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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister in law took our baby girl name

175 replies

hannahb93x · 20/04/2024 09:40

So a bit of background, I had my son back in October 2018 and the February after we found out that my sister in law was pregnant.
Whilst we were pregnant with our son we had decided on a girl and boy name.
Our girl name was Harper, we loved it and didn’t like anything else.
Anyway we found out we were having a boy so that took the focus off the girl name and we named him Jack.
Fast forward to March/April 2019 and my sister in law tells us that they’ve decided on names.
you guessed it, her girl name was Harper.
We basically said but that’s our girl name if we have one and it was a case of oh well my partner likes it.
Anyway nothing more was said and she had the baby in October and named her Harper.
At this point I didn’t mind so much, it was only went I fell pregnant with my little girl back in 2022 that all the feelings started coming up.
We ended up naming our little girl 2 weeks before she was born, but I don’t LOVE her name, she should have always been called Harper.
It’s hard because I just think to myself, of all the names in the world and you chose that one.
I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life. Not sure I’ll ever get past it :-(

OP posts:
Whateveer · 20/04/2024 09:53

This post has just made me realise that the exact same thing happened when I was having my DD. A boys name I had was Joshua, my SIL had a boy 2 years later and called him Josh. I didnt even bat an eyelid. If I'd have gone on to have a boy after this and still wanted to name him Joshua I would have. However I didn't have a boy.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 20/04/2024 09:53

TBH OP, you could have still used the name - your SIL didn’t own the name anymore than you did. If she’d known it was your favourite name before she told you she was planning to use it, then I get why you’d be a bit miffed temporarily, but if not, then you had no room to grumble. No-one gets to put dibs on a name, and why should your SIL have avoided it ‘just in case’ you had a daughter in the future?

i think you really need to get over it though. Not sure how old your DD is now, but her name is her name. If you don’t let it go, you’re at risk of projecting your feelings onto both your niece and daughter and that’s not fair or healthy.

KateDelRick · 20/04/2024 09:54

I strongly suspect that when she goes to primary school, there will be lots of Harpers!

cadygal257 · 20/04/2024 09:54

She didn't take the name. She obviously loved too. If you had a girl first she may have felt you stole her name!

Children grow into their names, in a few months you won't be able to imagine her as anything else.

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 20/04/2024 09:56

There are 3, yes three Findlays in my family. Nobody cares.

maudelovesharold · 20/04/2024 09:57

I can understand you feeling you weren’t able to use it. I can just imagine the wider family ‘discussing’ it behind your back, if you had! Harper isn’t a name to get stressed about not being able to use, though. Your dd will probably be thankful that she wasn’t landed with a ‘trendy’ name. I don’t think it’ll age well. (No offence to any ‘Harper’ parents, Just a random opinion!) Also she might have ended up with the nn Harpy or Harps….

BingoMarieHeeler · 20/04/2024 09:57

I’m in 2 minds with this as half of me agrees with the ‘just use Harper’ argument. No one owns a name and it would be really hard to let go of your top name.

But also, the main point of a name is to identify someone, know who someone is referring to. So 2 cousins with the same name somewhat defeats the point. You’d have to add in an extra differentiator.

notmoredirtywashing · 20/04/2024 09:59

YesIminbedsowhat · 20/04/2024 09:44

I wouldn't harp on about it...

😂😂

Cm19841 · 20/04/2024 09:59

This is an example of when it is good to keep certain things, like names, to yourself. Over shared and it's too late. It's a shame.

socks1107 · 20/04/2024 09:59

We've two of several names in our family across cousins. No big deal tbh. They are known as big x or little x depending on who was born first

Everythinggreen · 20/04/2024 10:00

This is why I always tell people not to tell anyone names they have picked out until you've had the baby and named them, if a name means so much to you.

A friend of mine told me of the name she wanted for her first baby girl. It was unusual so I advised her not to reveal it, particularly to an acquaintance of ours who was also pregnant and due a couple of months before her, as I just knew what would happen.

Luckily she took my advice as when she had her baby and announced her name, the acquaintance said "oh what a lovely name, I wish I had thought of that name" and has occasionally brought it up that she wished she had thought of that name first as it really would have suited her daughter.

When my friend was pregnant again, the acquaintance would pester her for any names she had picked out and she just politely said they had decided to wait until baby was born this time and then see what name they thought would suit.

I know people don't own names, but you can't deny it's irritating when someone takes a name you have your heart set on, when it's a name they probably wouldn't have even thought of beforehand.

Rockthecasbah1 · 20/04/2024 10:00

I named mine Harper, just use it. She doesn't own the name

Umbongowasyuk · 20/04/2024 10:01

It sounds too much like a toilet cleaner.

MissRosePhallus · 20/04/2024 10:02

Harper is one of those names that has become fashionable/popular and in a couple of years there will be 5 in each class.

If you wanted to use it you should have. You can't really lay claim to a popular name.

MFF2010 · 20/04/2024 10:03

There was no reason you couldn't have called your daughter Harper, families are full of people with the same name 🤣 I share my name with 2 aunts, there are about a million Christophers in my family too. You chose not to call her Harper and that was your choice, your SIL did nothing wrong, she can call her daughter what she likes as can you.

pictoosh · 20/04/2024 10:04

Think of it as a fortunate intervention because Harper is a current trendy name that will date.

WinterMorn · 20/04/2024 10:05

OhHelloMiss · 20/04/2024 09:47

Oh grow up OP! fgs this place!!

I know. It’s embarrassing isn’t it?

MissUltraViolet · 20/04/2024 10:06

She didn't stop you naming your daughter Harper, you decided not to.

Bet whatever you have named her is much nicer anyway, time to move on.

Doseofreality · 20/04/2024 10:07

You could have chosen “Harper Two” if you’d really wanted to.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 20/04/2024 10:07

How do you copyright a name? Thanks in advance

Holstomorrow · 20/04/2024 10:08

You don’t own the name Harper and it is possible your sil loves it just as much as you do, so she has just as much right to choose it as you do. I couldn’t get upset about it honestly, I don’t like the name very much - it’s not classy, sounds harsh and reminds me of negative words (harpie/harping on etc).

pinkyredrose · 20/04/2024 10:10

If you wanted to call her Harper you should have called her Harper.

Your SiL has done nothing wrong.

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/04/2024 10:11

No one has intellectual property rights over a baby name. This is just one of those things and as kindly as possible you just need to move on.

ThePoshUns · 20/04/2024 10:11

Don't be so ridiculous

DrJoanAllenby · 20/04/2024 10:12

No one has stolen a name and you don't have the sole rights to any name.

Utterly ridiculous to feel aggrieved and you take the gold medal in pettiness.