Gynaecologist remark to DH

[Gyneapologist]

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

Sorry, I may be being thick but I'm not sure I even understand the "joke".

Was he implying that you're husband was hoping you would die so that he can get a younger woman instead? Or that he hopes you have the all clear so that he can stop worrying about you / feeling responsible for you so that he can leave you for a younger woman? Or something else?

Something about this great wit is passing me by but, even if it wasn't, I think I'd take great pleasure in making him spell out the elements of the "joke" in excruciating detail, along with exactly why it's funny so that he could hear himself.

I guesss it varies. I've had one excellent female gynae, one excellent male gynae and two male gynaes who caused me extreme pain (one cut me without any pain relief; the other kept cutting after I told him that the local hadn't worked).

WTAF? Is there a service called RUDEBot that posts on sites?

@Meadowfinch I am happy about this for you and I hope you are doing well.

However @Gyneapologist is talking about HER experience, not yours, and she is entitled to express her dissatisfaction with the care SHE received. It’s not a competition.

Also this.

@VesperLind why do you ask? Surely the obvious reason is for support?!

What an odd comment. The same reason anyone takes their loved one to a medical appointment. For emotional support, for physical help (the OP is recovering from cancer surgery), to help understand what the doctor is telling them, to discuss their treatment options.

You don’t need to prove or explain yourself.

As a fellow ectopic survivor - I am so sorry.

Disgusting ! I would make a complaint! He should not be in that job if he thinks these comments are ok !

Shocking remark after all you have been though.
Years ago I had a miscarriage and was at the hospital with my partner. This doctor who was dealing with us, a female, was talking about the d&c I would have to have and she said while flirting with my partner, 'I bet I have seen more legs up in the air than you have'. All this while I was very sad after miscarriage, I was so shocked and wish I had reported her. Very unprofessional and shocking.

Fucking hell. Dreadful. 😡

Is he Scottish?

Why on earth would he say that? I don’t even get the supposed ‘joke’…..

Thank you Otter2 but I was young then mid 20's. If it was now would have called her out there and then, what a horrible bitchy unsensitive person she was.

My endocrine dr is now the NHS lead in the uk for racism….

thus doesn’t stop drs from quipping that he thinks he’s god! I mean why in earth would you start this conversation with a patient?)?

I think it’s highly unprofessional beyond belief and shows exactly why he needs to do that job!

Racism and misogynistic people all around.

This consultant sounds like the equivalent of some 1970's comedians, and probably considered his remark to be a very unfunny 'joke'.

In fact, this bloke was probably the model for the old joke : what's the difference between God and a medical consultant? answer: God doesn't think he's a consultant.

Is it common then for 'traditional' couples to want to trade their partners in?
That's what you're implying (I think) - that the consultant only made this comment because he thinks they're a traditional couple.

It's not at all unusual for patients to take someone with them appointments; actively encouraged in many cases. Even the most competent, independent person needs support at times.

He needs to be sent on a course......How To Treat Female Patients As Sentient And Possibly Intelligent Life Forms.

He sounds too old fashioned to be working and needs pensioning off so he can sit in a corner uttering his incomprehensible and misogynistic garbage somewhere where nobody can hear it.

Definitely complain.

Obviously because he'd noticed the windows in the consultant's room were in need of a wash, so he took his mop and bucket in to do them. For God's sake. 🙄🙄🙄

Honestly, why would you even ask something so stupid?' Have you never wanted support in a situation like this?

Please make a formal complaint.

Why not? What a weird comment.

I suppose in the 1950s husbands didn't accompany their wives to gynae appointments. Perhaps the first response is from somebody from that time.

As if he's not used to husband's being present. Are you made of ice?

Definitely report this. I don't know if it's just me but every time I have had a gynae appointment, I've always felt like I've been treated like a piece of meat on a conveyor belt. So much so, that despite having ongoing gynae issues, I have refused to go back as I don't feel like they care about my problems. There seems to be absolutely no bedside manner in this department and that's been in two different NHS trust areas as I changed address.