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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of the breast is best brigade?

574 replies

Bex5490 · 21/04/2024 15:13

Currently sat in a maternity waiting room, waiting to be told that I have a condition which I’ll need to take another round of antibiotics for. Which as I’m breastfeeding will probably give my 1 month old baby ANOTHER round of visibly uncomfortable oral thrush.

There is a video on the TV screen about how everyone should breastfeed playing on loop and what a bloody wonderful thing it is…

With my last baby I had such bad mastitis and suffered through until it was unbearable. The only advice my midwife ever offers now or offered then was keep going with the breastfeeding because…breast is best.

One of my friends had a low milk supply and her baby screamed day and night almost giving her a nervous breakdown until she reluctantly gave in and guiltily offered the baby a bottle.

I know I don’t want to keep giving my baby thrush through the antibiotics or pump all day for a smidgen of milk…so I’m going to switch to formula but something inside still feels guilty and like I’m not doing right by my baby because of the 9 months of people chiming on about how…breast is best.

For the sake of a mother’s mental health surely the message should be a bit more nuanced…

OK - Probably hormonal and living on chunks of 2 hr naps. Rant over!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Weloveflowerss · 21/04/2024 20:50

PrincessFionaCharming · 21/04/2024 20:49

I just genuinely don’t understand why it matters so
much to some people. It honestly doesn’t matter.

I had two little witches talk loudly in a cafe about their disgust at me formula feeding my newborn. It was my first outing by myself with the baby and I was a nervous wreck.

I mean why? Why would anyone care how another person chose to feed their baby? Why does it matter so much?

That’s awful I’m sorry you had to go through that. I also formula fed and felt judged when I was out but never heard such comments but that would have made me an anxious wreck.

PrincessFionaCharming · 21/04/2024 20:51

Honestly breastfeeding is incredibly good for babies and it's important that people know and understand that

But WHY? What difference do you really think it makes in the long run? Can you see the difference in the school playground?

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 21/04/2024 20:51

NannyGythaOgg · 21/04/2024 20:08

I am one of 7 children born between 1945 and 1960. Some of us were breast fed and some formula. We are all alive and kicking (aged between 64 and 79) with no real health differences (certainly none attributal to method of feeding).

I suspect mum had a level of gestational diabetes as most of us were at least 10lbs born and 2 were very close to 12lb.

I was one who was exclusively breast fed - I am the only one with a diagnosis of neurodiversity.
My younger sister was 11lb 12oz. Refused to breast feed (baby number 6 so mum did know what she was doing). On the midwife's advice, baby rice was added to her bottles from day one (hungry baby and weaning was advised at 12lbs weight back then). She has grown up to be the shortest (5'4") and slimmest of us all (size 8). The other big baby is also slim.
I, as I said, was exclusively breast fed. Probably not for 6 months as that wasn't considered advisable then, but at least 3. I am the one who has struggled most with my weight, all my life and still do.
Like most I agree breast is best in optimal conditions BUT and it's a very big BUT .... Fed is best for sure. And a happy/contented mum is far more likely to have a happy contented baby. (But even that isn't guaranteed)

It's obviously been a long day because I read your first sentence and thought: there were definitely more than 7 people born between 1945 and 1960. 😂

Bedtime soon.

Loveskin2024 · 21/04/2024 20:51

Breastfeeding is really bloody hard at first (it took me two months to actually breastfeed as I had a huge PPH and was very ill). I actually didn’t get any support or encouragement off any health professional to breastfeed. I don’t think I would have carried on if it wasn’t for my husbands support. His mum breastfed 5 babies so it was normal for him growing up, formula wasn’t something he knew about. When I was struggling he kept encouraging me, I’m so glad he did now and didn’t tell to give up. I do think this support from the partners is really important

Midwinter91 · 21/04/2024 20:52

If it doesn’t work for you health wise just don’t breastfeed anymore. No need to be triggered by signage. If the NHS didn’t promote that breastfeeding is best fewer babies and toddlers would get breast milk and they could have worse health.

Blamhe · 21/04/2024 20:54

Breast is not always best. Give your baby formula , you will be much happier. No feeding on demand, Dad or family can help with feeds. The majority of breast babies I know are not content and clingy.

FuckOffTom · 21/04/2024 20:57

Blamhe · 21/04/2024 20:54

Breast is not always best. Give your baby formula , you will be much happier. No feeding on demand, Dad or family can help with feeds. The majority of breast babies I know are not content and clingy.

