I don't really understand getting married

[Springisnear4]

I don't really understand the point of it other than it being a party and you get presents. I know some people do it on a budget but generally you spend loads of money, is it about showing your love to the world? I don't know, I don't get it.

Marriage is also easily understood. A friend was devastated when her husband was in a car crash and despite having a legal partnership agreement the hospital asked her in laws permission and consent for organ donation - marriage makes it all simple clear and easy at difficult times.

Yes, this.

A friend of mine had a child but never married - sadly her partner passed away suddenly in an accident and she was left up shit creek without a paddle. She had access to nothing - none of his money, she wasn't NoK so couldn't arrange the funeral, she nearly lost her home and (at the time) couldn't even claim widows' benefits. She was also pregnant when he died.

She was incredibly lucky that her partners' parents didn't cut her off and allowed her access to his money etc. but it could so easily have gone the other way and she'd have been left with nothing.

I’m confused here-can you explain? He was her husband, AND they had a legal partnership agreement (why do you need that when you’ve got married?) and his parents still had to give consent for organ donation?

I assume PP meant partner, not husband.

Well personally I wanted to get married show commitment and I didn't want my children to be illegitimate...it's a legal minefield for children of unmarried parents .and why do you care about other folks decisions..it's best for couples and children married parents have less chance of separation and that's be proven

I agree, I think the poster meant the man the friend regarded as her husband - though 'husband' in law means the man a person is married to, so no, he wasn't her husband.

Also the "legal partnership agreement" may have been a cohabitation agreement, which is not the same as a state-recognised civil partnership.

To be honest we didn't have a clue about legal consequences. No one talked about getting married for legal or practical reasons 40 odd years ago or at least no one I knew did.

We were quite young and just wanted to be together for life and did not want to just live together.

So many outdated and quite offensive concepts here

We didn't get presents lol and married because of love no other reason than that

No, we didn't go into with regard to finances and legalities. I guess we maybe should have but it never entered our heads.

We were convinced we would be together for life and 44 years on we are still together, still very happy and still very much in love.

We don't have children so no worries there although I know if I die DH will not remarry and neither will I if he dies. One marriage is what we both believe in.

@mydogisthebest if you don’t mind me asking what sounds quite an insensitive question, why does it matter if one of you remarries on death if have no children so inheritance doesn’t need to be protected I the same way?

This isn't intended to be snarky, but did you both therefore marry the first person you loved?

I'm divorced now and will never marry again. Through inheritance I'm worth quite a bit of money and no way will I be agreeing to hand half of it over if my husband has an affair and leaves.

I'm taking every opportunity I get to explain this to my DC too.

Marriage might be romantic and lovely. It's also a legal contract telling you to give half your worldly possessions to someone else, no matter how they treat you. No pre-nup is watertight.

No thanks.

I'd have a lovely celebration day with friends but nothing would make me sign a marriage certificate again.

Just our own personal views and beliefs. We both believe marriage is for life (well for eternity actually) and never of us believe in divorce although if we had been unhappy we would have separated but not divorced.

We both believe in only 1 marriage so no way would either of us marry again

Nope

but you did start a thread about being very depressed you are single which is probably quite relevant to your view on marriage!

Used to think the same of you. mid 40s and together more than 20 years. then in the space of 5 years we lost my nana.ly father in law also about 10 friends or people we know got very sick with cancer or other illnesses. one friend got married in a hospital with her husband dying 3 days later. when your partner dies or gets sick you are and can be treated like a stranger..your entitled to fuck all. all the hard work you both did building a life together is swept away. you be surprised how family can turn once someone dies. we did get married had a small wedding and I actually really enjoyed it. the feeling that day I had was unreal something never experienced before. yes things can go up shite creek and divorce happens. but I actually think the crap of not being married and someone dies or gets sick is actually far far worse

You do feel different once married (at least I did). It’s a sort of ‘wow, this is it, we’re in this together for life, we’ve made this huge commitment in front of everyone we know’ type feeling.
This was how I felt and I’d been with my husband 5 years before we married.

I can't remember how far in advance I asked @Noyesnoyes but I posted no more than a week beforehand. We went for a fry up afterwards with one of the witnesses (who had brought her two children as it was in the school holidays). The other one had errands to run! Biggest regret is not getting a photo of us all together!

If you are in hospital on life saving treatment, the doctors will ask your parents to make decisions. If you're married, they'll ask your spouse.

There's lots of reasons, but that's one of them (which usually isn't covered by other things like making a will)

The legal stuff aside (which I think is the MOST IMPORTANT thing about being married and I do think needs to be drummed into women repeatedly from an early age), I have found being married to be the loveliest thing I’ve ever done. I was with my husband for 8 years before we got married, and we’d lived together for most of that time so I didn’t expect it to feel so different but it really did. I loved making that vow in front of people, and making a legally binding contract that we loved each other and would stand by each other forever. It just felt so serious and romantic. And being married made us feel like a unit in a different way to before. It’s just the nicest feeling I’ve ever had, being my husband’s wife. I’m so proud of my marriage.

We got married on the cheap. We did it for the financial benefits but we were also planning on having a child in the future. I'm the one who has taken mat leave and I don't know if I will go back to work after the year is up. That will be a big hole in my pension pot. I trust my DH completely but I wouldn't consider staying off work to raise our child without that safety net.

are you still in contact with them?

You don't understand weddings or marriage?
If it is marriage. Do you not understand it ro just not agree with it?

Of course you understand it very strange post.

You’ll understand once you leave Primary school.