To be sick of the breast is best brigade?

[Bex5490]

Currently sat in a maternity waiting room, waiting to be told that I have a condition which I’ll need to take another round of antibiotics for. Which as I’m breastfeeding will probably give my 1 month old baby ANOTHER round of visibly uncomfortable oral thrush.

There is a video on the TV screen about how everyone should breastfeed playing on loop and what a bloody wonderful thing it is…

With my last baby I had such bad mastitis and suffered through until it was unbearable. The only advice my midwife ever offers now or offered then was keep going with the breastfeeding because…breast is best.

One of my friends had a low milk supply and her baby screamed day and night almost giving her a nervous breakdown until she reluctantly gave in and guiltily offered the baby a bottle.

I know I don’t want to keep giving my baby thrush through the antibiotics or pump all day for a smidgen of milk…so I’m going to switch to formula but something inside still feels guilty and like I’m not doing right by my baby because of the 9 months of people chiming on about how…breast is best.

For the sake of a mother’s mental health surely the message should be a bit more nuanced…

OK - Probably hormonal and living on chunks of 2 hr naps. Rant over!

Was it because you constantly whinged about the lack of sleep and the fact that it was all on you etc? Because that tended to be my experience with the breast feeding mums back when I had wee ones.

Haven't RTFT so apologies if I'm repeating what others have said.

I really liked Oster's work in this area - and to those criticising her as she doesn't have a medical background, as a health economist analysing multiple studies and combining them to try arrive at a result on the population level is exactly what she does day in day out.

Iirc, she found that there was a massive advantage in breast milk for premies and a reduction in breast cancer for women who breastfeed, but that the other purported advantages (intelligence, obesity, immunity) are much harder to prove and the impact of being breastfed is absolutely dwarfed by the impact of being raised in a stable family by loving parents who prioritise their children's health, happiness and education.

In short - if you're worrying about this, then your DC will be just fine regardless.

That ties in with what I see around me. I know breastfed kids who catch everything and formula fed kids who catch nothing.

If I look around my DC's friends, I probably could do a pretty good job of identifying who was breastfed - but that would be based on the socio-economic status and education level of their mothers, not the health (or intelligence or weight) of the DC.

(Both of mine were EBF without issue so I've no skin in this game.)

Please don’t use your experience of people’s judgement to minimise the feelings of others.

I’m not the person who judged you for breastfeeding and unless you’re someone who goes around telling people how to feed their baby, then my post wasn’t aimed at you.

I AM also a breastfeeding mother so please explain why you think I have a chip on my shoulder.

I was a single parent so never had help anyway.
I didn’t talk about lack of sleep any more than anyone else did. All new mums talk about fatigue I think.

Mostly I kept quiet on the subject of feeding, because I knew my place. Breast feeding mums have to constantly watch what they say, so as not to appear smug. I learned that from MN.

But thank you for perpetuating the myth than formula fed babies sleep better than breastfed ones.

Because mums who formula feed are always on MN moaning about having their choice judged, when often the “judgement” was just generic routine advice from a midwife. In your case you’ve taken offence at a film in a waiting room, encouraging mums to do what you yourself did. If you’re so confident in your decision, why are you annoyed about the film?

I felt SO GUILTY making the switch! Because of everything you described.

My healthcare professionals were utterly shocking if I’m honest. My child has an undiagnosed tongue tie and they never even considered that fact despite what a struggle the first 2 months were. After I told one of them I literally was breastfeeding all the time, was in pain, and didn’t even have time to take a shower because every regular feed took 1 hour - their response was ‘well what else you going to do, it’s covid’

I should have made a complaint…. Instead I went home and gave my child his first formula bottle. Scary as I just wanted some advice and support about making the switch….. however, despite the initial guilt, I have never looked back! My child also was fuller for longer, more content and thrived. We got into a new routine quickly and I know it was the right decision and one I should have made sooner.

Every child is different - so is every mother. We don’t all have a massive milk supply.

