To keep my daughter off of school for a hair appointment

[Melonlove]

Hi
My daughter has a 3 days residential trip. We didn’t know about it until 2 days ago as she wanted to go but it was full up and somebody canceled their space opening it up to us. She’s going this coming Wednesday.

She is 7 with very thick and long Afro hair that is very hard to manage and mattes very easily. It’s really impossible to do unless you have experience with it. She can’t yet brush her hair properly or put it up properly. If she didn’t brush her hair for 3 days it would become very tangled and just look a mess. I did ask the school if anybody could help her and they said they’re not allowed to help them with that.

All of the braiders in my area are full this weekend, I’ve tried everyone even out of my town. However one person has an opening for Monday but this would be during school hours.

AIBU if I keep her off on Monday and say she’s sick so she can get her hair braided which will protect it whilst she’s away?

It's one day not her entire education fgs and if you'd read the op and further posts you'd see that it actually is important.

I'd tell the school op. You didn't know she was going so didn't have a choice to sort this earlier so I think it's reasonable to take the cancellation and get her hair in a protective style so she won't suffer discomfort or pain

I would be inclined to send an email explaining the situation and apologising. I would accept that it will be unauthorised but explain it is required as she has Afro hair which she will be unable to manage on the trip without experienced help.

What time is the appointment OP? Can she go in for morning registration so she only misses one session?

Please don’t lie, we always know / find out it’s not fair on the child who will inevitably say something. They always do!!

I think it’s a really sensible decision to keep her off school to get her hair braided - Afro hair getting in a mess can be horrendous to de-tangle and she will be much more comfortable on the trip.

I think most, or at least many people with knowledge of protective styles would not miss a day of school for braids, even at the last minute. Not for a 7 year old for 2 nights. A self-conscious teenager for a week, yes possibly.

These 6 hour (or longer) braids are designed to last for numerous weeks or several months. A style to last a few days should take a fraction of the time, and not necessitate a day off school. It was something that in my experience, my mum or an older sister would have easily done at home for me as a child.

The above is why I think PP suggested OP research protective styles, as my impression from this thread is that OP's first experience of caring for afro type hair is due to her DD. I may be wrong though!

It’s fine but don’t lie

If you say she is sick and then she turns up at school with her hair in braids, you’ll be caught out in a lie - and are you expecting her to play along with the lie?

Have you tried your local FB community page and asked if anyone can help with afro braids one evening and free to help? I’ve found the people there can be really helpful?

Surely you could do it yourself over the weekend?

I'd do it and I would lie also. You are prioritising the experience for your daughter, which is absolutely the right thing to do. However, the school are likely to have to put it as an unauthorized absence because there's very little leeway with these things. Just choose an illness that won't invoke the 48 hour rule.

I am mixed.
Her dad is black.

The main thing for me is that I don't think you're unreasonable in principle, and I'm someone who never advocates for missing school.

I'm not sure what I'd give as a reason. I think I'd just be honest as what's the worst that can really happen? They can't demand she comes in and social services aren't going to come round for the sake of a 1 day unauthorised absence, I presume!

Also the 48 hour comments are a red herring. Unless youre really silly you obviously wouldn't say she was physically sick Monday morning! You would say she was sick Friday night or Saturday morning and you're keeping her off to be on the safe side because of the trip. Or she has a headache or something.

Hi OP. Obviously you don't have to answer, but I wonder if you grew up without a black lady influencing your hair care? Again, fully prepared to be wrong again 😆.

My mum is black, so as a child my hair was always treated as afro with various braiding styles. For primary school residentials, it would be cane-rowed, for example, and this would take perhaps an hour or so and last the whole trip.

You clearly want the best for your DD, but to answer your AIBU, I still think YABU, as there are alternatives that wouldn't need a day off school. I also would be concerned that especially if the braider is unknown to you, they might do them too tightly and your DD could be away on her trip in pain.

Whatever your decision, wishing your DD a wonderful time on her trip.

(Edited to reinsert lost paragraphs, hopefully they are still there now.)

I totally understand the dilema, but I disagree with your solution.

My neices are mixed race, and when they went to stay with my mum (Grandma) who had no idea about afro hair, my sister in law would plait it into two french plaits before they came. The french plaits stayed in for 2-3 days and my mum wouldn't touch them.
When they went home my SIL took the plaits out.

No need for complete head braid.

In your situation, I would keep her off for the hair appt but I would just be honest with school about it.

In all the schools my DC have been in, that's only if they vomit or have diarrhea. Anything else, they want them back in school asap.

Another thread where I was sure you were unreasonable from the title, and then changed my mind on the details. I think I'd just be honest with the school. If you keep her home sick and then she shows up with immaculate braids the next day they'll guess anyway. And if you lie then she's got to lie too, and that's not a position you want to put her in.

I have no experience with afro hair, but even with my limited knowledge I can understand that 3 days of tangles is going to be a massive problem. The alternatives are that you cut her hair very short before she goes; cut it all off when she gets back; or literally spend hours trying to detangle it, no doubt causing her significant distress and probably pain, and risk damaging it to the point where it's going to look awful for the immediate future so you might as well have cut it off anyway. I'm not suggesting you should do any of those things, but it might be helpful to remember them when you're trying to explain to the school.

Says who? That might apply to your nieces but not OP's daughter. Her hair may have a coarser texture than your nieces' hair.
As the OP is this child's mother I think she will know what is required for her daughter's hair.

"No need for complete head braid."

So sure of yourself with your limited experience.

To everyone else, I completely forgot about the 48 hour rule. I will just tell them she needs it done.

That is the best solution. She is only 7 so missing a day of school isn't the end of the wrold.

Telling the school that she is ill then having her turn up with newly done hair is an insult to the teachers who will just think that you think they are stupid.

I hope she enjoys her trip.

My niece has long Afro hair and my sis would tell the school the truth. Matted Afro hair is not something teachers want to deal with

Braiding hair can take between 4-6 hours.

Do you not have a single family member who can do something with her hair to last a few days? To be honest I think you really need to reconsider the style you keep her hair in anyway. A small child shouldn't have to dedicate so much of their time every morning and night to having their hair done.

This.

Dentist or optician appointment. Don’t say that she’s sick.

Are there no family members who can braid her hair this weekend?
if not, YANBU

No, I was raised by my white maternal grandmother who tried her best to care for my hair bless her but she didn’t know much, she did what research she could and kept it clean but in terms of style she was too arthritic to do most of them. I grew up wearing buns most of the time until I could take over hair care. Never had my hair braided until I was a teenager as grandmother couldn’t afford it.

I am unable to braid hair. I can do a 3 strand basic braid but I can not even do a French braid. Ever since I turned 18 I have had weaves and braids. I can care for my daughters care, I just can’t do many styles beyond a plait or bun. God knows I have tried I have watched so many YouTube tutorials and even got an Afro doll head like hairdressing students use!

Thankfully there was an appointment cancellation and we were able to get one yesterday and she has cornrows with braids which she loves.