Page 22 | AIBU to offer friend big chunk of money?

Rikitiki78 · 12/05/2024 04:00

You may have more than you need at the present time but you never know what’s coming in the future, plus you have children to think of. Why not gift her with a smaller amount?

HappyDaysKeepSmiling · 21/05/2024 12:36

Marven · 20/04/2024 20:34

Difficult one... I've just come into some money. I already own my house, have two kids and a bit of savings. Mine and my partners families are reasonably well off, and so I know the kids will also be thought of by their grandparents.
This lump of money will give me some to upgrade the house and some to put away for the future.

I'm thinking of giving like £50-80k to my friend... How do I handle that and would you be offended if your friend tried to give you money?

My friend - we used to be close at uni, but live far apart now and life and family get in the way, but still keep in touch and see each other every few years. Last time I saw her she'd had to move rented accomodation again and was saying how shs didn't know if she'd ever be able to buy. Her family is not well off and they'd promised her some money for a deposit, but had then gone and given it all to her brother with nothing left for her! She works hard, travels a fair bit, but she just hasn't had the really fortunate start that I have in life.

If I gave her the money, I would have no expectation about what she did with it, although her talking about buying a house was what sparked this idea for me. I honestly wouldn't care. She's had a tough life and she deserves whatever she wants and however she wants to live her life. I just think that this £50-80k would make a much bigger difference to her life than to mine.

We don't live in the same area - she's up north so I'm hoping that money could be a useful deposit?

How would you broach it, or would you just be totally offended by it?

Marven
You are such a kind and thoughtful person to want to do something like this for a friend. You have a Huge Big Heart.

Scrunshine · 21/05/2024 16:04

Upsidedownagain · 24/04/2024 07:32

£50 - 80,000 is not life changing long term. It might work as deposit / part payment towards a house, yes, but there would still be a mortgage (payments vary as we know according to interest rates), house repairs and improvements etc, that she might not be able to afford.

I'd wonder why her parents gave her brother money for a house but not her. Are they toxic or was there a good reason? Does OP know them or just know what her friend has told her.

Travelling doesn't have to be mega expensive but not travelling is definitely a good way to save money if one is wanting to buy a house. If we never took holidays, our joint income would far exceed our outgoings other than when we need building work, but because we like to have a couple of holidays a year, it doesn't.

Has she actually said she wishes she had her own place? Or is this OP's view of what her friend desires.

Consider if she spent it in a way you disapprove of and later a divorce, re-marriage, sudden accident or long term care meant inheritances or income dwindled or disappeared.

It was life changing to me. I was able to buy a house (didn’t have enough for the deposit) and have another child. My daughter exists because of the gift.

Picklelily99 · 23/03/2025 02:56

Marven · 20/04/2024 20:34

Difficult one... I've just come into some money. I already own my house, have two kids and a bit of savings. Mine and my partners families are reasonably well off, and so I know the kids will also be thought of by their grandparents.
This lump of money will give me some to upgrade the house and some to put away for the future.

I'm thinking of giving like £50-80k to my friend... How do I handle that and would you be offended if your friend tried to give you money?

My friend - we used to be close at uni, but live far apart now and life and family get in the way, but still keep in touch and see each other every few years. Last time I saw her she'd had to move rented accomodation again and was saying how shs didn't know if she'd ever be able to buy. Her family is not well off and they'd promised her some money for a deposit, but had then gone and given it all to her brother with nothing left for her! She works hard, travels a fair bit, but she just hasn't had the really fortunate start that I have in life.

If I gave her the money, I would have no expectation about what she did with it, although her talking about buying a house was what sparked this idea for me. I honestly wouldn't care. She's had a tough life and she deserves whatever she wants and however she wants to live her life. I just think that this £50-80k would make a much bigger difference to her life than to mine.

We don't live in the same area - she's up north so I'm hoping that money could be a useful deposit?

How would you broach it, or would you just be totally offended by it?

You give your friend the money. She goes on holiday. Meets a lovely, younger 'gentleman'. Wants to marry her. Ah, but he has a 'sister' who needs expensive medical treatment. She gives him all the money. She's been scammed, money gone. How'd you feel now? You SAY there'd be no strings attached, it'd be entirely up to her how she spent the money ... but would it really?

anythinginapinch · 23/03/2025 02:58

I have a friend that amount to build an extension. We’re still friends.