I don't really understand getting married

[Springisnear4]

I don't really understand the point of it other than it being a party and you get presents. I know some people do it on a budget but generally you spend loads of money, is it about showing your love to the world? I don't know, I don't get it.

I have a nasty feeling you are right.

The wedding is basically a party yes, but marriage is a legal contract. Should the worst happen laws and rights are clearer if you are both married opposed to just co-habitting.

Do you understand now what marriage is?

after reading all your recent threads, I think, with absolutely no medical training at all so feel free to ignore completely, the GP is treating your symptoms rather than the cause.

@Trulyme - often the party side goes back to two families now being joined and so a celebration opportunity for everyone to meet. That has sort of died off now that couples get married older and are more likely to be paying for their own wedding, it’s less about a “family/community event” more just a party with their friends and some family. (But I guess that feeds into a wider discussion about family ties being less important than they were a couple of generations back, and I suppose families being smaller.)

If I'm having your children I want half your pension if you decide to fuck off one day.

@IncompleteSenten I take my hat off to you!

Either marriage or a civil partnership are important for financial and legal security especially if you jointly own a house and /or have children.

I spoke to the partner of a youngish man with terminal cancer recently. She mentioned how he won't discuss anything, he's very angry and she's having difficulty managing youngchildren and worrying about the future and that MiL might be difficult. I told her about a friend whose partner died very suddenly, they jointly owned the house, no children, no will. Her relatives demanded their financial share of the house meaning he had to double his mortgage to pay them, take in lodgers and an extra job. But what really hurt him was that he was very religious however he was allowed no input into the funeral or choice of words on the gravestone. I spelled it out to her. She needs to think of her young child and security for the future. Obviously it was a longer discussion and sensitive issues were raised, I can't go into it all. But she was very grateful for having some hard facts pointed out, that she clearly had been thinking about but was unable to articulate.

When you see newspaper stories of deathbed marriages they really aren't about romance.

One of my friends lived with her boyfriend for a good twenty years and when he died unexpectedly his father whisked the body away and cremated him before my friend knew what happened. The hospital wouldn't/couldn't tell her where the body was and before she knew what was happened it was over. Then the dad put one of those announcements in the local newspaper and she wasn't even in that.

So @Springisnear4 - are you going to explain your position/reasons for starting the thread?

It's nothing to do with the party op. It's everything to do with the legally binding piece of paper you both sign. The rest is just noise.

Really?

I had you down as still at school as your question is extremely naive

We eloped.
No party, no presents and it cost us less than £100.

We wanted to be married. It was important to us, especially as I was pregnant.

It was historically a way to avoid deep shame about having sex. Sex and children were only acceptable within a marriage.
Nowadays you have the freedom to do want you want. Marriage isn't always the best decision especially if the woman has more assets and income.

As a few people have said already, we got married for the legal side of it. DH's family is not very reliable, so he didn't want them to be next of kin should anything happen to him for example, and I wanted to make sure that I was financially protected if we were to split up and I took a hit on my career for children. We did have a party, but it wasn't big or expensive (we did it as we each had a parent who was terminally ill, so it was a nice thing to celebrate before the inevitable shit of them dying was going to hit).

@Springisnear4 are you ND?

Do you not understand relationships in general? Or legal protections?

We don't know when the end of our lives are going to be, though!

By all means make your own risk/benefit analysis, everyone should. But don't imagine for a minute that any of us are guaranteed either an average lifespan or sufficient warning about our impending demise to be able to put preferred arrangements in place.

Yes and prior to that it was really only the rich who married off their daughters to form alliances and consolidate power.

Arranged marriages were about securing and maintaining , for example, noble and royal families and wealth.

Exactly. Any one of us could be dead tomorrow - IMO it seems eminently sensible to put plans in place to protect our loved ones.

Of course that may not necessarily be via marriage, but it is worth thinking about.

I got my married so I’m protected legally.

Ive never been married never want to only have to read MN most days.
Im no ones property but my own what ive worked for is mine and im not gonna lose half of what ive worked hard for if my marriage falls apart.

What are Mumsnet witnesses??? I'm curious

We finally got married after nearly ten years as a couple in order to avoid having the person left have to pay inheritance tax.

Major, major plus. HTH.

You don’t have to understand it if you don’t want to.

I enjoyed my wedding, it was really romantic. I felt myself and my husband became a family overnight. I’m glad we share the same name now we have children too, it sort of seals our bond. But it’s not for everyone and that’s perfectly ok too 😊

Marriage is a set of legal protections, especially if the woman sacrificed a career in favour of child rearing. I did it for pension and inheritance reasons.

A wedding is entirely optional.

The wedding for many people is a big party but it doesn't have to be and marriage isn't the wedding. Marriage is a legal contract that offers protection that just living together doesn't.
Eg if two people are living together in a house that is in one partner's name and that partner dies the partner left gets nothing unless they are mentioned in the will. Even if they have contributed to the mortgage and household expenses for years. Same with savings and other possessions.

Im no ones property but my own

Marriage is no longer about being someone's property.

In many cases it offers legal protection for both parties and is particularly important if you have children.