I don't really understand getting married

[Springisnear4]

I don't really understand the point of it other than it being a party and you get presents. I know some people do it on a budget but generally you spend loads of money, is it about showing your love to the world? I don't know, I don't get it.

THIS! ^ The big party with all the people you love and care about (and who love and care about you,) is the best thing about weddings!

Of course, it's also OK to just have a tiny wedding with a handful guests if it's all you want, or all you can afford.

But yeah, as has been said, saying you can't AFFORD to get married is a poor excuse to not get married. I don't understand why people refuse to get married. The reasons they come up with are very poor, very ignorant, and very worrying. As has been said, it's worth a couple of hundred £££ to secure your future!

I bet these people saying they can't afford to get married think nothing of spending money on an expensive smartphone/a pricey monthly phone contract, clothes they don't really need and hardly wear, a nice car, nights out/meals out, and fancy holidays.

They will deny it of course. 😎

Right, okay.

I just think the assumption that I must be with a man who won't marry me is rude. I've explained our situation and you've disregarded that to impose your prejudices.

Marriage isn't a good idea for everybody. I'm glad you're happy and would never judge your life choices in this way. But for us, as we are at the moment there is nothing to persuade me that we would gain anything from being married.

usually its smaller amount vs the large amount for the wedding that can make the difference , at least thats one perspective

My “wedding” only cost the marriage licence fee.

You don’t have to dress up, have guests, have a party.

We had jack shit when we got married, but I was concerned about next of kin, if one of us got ill, decisions around death etc.

You may not have much now but it's also about protecting the future "you" as well. DH and I started out pretty evenly matched in terms of income, but for various reasons, he now earns double what I do as I've had to drop to part-time for health reasons.

Being married protects me massively. You never know what the future may bring in terms of your health, earning potential and living situation.

Nope here marriage I think it not the right move.

it isn’t about love it is about practicalities and for a couple who have joint children and joint assets (particularly those who met young and built up assets together) it’s benefits far outweigh the risks

for a couple who are older and come in with separate assets if they are planning children I would say yes but with some caveats

in this situation no way

@mydogisthebest

Me and DH got married for romantic reasons not practical or legal reasons.

Most people who get married assume they are in it for life. Sadly many marriages don’t work out for many reasons.

I assume that you still went in to it with your eyes wide open with regards to finances and legalities. Many people don’t.

As an example, if you were to receive a significant inheritance your DH would be entitled to his share (likely 50%). If he then remarries, your children may lose out because the new wife inherits him.

It is true that marriage can be protective for the weaker party which is usually the female partner in a heterosexual relationship.

@TheWonderhorse dying intestate is an absolute pain particularly with tenancies and even the most minimal assets will be frozen, things such as NoK if in hospital and what about the business - as I said October is free will month and getting a basic will set up

remember state pension as well goes to a spouse

You don't need a big wedding to start a good marriage.

As an example, if you were to receive a significant inheritance your DH would be entitled to his share (likely 50%). If he then remarries, your children may lose out because the new wife inherits him.

You're not automatically entitled to a share of someone's inheritance just because you're married - the law is a bit more complicated than that. In some cases a spouse may be entitled to some of the money, but it's certainly not an automatic right upon divorce.

@fieldsofbutterflies sure it can be argued that it should not go to the other party in equal shares, however in a needs case (which the majority of divorces are) it would be hard to argue this. It’s only one example of many where you might want to tread carefully.

As a divorcee there is a worrying amount of ignorance about the protection marriage brings to the table. The days of spousal maintenance etc are long gone save for in exceptional circumstances and child maintenance is obviously payable regardless of the parents’ relationship status.
in that slightly biased context (!) I would say that in terms of what’s the point of marriage v a wedding - if you get lucky and beat the odds and stay married until one of your dies, there is obviously potential IHT savings.
But really it’s a very easy contract to renege on nowadays and does not provide as much protection as a lot of people do think!

Irrespective of monetary matters, do you both either not have ANY other family, or, if you do, do you both get on really (and I mean REALLY) well with each other's family? The reason I ask is what happens if one of you gets very ill and unable to advocate for themselves or god forbid dies? Do you have wills and POA's? Otherwise you might find that they decide what will happen with regards to treatment and / or funeral arrangements that the remaining partner doesn't agree with or is simply excluded from and there is simply nothing they can do. Can you imagine not being at the side of your loved one as they die, because their family, the next of kin, has decided so. The hospital would have to have you removed on their say so. If you are married, YOU are next of kin so they couldn't. You might think it will be fine, but it's surprising what behaviour comes out of the family woodwork when these things happen.

I think a lot of people genuinely don't realise this re. state pensions. You must be married or in a civil partnership in order to receive your partners' pension upon their death. Being engaged or living together means you get absolutely nothing.

Private pensions are a bit different but it's still much easier to claim someone's pension if you're married (or in a civil partnership).

Absolutely, people need to be aware either way.

@Wingingit11 i think it is the protections and benefits if you do stay together that you get vs if you aren’t married
next of kin,
state pension
inheritance tax (which I didn’t realise until recently)
joint house moving directly over
being able to deal with assets etc

it is those that are important the ones nearer the end of life

what are the rights and obligations after marriage? I also don't know the difference between marriage and partnership. When you love you'd like to maintain the relationship, partnership and marriage in case of married couple, and when you don't love each any more, you separate and divorce. What's the so called obligations and rights? Do you mean financial rights?

@Quartz2208 agree relevant considerations, but not all cannot be dealt with outside of marriage eg sorting powers of attorney etc. it does basically boil down to if you beat the 1 in 2/3 stats to reach the end of time (lovely) you are in a better position in some respects but not all. However if you don’t (statistically not unlikely!) you may actually be worse off depending on how your arrangements pan out

I just checked and at my local council it's £35 per person for the notice appointment and the cheapest Registry Office ceremony is £47.
So £117.

Cheaper than writing a Will.

There is a difference between a wedding and a marriage.

I see no point in a wedding and sometimes wonder if there is a correlation between how much you spend and how long it lasts. It feels as if the more you spend the more likely you are to get divorced.

marriage itself is a legal contract that provides protection in relationships that have broken down and makes things easier when one partner dies.

We didn't spend that much on ours. We already had a home, felt like the natural next step. We had been together for many years, so we knew we both wanted the relationship to last. As we wanted children, it was financially safer for me to marry, especially as we thought I'd be a stay at home mum for a while. It was also nice to have our wedding when we did. It wasn't just about us. My dad was able to walk me down the aisle and celebrate with the rest of the family. Only 4 months later he was no longer with us due to cancer. So it was well worth it for me, just for that alone!!

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/#:~:text=Your%20legal%20rights%20as%20a,than%20if%20you're%20married.

Here’s one :) I’m a woman and I said no when my partner proposed. I saw my mum go through a lengthy, expensive divorce which benefitted my dad more than her and decided that’s not for me, ever. I also hate the history of marriage as basically an exchange of the ownership of a woman between two men! My partner would still like to get married, but there’s no way I’m going to change my mind!

We got married and didn't invite anyone.

Didn't cost a fortune. No party.

We fucked off because it was about us not anyone else. And it's still easier than alternative legal protections.

HTH.

The majority of couples I know are unmarried. I ask about it and it is ALWAYS teh higher earner who says the "just a piece of paper" shite 😂