Sister in law took our baby girl name

[hannahb93x]

So a bit of background, I had my son back in October 2018 and the February after we found out that my sister in law was pregnant.
Whilst we were pregnant with our son we had decided on a girl and boy name.
Our girl name was Harper, we loved it and didn’t like anything else.
Anyway we found out we were having a boy so that took the focus off the girl name and we named him Jack.
Fast forward to March/April 2019 and my sister in law tells us that they’ve decided on names.
you guessed it, her girl name was Harper.
We basically said but that’s our girl name if we have one and it was a case of oh well my partner likes it.
Anyway nothing more was said and she had the baby in October and named her Harper.
At this point I didn’t mind so much, it was only went I fell pregnant with my little girl back in 2022 that all the feelings started coming up.
We ended up naming our little girl 2 weeks before she was born, but I don’t LOVE her name, she should have always been called Harper.
It’s hard because I just think to myself, of all the names in the world and you chose that one.
I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life. Not sure I’ll ever get past it :-(

Did SIL know that Harper was your girl name ? If not then yabu and just unlucky. Harper is pretty popular thanks to the Beckhams.

Regardless of whether or not she knew, I would have personally used the name. She might have ended up “Little Harper” or something but 🤷‍♀️

Harpser, Harperer Than, The Harpest.

Endless possibilities!

Fretting over a two year olds name is not healthy.

So you wanted her not to use a name on the off chance you'd have a girl one day?

Give over 😂

I think you’ve been lucky, Harper is a very chavvy name!

I don't understand the love for Harper. It's like calling a darling baby girl Nagger or Whiner etc

I may be in the minority here but I think it's weird on her behalf tbh
You obviously inspired the name by putting it in her head. She would have known that you'd probably use it in the future if you ever had a girl. Yet she used it anyway. It's not as if it's a very common name . I'd imagine she may be competitive or slightly jealous of you in some way. It's a life lesson not to tell anyone a name until your baby is here and you've chosen a name!

Exactly. I had never heard of Harper for a girl ( or even as a name) begire the Beckhans chose it. So both of you have stolen VB's name. It's not even that nice. What should she have done, not used a name onnthe off chance you had a daughter? What if your next child had been a boy too?

You shouldn't have mentioned names

There's so much childish angst over names on here. What exactly is the reason you can't have 2 cousins with the same name? Like literally why? I named my daughter almost exactly the same name as her cousin of the same age and no one was upset or angry or resentful. People comment that it's nice that they are close in age and name.

While I personally wouldn't use the same name as a sibling, I also wouldn't moan if they accidentally used a name I loved. None of my DC were named before they were born, although we did have a top 3 for girls and boys. None of the top names from DS1 were on DS2 shortlist either.

DS2 actually has my stepsisters favourite boys name, but I didn't know that at the time. And if I had, and had chosen not to use it, it wouldn't have been used as she doesn't have a son.
My brother used one of my favourite girls names. I'm glad he did because I Don't have a DD, so at least this way it's been used.

Have you never heard of Harper Lee who wrote To Kill A Mockingbird? that surprises me.

The name ‘Harper’ doesn’t sound like a real name now after reading it on this thread so many times. It isn’t my fave, anyway. But who cares if your kid has the same name as her cousin?

If she knew you'd planned that name for a girl, it's a bit shit but there's nothing whatsoever you can do about her using the name.

If she didn't know then there is still nothing you can do about it but it's less shit.

At the end of the day, there's no such thing as a unique name (unless you literally make one up). People will name their child the same name as yours, it is what it is.

Your daughter has a name. You could have also used Harper but chose not to.

Wasn’t it after Harper Lee, author of To Kill a Mockingbird?

You’re being ridiculous.

The OP doesn't say whether the SIL knew they liked the name. Her version of events could well be that she picked a name and then OP announced that was her girl name.

It's not 'your name'.
She didn't 'take it'.
Anyone can give their child whatever name they like - perhaps it is a lesson to us all to not discuss names before birth, other than with very close family we trust.
As it is there are loads of children called Harper, male and female, but I have never really understood the attraction to it tbh.

The time to worry about this was two years ago.

Did you mention you liked that name to her? If you did you shouldn’t have as you put the idea in her head. Nobody owns a name. A bit annoying of her but if you really like a name keep it secret!

If it’s a coincidence then that’s unfortunate. I would have still used the name.

So just call her Harper as well, what's the big deal?

I think I am a kind person in general but I really think she did you a favour. Harper is not very nice. I agree that she was spiteful to do this though. I wouldn’t like her for it being honest.

Be careful your resentment doesn't spill over onto your DD.

We have a family name in my extended family going back several generation ,s my cousin was amused to find out that he will forever be young " John" to my mum and our uncle is our " John" my cousin is in his mid 50,s with grown up children and grand children of his own 🤣

She didn't take your name though because names don't belong to people. She chose a name for her DD that you also liked. I'd draw a line under it and move on or it could sour family relations.

Your baby must be at least a year old so you really need to get over it. What did you name your daughter?