Sister in law took our baby girl name

[hannahb93x]

So a bit of background, I had my son back in October 2018 and the February after we found out that my sister in law was pregnant.
Whilst we were pregnant with our son we had decided on a girl and boy name.
Our girl name was Harper, we loved it and didn’t like anything else.
Anyway we found out we were having a boy so that took the focus off the girl name and we named him Jack.
Fast forward to March/April 2019 and my sister in law tells us that they’ve decided on names.
you guessed it, her girl name was Harper.
We basically said but that’s our girl name if we have one and it was a case of oh well my partner likes it.
Anyway nothing more was said and she had the baby in October and named her Harper.
At this point I didn’t mind so much, it was only went I fell pregnant with my little girl back in 2022 that all the feelings started coming up.
We ended up naming our little girl 2 weeks before she was born, but I don’t LOVE her name, she should have always been called Harper.
It’s hard because I just think to myself, of all the names in the world and you chose that one.
I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life. Not sure I’ll ever get past it :-(

No one owns a name. You are being very silly.

Harper is a boys name too. Why didn't you name your son that?

Regardless of that if you LOVE Harper for a girl and it's that's important to you, it makes no diference if two children in the same family have the save name, so name your daughter it too.
The worst that can happen is you either remain annoyed with SIL, or SIL is possibly a bit annoyed with you. You will both have children with the names you wanted to give them and they may well decide to be known by entirely unrelated in nicknames in a few years anyway..

I have two cousins named Andrew. It's was never an issue. As adults, one is now an Andy, and the other a Drew.

Another cousin has my first name as her middle name. My mum and hers are sisters, and very close. My middle name is the same as Aunties first name. I came along first, and when auntie had her first child 9 months later, she wanted to honour my mum in a similar way. She'd liked the name I'd be given, so used it for her DDs middle name, as a way of sharing something with her much-loved older sister.

When I'm in trouble, I often get called first name-middle name-aunties middle name! Think, (nc) Amy-Jane-Susan! Despite the fact that Susan has never been anywhere in my name!

Christ not this again 🙄

I’m in a minority here but I would be pissed off if someone used my chosen baby name and I wouldn’t give my child the same name anyway.

My name was very popular around the time I was born and hate that my parents were so unoriginal. Think multiples of us in every class, every club etc.

I don’t see an issue of the same name personally - the same names in families are not an issue. Your outlook that someone took “your” name is the issue. Kindly, get over it, if this is causing you a lot of stress and angst you need to prioritize letting it go. It assumes me in family situations when I call my brother’s name and his son, (my nephew) my uncle, my grandpa, all look up 😂😂. It needn’t be so hard to cope with. Listen to Elsa and “let it goooooo”.

See I don’t get this. My Grandad, his sister and his brother all used the same name for their sons - named for their dad.

My grandad’s other sister had 5 daughters. 3 of them had sons and again used another same name - named after their dad.

We don’t think it’s weird. It’s John James, John Michael, John surname etc.

No one was upset or annoyed, or thought it was strange. Use the name x

I had a similar thing with my sis in law. I already had children and I said if my next baby was a girl I really loved a certain name as it had a personal story behind it. I did fall pregnant with another dd and my sis in law became really upset as she said she wanted that name for her future dd if she had one. As it was the name we wanted became really popular so we chose another one. My sis in law went onto have two DDs and she never used the name either. BUT I'd already settled in myself that my relationship with my sis in law was really important. At the end of the day it was a name and I wouldn't have fallen out with her if she had chosen it when her first dd was born a year after my dd. I love my sis in law more than any name and we are still close friends nearly 18 years on. Don't let this ruin a family relationship and enjoy your little girl xx

The number of people saying you should have called her Harper anyway is baffling to me. Two first cousins with the same name is weird.

I that’s that’s different though, it’s a family name so there’s a reason they share a name, it’s a nice reason. But to all have the same name that’s just randomly selected would be pretty strange to me.

You’re not sure you will ever get past it?! Dear God. Use the name. Or don’t. But defo grow up a bit.

😂.

Are you normally quite hard work, OP?

I don’t think it’s fair - OP is getting a hard time here!!

I think it was spiteful of her sister in law to use a name (that’s not a family name) that she has her heart set on.

Mumsnet has become a tough place these days. I don’t think op literally means she can never get over it, I think she means she can never see her sister in law in the same way. Being a new mum is draining hard and emotional. I’m out the other end as mine are upper end of primary.

head up op 💐

Why didn't you just use Harper as well?

So you have lived with a little girl in your immediate family named Harper for getting on for five years , but now feel that you will never get over it.

And breathe. Move on.

It doesn't really matter if she did or didn't

There's more drama this way

Oh yes I'd forgotten her!

Because you really love To Kill A Mockingbird, I presume.

When Whiner Dickens and Nagger Tolkein write their magnum opuses you're going to feel very silly...

You'll be glad when all the chavs start calling their DDs Harper, which is inevitable.

If it's now too late to call your DD Harper then you're going to have to move on and put this in the past.
I would suggest calling a pet or doll or cuddly toy Harper. That way you get to use the name AND piss off your SIL - win-win! And your niece will see it as a compliment.

My husbands friend took our baby name. They had a name chosen for their baby and we were telling them if we had another boy we would name it after my partners uncle. I was gutted when they told us they decided to use the name we had chosen.

People saying you don’t ‘own’ a name…Course you don’t but if you’ve told her you want Harper for a girl and then she’s used that name then I do think it’s out of order. She could easily choose a different name. If you DIDNT tell her, then just back luck.
I wouldn’t want to use the same name as another child in the family and I wouldn’t want some else to copy a name I’d used. There’s just no need for it imo. Be a bit different

They are not even family why on earth would that have been a problem.if you had both used the same name?