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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my daughter off of school for a hair appointment

142 replies

Melonlove · 19/04/2024 11:48

Hi
My daughter has a 3 days residential trip. We didn’t know about it until 2 days ago as she wanted to go but it was full up and somebody canceled their space opening it up to us. She’s going this coming Wednesday.

She is 7 with very thick and long Afro hair that is very hard to manage and mattes very easily. It’s really impossible to do unless you have experience with it. She can’t yet brush her hair properly or put it up properly. If she didn’t brush her hair for 3 days it would become very tangled and just look a mess. I did ask the school if anybody could help her and they said they’re not allowed to help them with that.

All of the braiders in my area are full this weekend, I’ve tried everyone even out of my town. However one person has an opening for Monday but this would be during school hours.

AIBU if I keep her off on Monday and say she’s sick so she can get her hair braided which will protect it whilst she’s away?

OP posts:
ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 19/04/2024 11:50

If you say she is sick on Monday, with a 48 hour exclusion rule, she won't be on a residential on Wednesday.

Mangolover123 · 19/04/2024 11:50

I think that is fine. You will feel better and so will she.
I normally would say not alright but you have tried your best and you know what you need to do for your child.

Namechangedforthis25 · 19/04/2024 11:51

Yes I think it’s fine in this case but be wary of the 48 hour rule

InTheRainOnATrain · 19/04/2024 11:52

Makes sense I think. Is DD old enough to stick to the story? But I would say dentist appointment instead maybe. You don’t want school quizzing about fake symptoms that may lead DD to say the wrong thing and get excluded from the trip because of fever/stomach bug rules.

Beatrixslobber · 19/04/2024 11:52

I wouldn’t lie. Tell the truth.

ZipZapZoom · 19/04/2024 11:52

Don't say she's sick just phone the school on Monday and let them know she won't be in today. No need to lie.

ProcrastinationCentral · 19/04/2024 11:53

I think I'd jut tell them the truth, there's an element of welfare involved as surely she will be very uncomfortable if her hair gets more and more tangled while she is away.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/04/2024 11:54

Typing this without knowledge of Afro hair so I'm happy to be shot down as ignorant, but...

I think it depends on the reasons for the 'mess' being a problem after 3 days. Mess as in Will take hours to untangle and be painful, or mess as in looks messy.

The former, then it's a valid reason, the latter and I'm not sure that missing education so that hair doesn't look messy is a good example.

Balloonhearts · 19/04/2024 11:54

Say she has an appointment, you don't want them excluding her from the trip because she's ill

onwardsup4 · 19/04/2024 11:54

Just say an appointment. I don't think schools tend to quiz kids about why they're off especially if her attendance is usually good.

RollOnSpringDays · 19/04/2024 11:54

I’d just call school and explain the actual reason. It may go as an unauthorised absence but if you’re ok with that it’s best to be truthful.

User79853257976 · 19/04/2024 11:55

Does she need to miss the whole day?

Justablueone · 19/04/2024 11:55

just say she is unwell with something that’s not d and v so you fine then have a 48 hr rule applied.

Unless you have a school that are culturally aware and understanding it’s probably easier to say it’s illness. Not ideal to lie but sometimes easier. My dc have similar hair and I would absolutely do this as if you don’t the residential could ruin her hair !!

BettyShagter · 19/04/2024 11:55

Tell the truth and drop her back to school after the appointment if there's time.

Otherwise your DD will get dragged into the lies.

hedgehoglurker · 19/04/2024 11:56

I'm reading this as a 2 night trip. Can you do her hair in a couple of Dutch plaits and have her wear a sleep bonnet overnight? (I have mixed race curly hair.)

Grumppy · 19/04/2024 11:56

I think this is an acceptable day off in this circumstance. Her hair needs to be the last thing she worries about so she can go and enjoy herself on the trip

GoFaster83 · 19/04/2024 11:56

I think, having already asked the school if they can support with hair care and they've replied no, they will be understanding of her absence. Is there a way you can get her into school before or after the appointment? That would show that you are supportive of school and have a legitimate reason for her to be absent. It may be recorded as unauthorised but the staff will understand, I'm sure.

Justablueone · 19/04/2024 11:56

User79853257976 · 19/04/2024 11:55

Does she need to miss the whole day?

Braiding can take hours esp on long hair

TheValueOfEverything · 19/04/2024 11:57

Balloonhearts · 19/04/2024 11:54

Say she has an appointment, you don't want them excluding her from the trip because she's ill

Absolutely fine - good decision OP, will make all the difference to your daughter enjoying a really formative school trip.

But just say 'she has an appointment' rather than make up some illness. It could be a medical, dental, counselling, appointment.. you don't need to specify what type. If they ask, be honest but couch it in terms of wellbeing, avoiding anxiety, upset while she's away, etc. Hope she has a fab time!

TinyYellow · 19/04/2024 11:57

Don’t lie, you will just look stupid when your daughter comes into school with newly done hair the next day and it’s not fair to expect her to keep up the lie to her teachers.

I‘m usually very against children being taken out of school when they are well, but I think you have a valid reason here. Some people might try and trivialise it as just hair, but they would be people that have no idea what it’s like to have to manage very curly hair so their opinions are worth nothing.

If you can book an afternoon appointment, just send your dd to school and pick her up early.

Bellaboo01 · 19/04/2024 11:57

I wouldn't bother telling a lie. I would just say your reason.

Out of interest what do you do with her hair normally? Very long, thick afro hair needs lots of care and attention. Even a top knot would help with the knots etc. Our school have a policy whereby hair isnt allowed to be down.

FireworksAndSparklers · 19/04/2024 11:59

I think this is welfare and also equality. They need to find a way to manage her hair and if they can't do it when she's at the residential, they need to give her time to get it sorted before then.

TheValueOfEverything · 19/04/2024 11:59

Actually, agree with others, give the reason, so they can understand + appreciate why it's a valid absence (and ignorant teachers who don't understand or have no experience of Afro hair don't blame you/your daughter).

Original poster
Melonlove · 19/04/2024 12:01

User79853257976 · 19/04/2024 11:55

Does she need to miss the whole day?

Her last braids took 6 hours

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 19/04/2024 12:03

FireworksAndSparklers · 19/04/2024 11:59

I think this is welfare and also equality. They need to find a way to manage her hair and if they can't do it when she's at the residential, they need to give her time to get it sorted before then.

This. I'd be inclined to be honest with the school about it as well so your dd doesn't need to get caught up in a lie. Are they usually decent to deal with or do you think they'd make a problem for you? If they have a history of being difficult to deal with then I'd say it's for a different type of appointment rather than sickness.