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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How often are you complimented on your looks

246 replies

Gerbil12 · 19/04/2024 21:27

In particular by people you've just met. Have been out with a very attractive friend tonight who has had men fawning over her/complimenting her whilst I was just ignored as usual. I'm probably a 5 but I don't think my physical appearance has ever been complimented by a stranger. Feeling a bit crap. Does this happen to other people?

OP posts:
Zooeyzo · 20/04/2024 10:38

Frequently but mostly by other women now I'm 45. Before that it was men. I really appreciate the comments from other women because they're much more genuine.
But I'm embarrassed very easily so often just go red.

GoodlifeGlow · 20/04/2024 10:40

Never until last week when I was out in London (no child or husband in tow) off to meet a friend and a man walked past me and said “hey beautiful” I spun round to see who he was talking to and it was me! I’m 40 and it hasn’t happened in a long time but it gave me a boost and has made me think I should compliment friends more. Although most of my friends are the down to earth types who don’t give a fig for fashion whereas I do like clothes and a nice handbag!

Zooeyzo · 20/04/2024 10:41

bradpittsbathwater · 20/04/2024 10:24

I would honestly never compliment a stranger in the the street on their appearance. So weird.

An older woman once stopped me to compliment my outfit and overall style and I still remember that as my favourite random person encounter.

MetaDaughter · 20/04/2024 10:49

These days people are more eager to compliment me on my outfit or a particular item of clothing - even when I’ve left the house feeling miserable or bedraggled, or arrive somewhere hot and sweaty and exhausted. Hmm Careful shopping, careless dressing. Grin

But strangely I like my face in the mirror more than I ever did before. I’m looking more and more like my ancestors, and that really pleases me.

TeabySea · 20/04/2024 10:50

Gerbil12 · 19/04/2024 21:27

In particular by people you've just met. Have been out with a very attractive friend tonight who has had men fawning over her/complimenting her whilst I was just ignored as usual. I'm probably a 5 but I don't think my physical appearance has ever been complimented by a stranger. Feeling a bit crap. Does this happen to other people?

Never. I'm not attractive.

MexicanFeast · 20/04/2024 10:50

@Gerbil12 I don’t think whether you get compliments/chatted up by men is actually any reflection on your appearance- it’s about their assumptions mostly, and a little bit about the vibe they get from you as a person.

My wife for example has been enormously fat her whole life, and not in a Tess Holliday glamorous way- she has been followed home, cat called and endlessly hit on by men in bars because they presume all fat women are desperate and grateful.

A good friend of mine is hit on EVERY time we go out, or by staff in shops or blokes at work- she isn’t out of the way attractive but she is friendly, always smiles and comes across as someone who is always trying to make everyone happy and keep the atmosphere positive… basically she is acting out trauma- trying to please men so they don’t hurt her and they bloody love it. Its gross.

bananaboats · 20/04/2024 10:51

When I was younger a lot more frequently by strangers but i do still get regular compliments although ive never really given it too much thought too be honest- a colleague told me I looked beautiful the other day (very nice, older married lady so def no ulterior motives!) I'm 35 & overweight not sure id say i was any more attractive than anyone else but always had a good smile & eyes which people (men & women!) Do comment on a lot

AnneElliott · 20/04/2024 11:05

I don't get complimented as such but often get told that I look much younger than I am. Normally when with DS as people think I must have been a teenager when I had him (I wasn't - I was a married 27 year old- something my mum is always keen to point out Grin)

bryceQ · 20/04/2024 11:07

Quite often if I think about it.... A few times a week? By women usually.

Partridgewell · 20/04/2024 11:17

A lot. It used to be mainly men but now it's mostly younger women (I'm mid-40s). I don't have a hugely attractive face, but I have a slim hourglass figure. Tbh it's quite nice ( especially now it's mainly women rather than predatory men) but it doesn't mean I always feel amazing about myself.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 20/04/2024 11:39

When I was younger, in my teens and 20s, I was called 'very pretty and 'cute' a lot, mostly by men I was dating or who wanted to date me and by randoms who saw me in the street. Never, 'beautiful', that's come funnily enough in my 30s/40s/50s (early 50s!) if at all. I was very shy in my early teens (13 onwards) and used to blush like mad if I walked past boys playing football in our local park. I also grew into my looks, I wore glasses up until age 12 when the eye specialist said I didn't need to wear them during the day, only for reading and TV. I also had long hair and at age 13 got in chopped off into a Princess/Lady Di layered bob. I turned as I was told from an ugly duckling into a beautiful swan (ha!). I did have full lips too and some boys if they didn't get a reaction from me would call me 'rubber lips' and a wide/high forehead which got 'spam'.

