Sister in law took our baby girl name

[hannahb93x]

So a bit of background, I had my son back in October 2018 and the February after we found out that my sister in law was pregnant.
Whilst we were pregnant with our son we had decided on a girl and boy name.
Our girl name was Harper, we loved it and didn’t like anything else.
Anyway we found out we were having a boy so that took the focus off the girl name and we named him Jack.
Fast forward to March/April 2019 and my sister in law tells us that they’ve decided on names.
you guessed it, her girl name was Harper.
We basically said but that’s our girl name if we have one and it was a case of oh well my partner likes it.
Anyway nothing more was said and she had the baby in October and named her Harper.
At this point I didn’t mind so much, it was only went I fell pregnant with my little girl back in 2022 that all the feelings started coming up.
We ended up naming our little girl 2 weeks before she was born, but I don’t LOVE her name, she should have always been called Harper.
It’s hard because I just think to myself, of all the names in the world and you chose that one.
I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life. Not sure I’ll ever get past it :-(

If she'd been pregnant with a girl, had told people the name and then sister got on first and used it, maybe. But it was a girl's name she likes when she was pregnant with a boy. It wasn't her baby's name. She might have had six boys and never used it.

And if the sil could pick another name of all the names out there, so could op

My husband isn’t British born so isn’t a common name. The uncles name was special to us, it was unique and wasn’t a name I had heard used here. Honestly them using it took the shine away for me.

You don't own the rights to that name. Sorry op but you need to get over it. If you liked it that much you should've named your DD Harper too

You don't "own" names. I have 3 cousins all with the same first name and surname (middle names differ). Nobody minds.

Do you dislike the name you ended up using for your daughter, or are you upset that you didn't use Harper as you'd planned for so long? It seems like it has always been a possibility you'd need more than one girl name - if both of your children had been girls, or if you'd been pregnant with twins the second time - so you'd eventually have had to find another girl name in addition to Harper that you and your partner both loved.

It sounds like your daughter's already at least a year old, at which point it becomes considerably more of a hassle to change her name as you' have to do it by deed poll rather than amending her birth certificate. But if you really dislike the name and don't think you'll come to like it through association with your baby, changing is possible (to Harper if you really must, or perhaps to a third name) - or you might feel better with a diminutive or nickname, or maybe her middle name as an everyday "known as"?

I also think you need to let go of any resentment of your SIL and her partner - yes, it would have been ideal if they'd been sensitive to your having chosen the name and continued looking, but it also sounds like you didn't press the issue and they might have thought it was fine with everyone if you both used Harper. (FWIW, I think you're getting a hard time over "Harper"; I'd mainly associate it with Harper Lee, who was born in 1925 - so it's been around as a girls' name for a while.)

She did not steal your baby's name.

She chose a name that she liked, and then used it.

4 years ? later you then have a daughter.

Nobody owns a name, OP.

You weren't even pregnant when they decided to call their daughter Harper.

I don't like it personally, sounds like Harpy.

Well your dd had a lucky escape there!

You said when they named their daughter that you brought up that they’d used your girl name but it’s not clear if you’d previously told them. If you told them the name then it was silly. Best to keep names to yourself.

Either way you don’t own a name.

Harper is a chavvy name

So many threads like this. You honestly should have used the name you loved, OP. Especially if you're still annoyed after all this time. My partner has a huge family and, while the boy cousins all seem to have individual names, loads of the girls share names. I know three of them were named after their grandmother. There are two other well used names that must have family significance too. They hardly ever see each other. Nobody cares.

You don't own a name. You didn't have a girl when she did. You might not have had a girl. You can't reserve the name!

You're not the first to discover this name. There are there Harpers in my child's reception year!

You chose an extremely popular name which is currently very much on trend and then tried to reserve it for yourself.

Plus you can absolutely still use it. So many families have more than one Thomas, William, James, Katie etc.

If you want a name no one else has in your family or in the local area maybe consider adding numbers and symbols after like with unique passwords Harp3r!*456.

She had her girl first. So 🤷‍♀️

You could have used it too. But you didn't.

Find some perspective and move on.

Call her Lee and demonstrate your literary knowledge maybe?

Poor Ajax, his mother never thought of that, did she?

Yes! I always think of Harpic! Tbh Op, there are lots of ‘Mary Brown’s’ eg in my family….no-one cares! It goes way back to being named after grandmothers and people having large families and lots of aunts/cousins. None of it matters….

@MirandaBlu , Harper wasn't Harper Lee's first name.

Get a grip, OP.

Agree. It's a popular name but describes someone who is harping on about something. I wouldn't want a name that describes an action, particularly a negative one. It also sounds both sharp and a bit cutesy.

Sorry op, names are subjective so my opinion shouldn't matter, but feel like a descriptive name is a bit different.

much fuzz about a non issue. you don't own the name and if you like it just name her Harper. You are making an absolute mountain of a molehill I think.

😂

This is why you put a number after it !!! Like Harper 7 !!

Call her Harper 2 ( like 'Harper too' :D)

Why is it your SIL who has chosen the name and not BIL?

I've known cousins with the same name it isn't a problem.

In fact I heard of a blended family with two 'Mark's. They ended up being 'Mark1' and 'Mark2'

As for the toilet cleaner names, I used to know a Lenore, she was about 2 or 3 when the product came out.

DD (26) was on about her name the other week. It wasn't that common when I picked it, and then there was a boom in the name just after. She said she doesn't like it. I then said the other 2 names I considered, and she didn't like those either ... There's no pleasing some people 😄

Anyways your Dd may grow up to love her name and think Harper is a crap one.

‘Not sure I’ll ever get past it’

come on OP that’s dramatic to say the least, you have healthy children and a healthy niece.
A quick glance at the infertility forum might give you some perspective.