I don't really understand getting married

[Springisnear4]

I don't really understand the point of it other than it being a party and you get presents. I know some people do it on a budget but generally you spend loads of money, is it about showing your love to the world? I don't know, I don't get it.

The approach to marriage should therefore be pretty binary if you are a woman. SAHM: absolutely essential. Working: don’t touch with a barge pole.

This is also a daft take.

For one thing, you're conflating working with being the breadwinner. They're not the same thing. Lots of women work and earn less than their male partners, sometimes because of the impact of pregnancy and childbearing given that we live in a society where maternity discrimination is common.

You're also leaving out all the other areas where marriage affects your legal and financial position. A couple where the woman works might need to consider inheritance tax, for example.

Solgrass you sound very patronising.

I'm 50 and I don't see the point of marriage. Been in a LTR nearly 20 years, got wills set up so we manage each others assets till they are passed to our kids. DP and I have our own homes, money and pensions.

You don't have to marry to have security for yourself and DC. There are other options nowadays.

We could go our separate ways today easily, but we don't, and that's the commitment. There's no need for a legal contract, necessarily.

You're talking about a wedding. A marriage is a legal agreement which protects the lower earner if they make sacrifices to have children.

So what you mean is that you don't understand the point of having a wedding, not marriage. The wedding is the party, the marriage is a legal contract that protects both parties and children. Having said that, I will only have one marriage. I don't see the point of doing it again (Im still married!) . I have my own home, I'm too old to have more children. I'm not going to hand their inheritance over to some other bloke and his family for nothing!

So you’re actively setting yourselves up to pay inheritance tax unnecessarily @JasmineTea11? That’s the one benefit marriage confers that you can’t replicate. Oh, and I wouldn’t be entitled a survivor’s pension if we weren’t married. Two very practical, unromantic reasons for it.

@JasmineTea11

Sorry was my comment any reflection on those that choose to have a LTR or choose to get marry? I think you’re projecting.

We only got married as I felt it would give me more legal protection and felt vulnerable after the birth of my daughter (32 years ago now!)

We didn’t bother with rings which surprises some people that I still don’t have a wedding ring but I’m not into jewellery or symbolism.

As everyone has said, it's both a legal and social contract. If you don't want the legal protection it gives you, that's fine. But then, don't be one of those unmarried people who complain that they are not allowed to inherit from a partner, or have rights to their partner's pension, or have rights in relation to children, or allowed to make decisions about a partner's health and social care etc. If you don't make the commitment, then you don't get the protection.

This.

The main thing is to make sure whatever you do, it's an informed decision.

I wanted DH to be my husband and wanted to be his wife. To be legally committed to him.

OP are you going to engage with those pointing out it’s a legal contract? Do you understand the rights and responsibilities marriage contracts involve?

if you do, can you not see that they would be important/useful for some people?

Marriage is an unfair contract which discriminates against those who own assets while protecting the interests of those who own none.

OP clearly on the wind up.

A lot of people have found to their cost the point of the marriage ceremony in the current legal framework.

I got married as it’s a legal contract. it makes everything easier in the event of one of our deaths. Protects me in the event of divorce.

Dh wanted to get married for tradition, commitment etc. I don’t need that. But I do need the legal benefits.

We married because DH was terminally ill, it meant I was more listened to as his wife than I was as his girlfriend. It also simplified things for me once he'd died.

1. Deeply in love
2. To show our commitment to one another
3. Knew we wanted to be together forever
4. Wanted to all have the same surname incl future kids
5. Being sensible about the future and having everything in order legally
6. Amongst a few of the reasons

We don’t have rings either. I’ve never worn a piece of jewellery anyway, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I find men wearing any, even a ring, gross 😂

you are confusing wedding with marriage.

You are aware that a marriage comes with certain legal protections (as well as obligations) and that there are for many very good reasons to have that in place?

Do you have children?

Are you a bit dense?

To be honest it's because for most people in British culture, nothing changes.

For me, everything changed. I was able to live with my husband, have sex etc. none of this I was able to do before we were married. I'm also religious so the sacrament of marriage is important to me.

Obvs OP is on the wind up but adding to the it’s a legal contract

you can of course replicate the protection of marriage with multiple other legal contracts - wills, trusts etc but really what’s the point? They’re all still legal contracts, you’ve just got multiple ones rather than a single one

And many of the other legal and financial arrangements, such as wills and insurance nominations, can be rescinded by one party without the consent or even the knowledge of the other party.

Won’t take you long to find a thread from someone who didn’t marry, then split, for whatever reason, and find themselves completely stuffed.