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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my daughter off of school for a hair appointment

142 replies

Melonlove · 19/04/2024 11:48

Hi
My daughter has a 3 days residential trip. We didn’t know about it until 2 days ago as she wanted to go but it was full up and somebody canceled their space opening it up to us. She’s going this coming Wednesday.

She is 7 with very thick and long Afro hair that is very hard to manage and mattes very easily. It’s really impossible to do unless you have experience with it. She can’t yet brush her hair properly or put it up properly. If she didn’t brush her hair for 3 days it would become very tangled and just look a mess. I did ask the school if anybody could help her and they said they’re not allowed to help them with that.

All of the braiders in my area are full this weekend, I’ve tried everyone even out of my town. However one person has an opening for Monday but this would be during school hours.

AIBU if I keep her off on Monday and say she’s sick so she can get her hair braided which will protect it whilst she’s away?

OP posts:
BobbyBiscuits · 19/04/2024 12:51

Won't it be pretty obvious she comes in from a sick day with a brand new hairdo?
Other than that it seems you have no choice. She can't really go on the trip without suitable hair. It's probably really outdoorsy so her hair would get even more matted than usual.

fruitbrewhaha · 19/04/2024 12:51

6 hours! That must be expensive too.

Are you not able to plait it yourself at the weekend?

Kittenkitty · 19/04/2024 12:59

I’d call on the Monday, say she was sick on Saturday so you’re keeping her off for 48 hours and she’ll be back the next day.

BogRollBOGOF · 19/04/2024 13:02

As it's a Monday, she could have had her hair done Fri/ Sat, then been sick Sat evening and be clear for school on Tuesday.

It is a welfare issue that if her hair isn't looked after it will cause notable pain and difficulty in restoring it to its usual condition. You also need it styled in a way suitable for any health and safety requirements e.g. helmets if it's an activity trip.

I doubt that school could authorise a hair appointment and honesty could result in stroppy communications about it. It's frustrating that we live in a state where there's little space for nuance in a very regimented system.

TokyoSushi · 19/04/2024 13:03

If this isn't something that you usually do, and her attendance is good, and she's only 7 then I'd say it's fine, although I'd either tell the school or go with something non-infectious/exclusion like a sore throat.

SkyBloo · 19/04/2024 13:29

Can you have her hair cut a bit shorter? 6 hours is a hell of a long time for a 7 year old to have to sit having their hair braided.

What do you currently do with it to send her to school? Can you do something simpler involving putting in a couple of hours one evening?

Its quite unusual for schools to do residentials for children this young.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 19/04/2024 13:31

I would do it, I wouldn't lie though. I would offer to pick up the school work she's missing and do it at home though to catch up.

KreedKafer · 19/04/2024 13:41

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 19/04/2024 11:50

If you say she is sick on Monday, with a 48 hour exclusion rule, she won't be on a residential on Wednesday.

Surely that's only for vomiting and diarrhoea? OP, personally I think it's absolutely fine to keep her off to get her hair braided.

longtompot · 19/04/2024 13:53

I would let the school know because they aren't allowed to do her hair and the only appointment you can get for her to have it done is a school day, then that's your only option. A 6 hour appointment isn't like one you could have after school. Actually, just thinking about it, is there one that would mean she would only miss half a day, say just the afternoon?

OneWorldly4 · 19/04/2024 14:13

Kids tend to broadcast their homelife, where they've been etc from that age! Unless she is good at keeping quiet, maybe just tell the truth. If the school don't authorise the absence, they'll just mark it as unauthorised, but they might be lenient given the reason that your daughter will have difficulties at the residential if its not done?!

Antibetty · 19/04/2024 14:15

Don't lie - you are co-ercing your daughter into corroborating. Just tell the school and if they don't like it they can suck it up. It's a race issue. That'll shut them up.

AverageJoan · 19/04/2024 14:15

I agree with others, YANBU to keep her off for the appointment (I'd do the same!) but YABU to lie about it, just tell school she won't be in or that she has an appointment

3luckystars · 19/04/2024 14:17

I would absolutely, if it’s only a few hours she might not need the whole day off. Could she go in for some of the day and say you have an appointment?

