Gynaecologist remark to DH

[Gyneapologist]

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

I am a confident and independent person. My husband has been with me for most of my cancer appointments. I wouldn’t have got through this far without him. You are very lucky to have no idea what it is like to be taken into a room and be told the words, you have cancer.

Thank you all for the replies and the support 🌺.
For those who don’t believe me, sadly it’s true.

There are some seriously weird posters on here. Sad that some women wouldn’t be able to go into such a scary and serious thing with their husbands.

🙄

Eh? Why shouldn't she have her husband with her at her appointment, what a strange remark!

I'm sorry it sounded like I was nitpicking, I work in a related field and was trying to make sense of what happened with my work head on. Every part of this sounds so far from standard practice I was thinking out loud, I'm sorry.

A medic has even less excuse to be so completely lacking in the ability to speak to a human than a surgeon does, they spend all day with conscious scared people who need care and compassion.

Oh my god there are no words.

This is all levels of wrong, from moving out of professional mode to you both, failing to model appropriate behaviour to the student present, (so unprofessional with him too), the off-colour and sexist insult offered to you both, and the subtext implication for a cancer patient in particular. He couldn’t have got it any more wrong, really.

So sorry to hear about the way you were treated at this appointment, OP. It’s enough dealing with medical appointments without a lack of professionalism on top.

Indeed. My local hospital encourages patients undergoing cancer treatment or attending post-cancer operation follow-up appointments to bring their partners to appointments.

He probably thought he was being funny and lightening the atmosphere.

Maybe after he said it he felt mortified.

Still, by age 60 I thinks most people would have learned to take a second and reconsider before making a joke like that.

I think your DH should have said something in your defence! I’d be more upset about that.

Disgusting. I'd make a massive fuss. I don't know what complaints procedures are, but I'd look into getting it right to the top/being as noisy as possible rather than following a standard procedure that might mean it was sat on/minimised/ignored.

What a bizarre comment, not at all appropriate or funny. It is good you have witnesses.
Please do complain, it does not have to be like this. My infertility consultant, male nearing retirement could not have been a more kind and compassionate human being.

Why not?

Hospitals tell you that you can take a supporter into appointments.

I think OP has explained that her DH was totally taken aback, so why would he think of a retort!

Stop trying to blame him, he is not the issue by any means!

I am so sorry that this happened to you OP. He is a complete fucking twat and you MUST COMPLAIN and take it as high as you can. He needs a bollocking and you need an apology.

For those who think that the NHS does not have an issue with institutionalised misogyny...words fail me.
What about the diabolical maternity care and the endless scandals? The fact that women are not given enough pain relief when they need it (and men are)? That it was only made mandatory in 2022 for trainee doctors to learn about women's bodies? And just think how quickly the NHS switched important cancer messaging to calling us chest feeders and ovary havers...don't recall seeing men called penis wielders or testicle carriers though.

What a stupid question. Why should he not be? Sucks for you that you don’t have the kind of relationship where you might like your partner that for support/be comfortable having him there.

Men coming on here to post that they do not believe women's experiences of sexism take the .

I accompanied my late husband to all his medical appointments for heart trouble. Every other man there was accompanied by his significant other.

Maybe after he said it he felt mortified

Unlikely since anyone who would even have a phrase like that in their head - let alone say it out loud - is doubtlessly a complete and utter prick.

OP you have no need to prove yourself to twats on here. Don't give them your time.

Me too!!!!

I’m so sorry to hear everything you have been through OP. I am glad you have the support of your husband, which it seems other PPs don’t have.

That’s what you took from this post? Seriously!?!?

OP this is awful absolutely awful! I can’t think of a single situation that this is acceptable to say.

Why is that relevant

I would pursue this and wouldn't drop it until the gynaecologist was appropriately (harshly!) punished. He has no business having a medical license. Appalling, I'm so sorry for you OP.

What about when the wife accompanied the husband? What type of couple are they then? Still traditional?