The other day, I was walking through a local park on my way to meet a friend for coffee, but about a 15-20 minute walk from where I live, past an open gym machine part of the park and I saw a couple of guys doing exercises, one more than the other! I glanced over, partly as I was curious if they were doing PT work, then one man made a comment about 'come over and say hi, don't just watch!' but with a smile, and because I had time, I thought, ok, why not, so went over and had a 15-20 minute chat with them both. As I left, one of the guys smiled at me and told me 'you're pretty, you have a beautiful smile' which was totally unexpected and I just said 'thanks!'.

I had on a black sweatshirt with a lighter colour tiger print head and a slogan (in black) on, black leggings, Sainsburys Tu white and yellow trainers, black Clarks rucksack and black Uniqlo cordoroy crossbody bag and some earrings but nothing flashy, also some bright blue mirrored aviator style sunglasses. I had nothing else on, apart from an old Tiffany silver ring, and a sapphire/diamond white gold artisan ring (made by a jeweller in Spitalfields, sapphire is my birthstone). I did have light makeup on but minimal and my hair was sort of freshly washed but not styled, it had just dried naturally.

For the past 2-3 weeks I've taken time off work which I sometimes don't take, a well deserved short holiday and had some time abroad (whilst still MN'ing, ha!), so what I think shone through with me, is I was relaxed and happy, taking in the sun (it was a warmer, sunny day). I've also noticed that since my 30s but more noticeably probably actually late 30s/40's onwards - I gave off a sassiness, don't give a F confidence. I'm not bothered if I turn heads or not, at all. That day, I did turn heads (you know when you notice it, that you're looking good, definitely not every day these days, far from it!), maybe it was what I was wearing.

I recall another time, this time last year, I'd lost a stone in weight with Weightwatchers, I was dressed in a Hush dragon t-shirt, with Sainsburys black/grey jeans with a tie waist, not much makeup on and hair not 'done' and sitting in a car with my SIL (always looks good but not glam, understated beauty!). We'd just parked up next to a park and were waiting for DB to come along with my DNephew in his car and his friend and his son.

Suddenly I noticed a man sitting opposite us in a white 4x4, who was younger than me (prob mid 30s?), blond, tanned, good looking, who slowly and deliberately took off his t-shirt to show a fully ripped tanned muscular torso, all in my eyeline but I was in the passenger seat. I was trying not to look (not normally my type) but I did, it was a good sight for sore eyes!

As I got out of the car, he suddenly got out of his car, approached us, asked if it was ok to park here (he didn't know apparently despite there being signs!) and offered to buy us both a coffee if we fancied it from a cafe around the corner (the park cafe would've done but was quite a walk away from where we were). He paid me loads of attention whilst we walked there, and was trying to flirt and we swapped numbers but I was dating my boyfriend at the time (fairly new relationship though), so I passed on him that time and I did think he was a tad young for me. He did say 'you're stunning' in a text to me though after we'd swapped numbers, which was very sweet of him.

And there've been times when I've been all dressed up, hair tonged, fake tan, full makeup, nice outfit and I've got barely a second glance too. So just goes to show!

Willyoujustbequiet · 20/04/2024 11:56

Dd gets stopped daily and complimented by everyone on her hair. Strangers in the street. She's pretty but her hair is outstanding. Teachers, medical professionals etc..literally everyone comments.

I'm so proud lol

AllPrincessAnneshorses · 20/04/2024 12:00

Miloandfreddy · 19/04/2024 21:40

I can guarantee you are not a very ugly woman. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I'm sure nobody thinks you are ugly

This sort of patronising nonsense helps no one. Some people [ raises hand]are unfortunately very plain to ugly. And we own mirrors.

AllPrincessAnneshorses · 20/04/2024 12:02

Zooeyzo · 20/04/2024 10:41

An older woman once stopped me to compliment my outfit and overall style and I still remember that as my favourite random person encounter.

This. Always compliment a great outfit when I see one.

