I don’t always serve them organic veg in favour of a frozen pizza, I had a c-section over a vaginal birth etc etc.

but I don’t really care what other people think of my decisions, I totally get that other people make decisions that are important and right to them. BF was important to me but clearly isn’t to others.

I suppose I don’t really get all this “bf brigade” thing, because why does anyone care what someone else thinks? Nod, smile and move along to your own choice

We all put our own convenience ahead of our children's health at times:

• long day at work so instead of a veg stuffed meal cooked from scratch it's fish fingers/nuggets/pizza/McDonald's

• need to pop to Tesco after so let's drive for the school run rather than walk

• arranging out of school activities around work or other children's schedules rather than choosing the ones that are best for the DC

• need to get the kitchen cleaned before visitors arrive so stick the TV on

We all make these decisions day in day out, as well of course as decisions where we prioritise our DC at our own expense.

@fromthegecko thank you but to clarify I meant do my own research on the subject.

She's right though.

Many people will fight for a woman's bodily autonomy when it comes to consent in sexual relationships or reproductive rights. But then judge women for not sharing their breasts with a baby. It's a logically inconsistent view.

Some of these things are related to mental health though. Not just convenience.

Women do themselves no favours martyring themselves bf throughout the night at 6 months old. What the hell?

🙄

Women are so unhelpful using the term martyring when judging other mums choices. What the hell?

Well you can never have too much research, but that study did have a good sized dataset.

I'd like to see more research on post-weaning depression (which I suffered from), but I should think the data would be hard to normalise, because of variations in the age of weaning.

Completely agree with this. It’s the double standards that wind me up, too. Especially as BF mothers are very much in the minority. Just by virtue of the stats you will get far more people attacking BF than FF because most moms FF.

Do what you want, I won’t judge you but don’t judge me either. Don’t call me a martyr and don’t tell me I am part of a ‘brigade’ or that I am an earth mother type. And don’t spread a load of lies and misinformation about BF either. Not all moms find it hard, not all BF moms have PND or don’t sleep enough or have to spend a fortune on it etc.
I don’t feel superior for the fact that I BD my child but I am so glad that I did. I have wonderful memories of that time.

My (by then) ff babies fed through the night till 1... they clearly didn't get the memo. Bf friend fed in bed and got hours more sleep than me. Anecdotes are just one person's experience. As it happens my kid who got more bf than the other is fitter, faster and was less sick than the other but that's just one family, one experience.

The thread turned into BF v FF, which is a bit pointless as they both have pros and cons.

OP was objecting to BF being advertised, and I wonder if she feels the same way about FF being advertised, and if not why not.

The clickbait press like to lean into the 'Breastapo' narrative, which fits their world view, that anything that doesn't serve commercial interests is 'woke' (also see: anything about protecting the environment).