Littlebitpsycho · 19/04/2024 14:18

I would be honest in this situation and explain how important it is that her hair is looked after properly - its actually better for them too if they don't have to worry about it!

Is there no way of plaiting it up tightly yourself, well enough just for a couple of days? Or is that not possible?

Comefromaway · 19/04/2024 14:20

I was going to say YABU but then I read your post. I would be honest with the school and say that in order for her to be able to go on a residential trip she needs this doing.

Loloj · 19/04/2024 14:22

I wouldn’t fake illness but say she has an appointment. If they ask what it is then tell them the truth- but just explain it as you have here. I’m sure the staff would be understanding of that even if they technically have to put it down as unauthorised. Even if it does go down as an unauthorised absence nothing will happen for one day.

LunaTheCat · 19/04/2024 14:32

Having read what is involved in caring for your daughters hair I think you are definitely not unreasonable…I would be honest with school though.
I also didn’t know that caring for Afro hair was so involved! ..It must be a huge time and financial cost burden. Six hours! You must really have to like your hairdresser.

KeinLiebeslied54321 · 19/04/2024 14:44

I wouldn't lie, or ask her to have to lie, I would briefly explain why it's important that she gets her hair 'organised' before the trip and that this is the only time you can make it.

wintersgold · 19/04/2024 14:54

Of course it's fine, why would this possibly be a problem? It's one day of school

jumpingoffthemoon · 19/04/2024 14:56

I would just tell them the truth.

It might be worth learning a few easier protective styles yourself in the future though.

Nevermind31 · 19/04/2024 14:56

Normally I would say absolutely not - it’s a hair appointment and not a dentist one.
however, I’m this case it sounds like you have a very good reason

Xmasbaby11 · 19/04/2024 14:58

YANBU, I think that is justified and I'd tell school the truth. It's a one off and only because she got a last minute place on the trip. You are being a responsible parent making sure DD is able to look after herself on the trip.

Kids miss school for a lot of reasons and in this case I think it's acceptable.

Calliopespa · 19/04/2024 15:10

ZipZapZoom · 19/04/2024 11:52

Don't say she's sick just phone the school on Monday and let them know she won't be in today. No need to lie.

I don’t think you can do that?!

Our schools always require a reason.

How long does braiding take OP? Asking because I’d be inclined not to make it the whole day but take her out as for a physio appointment etc.

Ideally it would be nice to tell the truth. However, if they say no you can’t exactly phone back and say “hello, dd now has an orthodontist appointment on Monday at the same time as the braiding we discussed .” So you’ll have to use your judgment. If there are ticks etc where they are going I think it’s legitimately a health issue.

Calliopespa · 19/04/2024 15:16

TinyYellow · 19/04/2024 11:57

Don’t lie, you will just look stupid when your daughter comes into school with newly done hair the next day and it’s not fair to expect her to keep up the lie to her teachers.

I‘m usually very against children being taken out of school when they are well, but I think you have a valid reason here. Some people might try and trivialise it as just hair, but they would be people that have no idea what it’s like to have to manage very curly hair so their opinions are worth nothing.

If you can book an afternoon appointment, just send your dd to school and pick her up early.

Oh good thought about the arrival back at school! 😂Of course they’ll put two and two together! You can’t lie OP: just say it’s a wellbeing issue.

Incidentally when I saw your title I thought of course you can’t take her off school for the hairdresser; but when I read the circumstances I changed my mind.

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 19/04/2024 15:17

KreedKafer · 19/04/2024 13:41

Surely that's only for vomiting and diarrhoea? OP, personally I think it's absolutely fine to keep her off to get her hair braided.

Show quote history

What symptoms would not require a 48 hour exclusion yet be completely absent by the following day? A cold/sore throat etc doesn't just vanish like that.

I personally wouldn't do it, but aged 7 is not exactly a critical school year.