Mothers know best! Genuinely sod them! Do what’s right for you and your little one.

I would say if I see people are struggling and say they're thinking of giving it up I say breastfeeding is hard, and if you don't want to do it don't. Formula fed baby with happy mum is much better. But if they want to try to continue breastfeeding as a last try to look for local breastfeeding charities.

Had I gone in and just had NHS help I would not still be exclusively breastfeeding my baby. I went to an antenatal class of local charity, and they have peer supporters in hospital and daily groups. The midwives wanted me to latch baby in specific way we didn't get along with. I went for a different position that worked much better I was taught to do in the antenatal class, much to the midwives horror and 'oh we don't recommend that' (it was rugby hold fgs!). I also stayed in hospital an extra day to establish feeding. I can totally see why being chucked out quickly without proper help means you'd struggle massively to establish feeding, I imagine most end up with severe weight loss and jaundice.

I was never going to be able to BF my children due to medication I need to take which would be toxic in breastmilk. As soon as I told midwives, HVs, doctors etc I was formula feeding I was repeatedly told that it wasn't a big deal and the benefits aren't quite s enormous as they are they are sometimes hyped up to be across the board.

Ultimately the must important thing is that of a balance of good health and nutrition AND positive maternal physical and mental health. As soon as the pendulum swings too far in either direction the message has gone wrong and things aren't achieving their desired objective. It's too easy to misunderstand the message by becoming hyper focused on 'breast is best', it's not best at the expense of everything else. Formula fed babies thrive in this world and sometimes mums need support in knowing this can be the right thing.

Yes! I was made to feel like a failure as I couldn't manage to breastfeed.

I absolutely love breastfeeding my babies. Have been breastfeeding practically non stop for almost 5 years. But I only think it’s best for me and my babies. Formula is amazing too and I loved feeding bottles to my friends baby’s. Do what’s best for you and listen to yourself. No one ever asks me if I was bottle or formula fed so it doesn’t really matter in the long run 😂

I was made to feel a weirdo because I did breastfeed. Not by health care professionals, but by other mums. And we’re not talking breastfeeding pre schoolers, or even toddlers. Mine both stopped at around 14 months. And I was made to feel disgusting for breastfeeding in public.

All books, adverts, media, pictures - all of it shows babies having bottles. That is the norm. Breastfeeders are freaks.

And yet somehow, formula feeding mums get angry and indignant.

And getting angry because breastfeeding is being promoted in a healthcare setting is just ridiculous. As I say, feed your baby how you want to, but own your decision, and don’t expect the world to change to fit your personal feelings.

FED is best. End of.

I do think us mums take on all this supposed judgement ourselves and really over think it all. In reality no one actually cares if you breastfeed or bottle feed. I remember feeling guilty for pumping with my first for a month or so uniting I could get her to latch on properly. Ridiculous as no one cares at all but I was convinced i was being judged 😂

Sorry for your experience. You should've had your baby where I live - everyone begged me to formula feed, even the midwives and one health visitor. I only ever breastfed but got constantly bombarded with how 'bad' it was (your baby won't sleep well, your baby won't bond with daddy, when are you stopping?).

If I'd have had one ounce of positivity it would've helped my mental health massively. Yabu to think we can't say 'breast is best' in case it upsets someone (if that is what you're saying, if not I am happy to be corrected).

I'm happy ff worked out for you.

So what, people just came up to you and told you
to formula feed, for no reason?

on your final point, I don’t know if it’s a myth or not 🤷🏻‍♀️ What I can say, purely anecdotally, is that all the mums I knew who made the switch from breast to formula did so because their sleep was utterly wrecked, and “couldn’t believe” the difference when on formula.

I can see why it might not fit the narrative though.

As long as baby is fed, that's all that matters x

@MumblesParty exactly that!

I’m annoyed because it doesn’t give a full description of the reality of breastfeeding. It is too simplistic in its delivery which leads to women feeling inadequate.

