I don't really understand getting married

[Springisnear4]

I don't really understand the point of it other than it being a party and you get presents. I know some people do it on a budget but generally you spend loads of money, is it about showing your love to the world? I don't know, I don't get it.

We did it to make a commitment and legal contract and celebrated this with a reception/ party with the people who we love and are important to us.

For DH the religious ceremony was also important.

What you're describing is a wedding, HTH.

@40andlovelife I posted on here and asked if anyone was free to be a witness. One was local and the other travelled about an hour to do it. I was very honoured!

I’m divorced. I didn’t really understand what I signed myself up for. I happily went along with marriage because my ex said it was important to him. I had assets and ambitions, he didn’t.

I will never get married again and I certainly will be educating my children about what marriage really entails before they go down that route.

Marriage is very beneficial for the financially weaker party. I don’t think it’s romantic at all to get married, it’s a noose around your neck more than anything.

Of course, for women who give up their career to have babies marriage does protect them. Just haven’t go in to it with eyes wide open and I think pre-nups should become the norm.

It is not a party at all.
Marriage is a legal contract.
All former wills are nullified, for example.
Without marriage your long term partner is not necessarily your next of kin.
Marriage gives both partners certain rights.

Op, I'm wondering if.you actually want the answer. Not being arsey, you might not actually have the experience to know the answer. Or is this more about justifying your own choice or circumstance or sticking the boot in to others with some performative "I don't get it's"?

I'll give you my answer for what it's - I am exceptionally lucky and loved my DH deeply (and still do years later) and wanted "everything" possible to emotionally socially and practically to signify that love and our intention to share our lives. You can spend what you want on a wedding, that bit is secondary.

Speechless. I am literally speechless. Does anyone - in 2024 - seriously think marriage is only a piece of paper, and a big party?!

I despair for humanity! 😫

Ditto!

@Misthios · Today 10:37

Let me guess... OP is a woman who is living with a long term boyfriend, has a few kids with him, and he won't marry her. So she's trying to convince herself that it's all fine and dandy with her "just a piece of paper" argument.

I reckon you've nailed it there!

OP will deny it of course.

Me neither, after 20 years 😂

It comes up with sufficient regularity on here that there are either people who do or who like pretending they do!

Been with dp 20+ years. We have no assets to speak of except a shit car. We can't afford to splurge on a wedding, even a small one. We have other priorities.

For us and people like us (it's a common situation to be in in our circle) we don't see it as a lack of commitment, just that paying the bills is more important. Although in lower income families everyone works, because they can't afford not to. There tends not to be as big a discrepancy in terms of income between partners either.

other than it being a party and you get presents

I think you're getting confused OP. That's a wedding, not a marriage.

Financial benefits on death - less inheritance tax.

Legal benefits to the lower earner- they can’t just leave you with nothing. Especially comes in lot play with kids.

Other legal rights such as being the next of kin.

With respect, it's a ridiculous argument for not getting married and the protections that can bring, particularly for women. Registry office weddings with minimal guests can be incredibly cheap, especially if conducted on a weekday.

I think you are confusing weddings and marriage, OP.

Been with dp 20+ years. We have no assets to speak of except a shit car. We can't afford to splurge on a wedding, even a small one. We have other priorities.

You can get married for a couple of hundred pounds.

Fair enough if it's not a priority, but it's certainly not something you need to "splurge" on.

It's bizarre isn't it? AND worrying! That some people really think like this!!!

As a pp said, I wonder if the poster is confusing MARRIAGE with WEDDINGS?!

I'm not trying to justify my not getting married, I'm just saying that when as a couple we earn the same, and have nothing much between us, then the arguments to marry don't apply.

I know lots of people who are in similar positions too.

A couple of hundred quid is a lot of money for a lot of people.

Exactly @TheWonderhorse The cost is no excuse. Is it you or your partner who doesn't want to get married? I am guessing it's him!

From a finance perspective, its quite a hugh risk especially if one earns more than the other etc, and then if one side turns out to be unfaithful etc

He did want to, I did not. Neither of us see the need now.

Why do you assume he doesn't want to marry me?

I totally get that, but that doesn't mean it's "splurging" to spend £200 on a legal contract that will potentially protect you for life, which is how you phrased it.

Marriage is public statement of commitment with significant legal implications.

It does not have to be a show.