Gynaecologist remark to DH

[Gyneapologist]

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

How completely inappropriate. Make a formal complaint.

That is really unprofessional. I am all for tongue in cheek jokes but I'd be really thrown off if this was said in a medical appointment. I don't need to know about my doctor's sense of humour, I want reassurance that I am being looked after.

I think it speaks reems about the misogyny of that one idiot oncologist. It says nothing about the NHS at all.**

I agree. I’m appalled and I imagine 99% of NHS staff would be too.

So it is acceptable for a medical professional to ‘joke’ about someone trading in their partner for a ‘younger model’ if the couple is deemed ‘traditional’? 🙄

Also, emotional and practical support during difficult times should be part of every marriage, ‘traditional’ or not. And accompanying a spouse to stressful appointments is a normal part of that support.

I've raised concerns over the lack of sensitivity of an NHS doctor. I was in the middle of a miscarriage (possibly number 4 by that point - they do all blur together) and she said I needed to stay hopeful. I challenged her in the room and asked what I should be hopeful for as i wasnt pregnant anymore? I contacted the department afterwards and she phoned me. She apologised and was able to see it from my point of view. A male doctor had told me the same thing during an earlier miscarriage so I wondered if it was something that was passed down to say to women in this position. Utterly trite so felt I wanted this changed and each women being spoken to regarding their circumstances at the time. Not this bland statement that didn't apply on my situation. Its about putting things right.

What’s that got to do with it?!!

You should report the consultant his comment was out of order. Even if it was meant to come accross in a jokey way it doesn’t make sense in response to asking for an mri.

Also there’s nothing wrong with having your DH present, many people take someone to their appointments for many reasons (because they are nervous, because they want help in remembering info, for support etc).

I’m so sorry OP. You must complain - what was said to you was dreadful.

18 years ago I was pregnant with DS1. I had to have a stitch placed at 22 weeks. At a follow up appointment I ended up being the ‘freak show’ for a large group of medical students to come and stare at. I wouldn’t have minded, as I totally support students’ training - but evidently the presentation of my insides was unusual enough to warrant one of the medics scribbling a line drawing of my internals - complete with stitch - with blue biro on a sheet of kitchen roll. And passing it round for everyone to have a good old gawp.

At just under 24 weeks my stitch broke. I was screaming in pain in the pregnancy unit in early labour, but the arsehole male registrar on duty that evening refused to examine me, in spite of my stitch. He told me I was a paranoid first time mother and there was no reason whatsoever why I’d be in early labour. He told me to go away and not contact them again unless I was bleeding.

Three days later DS1 was born at 24 weeks. He’s 18 now and has multiple disabilities. The arsehole registrar never even acknowledged what had happened. He’s a consultant at a different hospital and probably having a very nice life. My son will never live fully independently.

Straight to PSLS for both of you.

Despite that horrendous event, I hope you are mending well x

I had a gynae appointment post second pregnancy about a (relatively minor in comparison to some but pretty traumatising for me) prolapse. I was told repeatedly by the male consultant that it was "normal" and the icing on the cake was "don't worry, your husband won't notice". I literally had no words. I'm not sure men are suited to gynae as a specialty, and I do wonder why some men choose it.

There’s always someone who has to find an “ angle in” on the OP - no matter how blameless the post. 🥱

Did you Time Slip into the 1950s? Not ok OP

What a horrible and inappropriate comment. If that was his attempt at humour, it's really not funny 😐 please do put in a complaint. I'm so sorry that you were subjected to that 💐

That’s so awful and shocking. I am so so sorry that you had to go through these experiences and that the callousness (which is what it was) of that registrar has had such devastating consequences. It’s that attitude of women being whiners (basically) that has such far reaching and entrenched impact on training, attitudes and practice xx

Please, please report him asap. That is absolutely disgusting

Thank you so much. And I completely agree. Wishing you well

Because to men it’s always about what men want. Everything including women are all there for them and their benefit. So fucking entitled. And yet there’s a poster on MN today today she can’t understand “radical” feminism and why we all complain about men so much on here 🤷🏼‍♀️

Jesus.

I agree with a PP that your DH should complain - the comment was made to him. But in a very strange way I think it is good that the "apprentice" was there. It means you can cover that off in the complaint that the role model/training was inappropriate for junior staff. That makes it less personal about the competence of the surgeon and more about implementation of trust policies and procedures.

Hope your recovery is going well.

And although possibly some people have asked unusual or different questions that is one of the great benefits of Mumsnet - we hear opinions from those with a different experience or opinion to us or our supporters. Whereas I have no words for those coming on again and again to query questions that others have asked. What value do you think you were adding to the thread? Just none - total derail.

That's outrageous. I would certainly raise it as a concern and ask for an update on the outcome. A written apology would be nice.

Ageist sexist comment Immediate complaint.I walked out when a young guy called .me sweetheart.

👏 👏

Bloody well done!

This has to be up there with one of the most idiotic questions I have ever seen on Mumsnet. If I were you, I’d be really grateful that this site is anonymous to save my own humiliation.

Are you for real?

You think my husband less of a competent man because I attend his oncology appointments with him!

WTF! Yeah, it was bloody fabulous talking about if he would survive his surgery! Yes, obviously according to you he should have been a proper grown up and faced this alone, so he could just come home and tell me about it later.

You have obviously never faced cancer in any way. Believe me it’s fucking terrifying!

Disgusting, report the prick.