Equally this is my experience of advice from midwives. I agree with you that it is ‘generic’ advice because it doesn’t factor in anything other than the goodness of which liquid is better rather than the needs, emotions or well being of the individual. And I think this generic advice when they refuse to deviate from it can be harmful to vulnerable new mothers.

I obviously don’t think someone breastfeeding themselves is harmful.

Women need better support to make breastfeeding successful.

i had a huge number of barriers to success, but had the privilege of access to private IBCLC lactation consultants that answered the phone 24/7 and did same day visits. If everyone had that level of support, breastfeeding rates would be much higher. Hurdles like poor latch, low supply, and even needing to take medication are surprisingly possible to work around if you have someone with real knowledge and experience helping you.

so no, the breast is best message shouldn’t stop. It should be double-down. There needs to be more funding for proper breastfeeding education and support.

when you go into that exam room, your doctor should be able to call or text a hotline for advice on a prescription that will work best for you and the baby. Also for preventative advice about thrush and for treating if it happens. That should be standard and normal care for mothers of infants, not the exception.

If all things are equal breast feeding is better, but the problem is all things are not always equal. I wouldn't give up breast feeding entirely if I were you for a short term problem (ie thrush), also how do you know baby will definitely get it? That said if you are finding it such a miserable experience that breast feeding is affecting your mental health then give it up, baby needs a happy and healthy mum more. I do think - not saying you at all - we give up breast feeding too easily in the UK, the number of women still breastfeeding at 6 months is shockingly low which is very sad, not least in a cost of living crisis when breast milk is free and formula is very much not. We need better support for breast feeding, not just to be told it's great and crack on.

I agree with you they should be more honest with women of potential issues before birth but there should also be the support to help mum and baby. Many women need to supplement, do top ups or be on feeding programs to help baby.

I'm lucky I'm in Scotland and had a infant feeding team access because I knew to ask for it.
I also had a baby in neonatal where they are very supportive in helping mums because breast milk does make a difference to outcomes.

I think a bit more honesty about potential issues and support would help those who wish to continue bf to do so. Why women feel upset or guilty in some cases is because they feel they aren't able to produce enough or baby drinks a while bottle of formula. Many new mums dont realise a bottle hits a swallow reflex in the mouth of a baby they will keep swallowing til it comes back up.

As said previous I don't care how women choose to feed their baby. I do belive women should be supported in their decisions and as a whole post natal support for mums is inadequate on most aspects. From post birth recovery, feeding, mental health and physiotherapy. Sadly our system is too stretched to sort most of these.

I just genuinely don’t understand why it matters so
much to some people. It honestly doesn’t matter.

I had two little witches talk loudly in a cafe about their disgust at me formula feeding my newborn. It was my first outing by myself with the baby and I was a nervous wreck.

I mean why? Why would anyone care how another person chose to feed their baby? Why does it matter so much?

Also this, fully agree @Ponderingwindow

Honestly breastfeeding is incredibly good for babies and it's important that people know and understand that. YABU. You have chosen not to breastfeed and that's your choice but don't get angry because a video is trying to remind you of the benefits of sticking in with it. I think "fed is best" can be quite harmful and leads to people choosing to formula feed when they may have very easily managed to breastfeed. It's everyone's choice how they feed but everyone also deserves to know the facts.

YABU. Breast is best. The biggest judgers are formula feeders, I’ve found. Not talking about this thread in particular but I’ve seen horrible remarks on other threads. Breast is best - but hopefully we all understand that for some it’s not possible. That’s ok.

The breastfeeding rate in this country is shockingly low. My friend wanted to BF but said she had no support in hospital. I got loads of support with my last baby even though I’d fed two babies before, so perhaps it varies, but I think there’s a general nasty/prudish/jealous attitude about breastfeeding in society from some people.

That video was a tiny attempt at trying to counteract the vast, vast amount of money spent on promoting formula milk. It’s a good thing. I’d have more personally, along with non-judgemental support and information that’s readily accessible to pregnant women and new mums.

I hope you’re feeling better soon, OP.