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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister in law took our baby girl name

175 replies

hannahb93x · 20/04/2024 09:40

So a bit of background, I had my son back in October 2018 and the February after we found out that my sister in law was pregnant.
Whilst we were pregnant with our son we had decided on a girl and boy name.
Our girl name was Harper, we loved it and didn’t like anything else.
Anyway we found out we were having a boy so that took the focus off the girl name and we named him Jack.
Fast forward to March/April 2019 and my sister in law tells us that they’ve decided on names.
you guessed it, her girl name was Harper.
We basically said but that’s our girl name if we have one and it was a case of oh well my partner likes it.
Anyway nothing more was said and she had the baby in October and named her Harper.
At this point I didn’t mind so much, it was only went I fell pregnant with my little girl back in 2022 that all the feelings started coming up.
We ended up naming our little girl 2 weeks before she was born, but I don’t LOVE her name, she should have always been called Harper.
It’s hard because I just think to myself, of all the names in the world and you chose that one.
I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life. Not sure I’ll ever get past it :-(

OP posts:
Ridiculous24 · 20/04/2024 09:41

Did she know?

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 20/04/2024 09:41

Just call her harper. We’ve got two daniels in the family and it was ok.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 20/04/2024 09:41

It's a name
You don't own a name

Be careful your resentment over her name doesn't lead to resentment towards your daughter herself

DillyDilly · 20/04/2024 09:42

Get over it. Of all the names in the world, I’m sure you could have come up with a nicer or just as nice name. Or create your own name.

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 20/04/2024 09:42

So just use Harper...

Jessforless · 20/04/2024 09:43

I also would have just used Harper. The cousins would probably love to share the name.

DillyDilly · 20/04/2024 09:44

If you loved the name so much, you could have called your boy, Harper.

2chocolateoranges · 20/04/2024 09:44

Unfortunately she had a girl first.

my friend , even before we were all married and planning babies, said that her baby girls name was Eilidh and that none of us can use it, none of us did and it turned out she didn’t have any babies!

YesIminbedsowhat · 20/04/2024 09:44

I wouldn't harp on about it...

Whateveer · 20/04/2024 09:45

You can't own a name before you're even pregnant. But even so, just name her Harper so what if there's 2. In later life they will prob bump into each other at weddings, who will care?

PenCreed · 20/04/2024 09:45

So your SIL had picked a name before knowing you liked it, for a girl born well before you were even expecting a girl? YABU.

skipit8103 · 20/04/2024 09:45

i wonder if Victoria Beckham is also pissed off with your SIL

DeeBeeCee · 20/04/2024 09:45

Is it really about the name or are there other tensions in the relationship? TBH it is crazy to spend the rest of your life fixating over a name. Enjoy your DD with her current name and try and concentrate on her and not the name you wish you had given her.

TBH many would think you were a saddo for copying the Beckham girls name.

MonsteraMama · 20/04/2024 09:45

You should have just called her Harper. I have the same name as two of my cousins and it hasn't been an issue at all in my life.

Testina · 20/04/2024 09:45

Imagine how Victoria Beckham feels 🤷🏻‍♀️

stormywhethers321 · 20/04/2024 09:46

Did you really expect this woman, who was pregnant with a girl and who had chosen the name, to change it just in case you had a daughter in the future?

Let's say the situation had been reversed. You were pregnant with a girl. She was not pregnant at all. You told her you picked Harper and she then told you that name was for her hypothetical future daughter. Would you have changed it?

First person pregnant with a baby of the relevant sex gets the name. Subsequent babies can have the same name or something else.

Shopper727 · 20/04/2024 09:46

A name doesn’t belong to anyone, it’s just a name. I don’t like Harper for any child especially a girl it’s not very nice. Did you tell sil the same prior to her choosing it? I don’t know if you’re that bothered call her Harper anyway but there are so many lovely names out there she had the name first so let it go.

SevenSeasOfRhye · 20/04/2024 09:46

I never understand the reluctance you see on here to use a name because it's already been used for the baby's cousin/a friend's baby/any other baby that will not be living in the same household.

A name is for life, not just for babyhood. Will this matter in ten years, twenty years? Will it matter when your daughter is 50? Of course not. Give her the name you love.

OhHelloMiss · 20/04/2024 09:47

Oh grow up OP! fgs this place!!

KateDelRick · 20/04/2024 09:47

Call her Harper if you want to. It's not copyrighted.
Although I think it's a name that will date quickly, but that's a whole other issue.

yarnwitch · 20/04/2024 09:47

You could have just used Harper, it doesn't matter.
Unless I've read it wrong you weren't even expecting at the time, you might not have ever even had a girl.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 20/04/2024 09:48

She liked the name so she used it. There was no definite that you were going to have another baby and it would be a girl.

There are plenty of family's where two people have the same name and Harper isn't the most unusual name anymore.

Metrictum · 20/04/2024 09:48

I get why you felt a bit pissed off initially although in theory she didn’t do anything wrong as you can’t bagsie names.

You still had the choice to name your DD Harper although I can understand why you didn’t if you see that side of the family a lot.

The fact you are STILL so caught up in this and grieving for a name is a bit problematic and you do need to work to get past this. In the grand scheme of life it’s so minor and your fixation on it and resentment and sadness isn’t normal or appropriate.

Celebrate your DD and the fact both families have lovely healthy children and put it to rest.

GalileoHumpkins · 20/04/2024 09:48

I'll never understand why people go around naming hypothetical babies, you might never have had a girl. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life not getting over it?

Starbugg · 20/04/2024 09:49

You should have just named her Harper. You’re free to use that name as much as she was.

I have a big extended family. Two other cousins have my name. Another cousin just said she plans to name her baby with the same name. It’s not an issue at all!