Gynaecologist remark to DH

[Gyneapologist]

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

yes, please dont tar everyone with the same brush,

No excuses for the comment and I'm sorry you were subjected to that. However, calling the doctor sitting in an 'apprentice' is quite derogatory too you know.

This would be an example of the fabled "medical humour" I suppose. In other words, total insensitivity.

I'd've blurted out something very sarcastic.

Why are you trying to make this out to be the husband is in wrong? There was only one person in the wrong and it certainly wasn't the OPs husband.

Yeps, that’s why I put ‘ apprentice’ in quotation marks - it was not my terminology

Jeez. I'm barely ever offended at anything, have a v dark sense of humour etc, but that's just....wow. I probably wouldn't bother complaining though, you've more than likely got enough on your plate to be bothered with the hassle.

So whose terminology was it? Surely he wasn't insulting the other doctor as well?!

Hideous and appalling misogyny that needs an official complaint. I felt so vulnerable in those rooms because we are actually vulnerable in those consultations.

However as you are recovering from cancer (20 yrs clear myself, healing is possible!!) you need all your energy for that work. Someone else can make this complaint, someone who this remark was aimed at. Perhaps let him take the weight of this whilst you heal?

I asked earlier OP - what did your husband say to him when he made that remark?

I’ve heard the same utterly inappropriate shit but was on my own, no witnesses etc . I was so shocked my brain froze and I just left feeling totally worthless .
I did report what happened to PALS
Never heard back
He was the top consultant too.

PALS is a joke. Go to the media

Reminds me when a male doctor gave me a cervical screening and in the process said ‘I should have bought you dinner first’. I was in my early 20s and so upset but kept quiet, if it happened to me now at near 40 I’d have hit the roof.

She didn't tar everyone, she tarred the NHS as an organization. And data sadly backs that up.
https://www.wired.com/story/gender-health-gap-geeta-nargund/#:~:text=The%20UK%20has%20the%20largest,health%20gap%20in%20the%20G20.

It is so utterly wrong that you had to experience this. This consultant shouldn’t be in the job if he thinks it’s appropriate to make highly insensitive , rude, sexist remarks about a patient, especially in front of of a junior colleague
He of all people must be aware of how vulnerable you were feeling .
Please complain .

This is terrible. I wonder if it is the gynaecologist I saw. A few years later I mentioned what he had said to me to someone who had previously worked in the same department without mentioning names and she said that sounds like (name of gynaecologist), he is renowned for it, I would never go to him. I do wonder how some of these men stay in their jobs.

I cant find it now but i saw an article where the patient found sex painful I cant remember . It may have had something to do with the mesh scandal. The consultant suggested anal instead

Wonder what he’d have said if you’d suggested an MRI scan to see if his mouth and brain had any meaningful connection. I don’t mind a bit of comedy but it’s not even fucking funny. Complain!

Unless somone is fully aware of NHS terms for various levels of medical training, calling junior doctors in their first year apprentice is not far off. Only better regular term would be intern.
Bcs this is what they are.
You finish medical degree without almost any practical experience with patients and go on for a year to tag allong more experienced medical staff to learn basics. And do jobs no one else in hospital wants to touch.
Nurse two years in their career is more experienced.
Then you become SHO and take over more shit job and you are still far from being specialist in something.
Once you become registrar you will start learning your specialty. This is why registrars always have their consultant on call as backup. Unfortunatelly, during night hospitals are mostly filled with registrars in various stages of experience. Some are just at the begining of their specialty training.
And than you have consultants.
People who finished specialization and are experts in field.
Not surprisingly, this takes 6-8 years. Like you would expect any other graduate to spend learning insides of their chosen career and be at independent senior level.

@LondonFox. So what everyone below consultant level is an intern? Are you for real!

God, me too. I've booked the day off to go to DH's hospital appt in 4 weeks, and he's driving me to mine tomorrow. And these are routine ones, nothing as serious as your's

that must have felt awful, I wonder if he knew how bad he came across. Some people in the medical profession are very blasé about health issues, they see it every day and it's like gallows humour, they come out with stuff and don't engage their brain before opening their trap.

Do escalate it so they make him see how he sounds (crass and insensitive) x

Why shouldn’t he be?

I opened this thread thinking "How bad could it be" and am absolutely shocked!! He's basically saying you're better off dead. Please do file a formal complaint if you feel up to it. Unfortunately you've also had some unpleasant comments here which is a shame

WTAF? I accompanied my extremely competent late DH to all his cancer appointments. He wanted me to, not just for support, but because it's easy to forget the questions one wants to ask. That's not incompetence, it's a stress response to being in such a situation.
Having someone else there also means that after the appointment you can talk about it and check your memory of the information and advice given.

And no, we weren't a 'traditional' couple. We're were a team that supported each other.

The comment made by the consultant was offensive and deeply inappropriate.

Comments made by a minority of posters on here- asking the OP why her DH was in with her and demanding to know what he said in response to the consultant- are just about as bad.
The OP has suffered really frightening illnesses, she and her DH have likely been worried sick, and you few are trying to pick fault with THEM?! Disgraceful responses displaying nada sensitivity or compassion. Grow some brains and hearts.

Wishing you all the best OP 💐

And she answered. Read her posts again