Disturbia81 · 20/04/2024 12:05

Always but it's equally men and women. And I'm not slim slim, never been lower than a size 12 (well once but looked gaunt)

Disturbia81 · 20/04/2024 12:07

And I always make sure I compliment women whenever I feel the urge to instead of holding back. Never men though 🤣 they take it the wrong way.

gonn · 20/04/2024 12:07

Never, but I have a facial disfigurement so anything that’s not staring at my beauty in horror is a win for me 😂

KreedKafer · 20/04/2024 12:10

I don’t get told I’m beautiful or anything (I mean, I’m not - I’m not ugly but I’m not a conventional beauty by any means and currently I’m overweight) but I regularly get compliments on my hair, including from random strangers.

Occasionally women ask me if I’ve had eyelash extensions. As I haven’t, I take that as a compliment.

AlohaOptima · 20/04/2024 12:12

Day to day rarely, get told I am smiley a lot which is nice. One particular time we went out and I had made a lot of effort, 8 people told me/dh how great I look. DH hates it but if it’s other females I think it’s a lovely compliment.

I think it was more the outfit etc than me to be fair!

Whoareye · 20/04/2024 12:23

Jennyjojo5 · 20/04/2024 07:19

What’s your marital status/her being single got to do with anything? Fab that you’re happily married, but it doesn’t make you a better person than she is/have a better life than she does , which is what you’re implying !

I think that's a bit harsh. I thought she was implying that actually perceived exceptional good looks aren't a guarantee of a successful relationship. That looks aren't the basis of a happy life.

I've found this thread quite an eye opener.
Being old-fashioned I've never understood the social media thing of posting pictures to gain validation from "likes". Now reading this thread I see there is a whole world out there where it is apparently normal for total strangers to go up to people and comment on their looks.
So sad this perpetual emphasis on looks.

PaperStarred · 20/04/2024 12:34

Whoareye · 20/04/2024 12:23

I think that's a bit harsh. I thought she was implying that actually perceived exceptional good looks aren't a guarantee of a successful relationship. That looks aren't the basis of a happy life.

I've found this thread quite an eye opener.
Being old-fashioned I've never understood the social media thing of posting pictures to gain validation from "likes". Now reading this thread I see there is a whole world out there where it is apparently normal for total strangers to go up to people and comment on their looks.
So sad this perpetual emphasis on looks.

Surely that’s only relevant if you think a relationship is key to a fulfilled life, though. There was an apparently unconsidered assumption to that post that women’s looks are there to bag them a chap, and therefore that the OP’s friend’s good looks hadn’t done their job.

dinmin · 20/04/2024 12:36

Probably 2-4 times a year, plus maybe the same again specifically for my hair. Usually gay guys or women though!

suntannedsnowballsinhellskitchen · 20/04/2024 12:43

To quote a PP: I am a magnet for a certain type of man

A complete stranger once walked into my work office, looked me up and down and said "holy fuck" Hmm I was not impressed

Another (on site) said "I think you're gorgeous"

I call it submarine syndrome. I work in a male dominated field and I think I'm the only female these men see

I'm alright looking, 5ft and 7.5st and I'm reasonably young at 33 but I am definitely not "holy fuck" material. Knob

Whoareye · 20/04/2024 12:46

PaperStarred · 20/04/2024 12:34

Surely that’s only relevant if you think a relationship is key to a fulfilled life, though. There was an apparently unconsidered assumption to that post that women’s looks are there to bag them a chap, and therefore that the OP’s friend’s good looks hadn’t done their job.

Well actually I agree with you that being in a relationship is not the only way to have a good life. People can and do have fulfilled and happy lives without a relationship.
I still think it's harsh on the poster to assume she thinks looks are for "bagging" a man. I think the assumption she is digging at is that if you are perceived as really good looking you get lots of offers and therefore more likely to find someone with good relationship qualities. She is saying this isn't necessarily the case.

SallyWD · 20/04/2024 12:52

By people I've just met? Never! To be honest, I'd find it a bit odd if I was introduced to someone and they immediately said "Oh you're rather attractive".
I occasionally get complimented on my looks by close friends and family members. To me that means a lot because I think it's not only about my appearance but me as a person or how they see me too.
I remember my mum once saying to me "You are so beautiful". At the time I was a rather chubby, spotty teenager but I could tell from from the way she said it that it was all about how she saw me and how much she loved me. It made me feel all warm inside. So much more meaningful than a random stranger telling me I look nice.

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