🤦‍♀️

Waffle19 · 21/04/2024 20:57

I’ve never felt any pressure to breastfeed. No-one has ever told me breast is best and I’ve definitely never watched any video stating that. If you want to formula feed please just do so.

You’ll find through your journey of parenthood that you will feel irrationally guilty about a lot of things, it’s usually more our inner voice critiquing us than anyone else external I find. We mums put ourselves under more pressure than anyone else.

I do find it the other way round though and feel like I had to almost never mention or show that I was breastfeeding because I was so worried people would be thinking I was smug or superior. My second is almost one and I do feel like I almost need to hide the fact I’m breastfeeding for fear people will think I’m judging them for not doing so. Again probably all in my head though!

CelesteCunningham · 21/04/2024 20:57

momoftwo11 · 21/04/2024 20:49

Honestly breastfeeding is incredibly good for babies and it's important that people know and understand that. YABU. You have chosen not to breastfeed and that's your choice but don't get angry because a video is trying to remind you of the benefits of sticking in with it. I think "fed is best" can be quite harmful and leads to people choosing to formula feed when they may have very easily managed to breastfeed. It's everyone's choice how they feed but everyone also deserves to know the facts.

IS it incredibly good for babies? I think it's more like slightly better.

And OP posted on this thread literally while breastfeeding her baby.

FuckOffTom · 21/04/2024 20:58

PrincessFionaCharming · 21/04/2024 20:51

Honestly breastfeeding is incredibly good for babies and it's important that people know and understand that

But WHY? What difference do you really think it makes in the long run? Can you see the difference in the school playground?

I have no idea what difference it makes in the long run but if it does, you most certainly wouldn’t be able to ‘see’ it 🤦‍♀️

teabooks · 21/04/2024 21:00

Mine were both bottle fed no way i was breast feeding.
Started spoon feeding at 4 months never used baby food either.
When they got to 6 months i use to make the bottles with half a rusk in it.
9 months old put on full fat cows milk.
neither of my 2 have had any jabs either apart from when they were born.
Times have changed from when i had mine.

walnutcoffeecake · 21/04/2024 21:01

Thank god i didnt have kids.

Loveskin2024 · 21/04/2024 21:04

Thank god i didnt have kids

aren’t us women mean to each other about our choices. Perhaps this is why men are in charge

Leonarda89 · 21/04/2024 21:07

Somethink · 21/04/2024 16:48

@Leonarda89 have you read the Emily Osters book? She explains why she discounts several studies (based on their research methods) - she does say there are some minimal benefits, and that she chose to bf as she felt it brought her and baby closer, but that realistically on balance the effects are small. Do you have some particular studies that refute her claims?

I bf my own baby so I'm not 'trying to make myself feel better' (horrible argument!) just think we should be more honest about it! I would 100% think bf is better if there's no access to sterile water/ contamination concerns, but that's not the case in the UK.

Yes I have, and although she gives explanations there are lots of studies with rigorous methodology which she ignores. This is a good review of evidence on benefits of breastfeeding https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3508512/

I agree that not everyone can breastfeed for various reason but when rates are so low and the benefits are so great it's not helpful to pretend that breast feeding is not the best way to feed if you are able.

Breastfeeding and Health Outcomes for the Mother-Infant Dyad

Worldwide, breastfeeding saves the lives of infants and reduces their disease burden. Breastfeeding also reduces the disease burden for mothers. This article examines who chooses to breastfeed and for how long in the American context. It also reviews ....

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3508512

walnutcoffeecake · 21/04/2024 21:10

Loveskin2024 · 21/04/2024 21:04

Thank god i didnt have kids

aren’t us women mean to each other about our choices. Perhaps this is why men are in charge

Its not mean its just an opinion of the things parents have to deal with what they have to choose etc.
So yeah im pleased i dont have children.

Loveskin2024 · 21/04/2024 21:12

@walnutcoffeecake it was a nasty comment and a nasty way to think. You’ve put yourself on a pedestal and used mother’s bad experiences to give yourself a warm feeling.

Loveskin2024 · 21/04/2024 21:13

I wish us women would support each other.

FuckOffTom · 21/04/2024 21:15

I think the issue with citing ‘studies’ is that you have to remember that studies cost money. They are more likely to get funded if there is a potential profit in it for the funder. BF isn’t a multi billion dollar industry and so few have a vested interest in funding extensive research in to it.

For me, the message is that there is a chance that FF isn’t as good for your baby as BF. But there is no chance that BF isn’t as good for your baby as FF. We don’t know exactly how much ‘better’ BF is, just that it is. We don’t know exactly what those benefits are, how long they last etc.

