To be sick of the breast is best brigade?

[Bex5490]

Currently sat in a maternity waiting room, waiting to be told that I have a condition which I’ll need to take another round of antibiotics for. Which as I’m breastfeeding will probably give my 1 month old baby ANOTHER round of visibly uncomfortable oral thrush.

There is a video on the TV screen about how everyone should breastfeed playing on loop and what a bloody wonderful thing it is…

With my last baby I had such bad mastitis and suffered through until it was unbearable. The only advice my midwife ever offers now or offered then was keep going with the breastfeeding because…breast is best.

One of my friends had a low milk supply and her baby screamed day and night almost giving her a nervous breakdown until she reluctantly gave in and guiltily offered the baby a bottle.

I know I don’t want to keep giving my baby thrush through the antibiotics or pump all day for a smidgen of milk…so I’m going to switch to formula but something inside still feels guilty and like I’m not doing right by my baby because of the 9 months of people chiming on about how…breast is best.

For the sake of a mother’s mental health surely the message should be a bit more nuanced…

OK - Probably hormonal and living on chunks of 2 hr naps. Rant over!

I didn’t say it was as simple as that. What I said is breast fed is optimal. It is. Sometimes it’s not possible so optimal isn’t an option, that doesn’t alter the fact that breast fed is optimal.

It’s also optimal to have skin to skin. also not always possible. Still optimal.

Just because something isn’t available doesn’t alter that it’s optimal.

I breastfed for as long as I did (which wasn't massively long- switched to combi feeding after a few months then gave up completely at six months) because we paid £60 for a lactation consultant and then £200 to get the baby's tongue tie cut because the waiting list was so long.

There's no point telling mothers "breast is best" and acting like it's a choice when the NHS is so chronically underfunded that it really isn't. Then make people feel horribly guilty.

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I'd be interested in a link to the research. It's hard to believe that an ultra high processed food is that close to being as good as breast milk

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I was given the exact opposite advice to you - copious people told me I would not succeed at feeding - no proper advice was given, it was really hard going.

If I were less stubborn it would never have happened.

The fact is though it is best and moms should be encouraged to do so. There will always be exceptions and people who can't which is tough but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be promoted.

You are doing the right thing OP.

I have mixed feelings about the messaging. I fucking hated breast-feeding. I did it for well over a year, because of the Breast Is Best message. I actually think that I am generally intelligent enough to realise the nuance, as someone said upthread. But I was also exhausted, confused, lonely, upset and felt like me hating breastfeeding wasn't enough of a good reason to give up. I wish I had bottle fed and it contributed to my decision to stop at one child.

But despite all that, I think that in general breastfeeding has many advantages and for many is hard, so the message is still useful. I don't know. I wish there some way to pack nuance into the message.

Never experienced this. Always planned to formula feed DS and nobody at all batted an eyelid. I don't know anyone who has either. He's 2.5 and absolutely thriving. I really don't know why people almost kill themselves to breast feed.

Am I really the only person here to have BF for entirely selfish reasons? I'm tight. And I'm lazy. So something that's free, and doesn't involve tedious faffing around with sterilisers, was the perfect answer. I am a bit surprised that more people don't feel that way (all other things being equal).

Fed is mandatory, but a lot of women struggle to provide enough breast milk and are bullied into not looking at alternatives as their babies lose weight. So they're not being fed enough at times. Hence the expression which is quite common.

We're not discussing the difference between offering babies coke and water, or offering children crisps and oreos instead of a cooked meal as a one off. We're looking at perfectly good tailored-for-babies option, ie formula, which is a perfectly acceptable alternative for those who can't or don't want to breast feed for whatever reason.

I also think it's disingenuous to talk about 'ranking' them based on just 'food' status as a mother's mental health/distress/ angst/pain/infections/etc and a baby who isn't getting enough food for whatever reason also have to be factored in.

I’m sorry for what you’re going for but i completely disagree. Breast IS best. Obviously if you can’t or struggle then there are alternatives but as the UK has amongst lowest breastfeeding rates in the world so clearly women don’t feel that pressured by the message at all! I think there should be much more support for breastfeeding, lactation consultants on recovery wards, tougne tie on NHS etc I also think combi feeding should be encouraged, as I think this would help many women to continue rather than stop.

I was quite happy because two of us could do the “faffing” - which took about ten minutes a day - and it wasn’t just me waking during the night. You can faff much more efficiently if you’re getting a proper night’s sleep half the time.

Agreed!

Not the point of the thread I know but I actually did once see a woman pour coke into a baby bottle and give it to a baby who must have been about 7/8 months old. The one and only time I 100% did judge what someone else was feeding their baby!

Someone I know adopted a baby who had been raised on coke and rotted their teeth. Devastating

There are also health benefits for the mother.

Sheffield really bullied me at 19 to bf and I did not want to. I was forced on courses etc and I felt awful but I did not want to and they just did not respect my wishes.

2nd time at 25 I chose to ff but this was as my ex husband kicked of and said I wasn't allowed to bf.

Im 34 now and If I had another baby now which I'm not I would try to bf but If I couldn't or it hurt I wouldn't. Women shouldn't feel forced but they should know the benefits.

Also, going back to my original point. The message isn’t working! Why do people keep saying it!? It just drives me bonkers. The arguments aren't convincing 99% of families at 6 months. Thus it’s a shit argument.

I feel the whole mantra smacks of misogyny. Don’t give two parents enough time off so that breast feeding can be established without mum becoming a wreck. Don’t give proper access to tongue tie clinics or breast feeding support. Then say “breast is best” as if will power will over come cracked nipples, let down pain cluster feeding etc. I was in a high breast feeding area and I don’t know a single woman who managed it without having to reach out to a lactation consultant. It certainly wasn’t the cheaper option.

So yes I think “breast is best” is full of shit.

This. ^

Fair point - but I’ve read too many posts that are awful though! Women who haven’t slept all night for a year!

I was made to feel like an unfit mother when I couldn't breast feed DD, milk didn't come in due to haemorrhage but they still hounded me and one of the MW on the post natal ward chastised me for wearing a soft bra 🙄

The message is working over 80% of women start trying to breastfeed, dropping to 24% by 6 weeks. The question is why so many decide not to continue. The message is understood, but they aren't providing the infrastructure and support for new mums to help them breastfeed because it's fucking hard. And I say that as one of the 1%. They need to put their money where their mouth is. Breast is best, formula is a very good alternative if it doesn't work for you. But breastfeeding would work for a lot more people with more support.

I stated categorically from the beginning that I would not be BF and that I dis not want to hear otherwise.
And I didn’t. Be firm ladies. Your body, your choice.

I guess we kind of agree then? You’re saying we need the message and infrastructure and I’m saying that they can’t use the message instead of infrastructure?