So for a mom that managed to BF, that didn’t find it a faff and that couldn’t be arsed with bottles, BF was the obvious choice. Doesn’t mean that BF is the best way for everyone as there are a myriad of factors involved.

theeyeofdoe · 21/04/2024 21:15

GoodnightAdeline · 21/04/2024 17:14

Just to add my credentials I mix fed my first for 6 months then formula fed to 12 months. She’s healthy as a horse at 4 and rarely catches colds and so on.

My second was EBF. He has cows milk protein allergy and eczema.

I think once you’ve seen what little difference it makes having FF one child and EBF another, the whole argument seems a bit over the top. And I’m equally as close to both of my children, arguably DC1 is more confident.

And I think that's the problem. Breastfeeding studies are done over a population and so their benefits and drawbacks for mums and babies are not individual.
Possibly as genome mapping is done at birth, we'll be able to decide who will benefit most from breastfeeding, but until we have a decent, caring, coherent post natal care service that is unlikely to work either.

What we currently have is these militant breastfeeding organisations who basically say to keep going, when it's clearly not working. And postnatal care is awful. We don't help new mothers, they leave too soon after a section.

theeyeofdoe · 21/04/2024 21:17

walnutcoffeecake · 21/04/2024 21:01

Thank god i didnt have kids.

Actually kids are amazing. I can't imagine life without my three. But that's why we're posting on a chat room called mumsnet.

User79853257976 · 21/04/2024 21:19

Bex5490 · 21/04/2024 15:13

Currently sat in a maternity waiting room, waiting to be told that I have a condition which I’ll need to take another round of antibiotics for. Which as I’m breastfeeding will probably give my 1 month old baby ANOTHER round of visibly uncomfortable oral thrush.

There is a video on the TV screen about how everyone should breastfeed playing on loop and what a bloody wonderful thing it is…

With my last baby I had such bad mastitis and suffered through until it was unbearable. The only advice my midwife ever offers now or offered then was keep going with the breastfeeding because…breast is best.

One of my friends had a low milk supply and her baby screamed day and night almost giving her a nervous breakdown until she reluctantly gave in and guiltily offered the baby a bottle.

I know I don’t want to keep giving my baby thrush through the antibiotics or pump all day for a smidgen of milk…so I’m going to switch to formula but something inside still feels guilty and like I’m not doing right by my baby because of the 9 months of people chiming on about how…breast is best.

For the sake of a mother’s mental health surely the message should be a bit more nuanced…

OK - Probably hormonal and living on chunks of 2 hr naps. Rant over!

The midwife was right about continuing to feed through mastitis. It helps clear the infection and prevent further backing up of milk. Stopping suddenly can make mastitis worse or cause it in the first place. Do you think maybe this is an internalised thing? They don’t even use the phrase breast is best anymore.

Original poster
Bex5490 · 21/04/2024 21:19

walnutcoffeecake · 21/04/2024 21:01

Thank god i didnt have kids.

Honestly…know your audience Walnut! 😂

OP posts:
Whatifthehokeycokey · 21/04/2024 21:26

CHEESEY13 · 21/04/2024 17:22

Don't let the Earth-Mother-Breast-Is-Best types wear you down with their sanctimonious finger-wagging, upholding themselves as paragons of all things maternal.

Floating around on their self-righteous egos, pre-Raphaelite curly halos, flowing Laura Ashley frocks (concealing grimy feet in grimy sandals), woofing down bowls of home-made keffir and crushed hemp seeds, etc,etc,etc. You get the picture.

God, I'd like to see these Marvellous Uber Maters when they're "off duty" behind closed doors...........filling the baby up on Formula and air-frying bloody fish fingers and chips!

This is so poisonous! Why do you hate other women so much? Did you get bullied by some mean girls?

It would be easy to make a nasty caricature of all different "mummy tribes" whether BF or FF.

Pretty sure the Mums who make breastfeeding part of their identity (I have friends like this) are not secretly formula feeding behind closed doors lol.

FuckOffTom · 21/04/2024 21:28

Whatifthehokeycokey · 21/04/2024 21:26

This is so poisonous! Why do you hate other women so much? Did you get bullied by some mean girls?

It would be easy to make a nasty caricature of all different "mummy tribes" whether BF or FF.

Pretty sure the Mums who make breastfeeding part of their identity (I have friends like this) are not secretly formula feeding behind closed doors lol.

Show quote history

It was a vile post, wasn’t it??