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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my daughter off of school for a hair appointment

142 replies

Melonlove · 19/04/2024 11:48

Hi
My daughter has a 3 days residential trip. We didn’t know about it until 2 days ago as she wanted to go but it was full up and somebody canceled their space opening it up to us. She’s going this coming Wednesday.

She is 7 with very thick and long Afro hair that is very hard to manage and mattes very easily. It’s really impossible to do unless you have experience with it. She can’t yet brush her hair properly or put it up properly. If she didn’t brush her hair for 3 days it would become very tangled and just look a mess. I did ask the school if anybody could help her and they said they’re not allowed to help them with that.

All of the braiders in my area are full this weekend, I’ve tried everyone even out of my town. However one person has an opening for Monday but this would be during school hours.

AIBU if I keep her off on Monday and say she’s sick so she can get her hair braided which will protect it whilst she’s away?

OP posts:
ememem84 · 19/04/2024 12:04

i have no experience of afro hair but know that braiding takes ages. so i'd probably try and get her the latest but earliest appointment you can - if that makes sense - like early afternoon. and pick her up at lunchtime. if it was a dentist apt then you'd collect at lunch and probably wouldn't go back right?

Original poster
Melonlove · 19/04/2024 12:05

Bellaboo01 · 19/04/2024 11:57

I wouldn't bother telling a lie. I would just say your reason.

Out of interest what do you do with her hair normally? Very long, thick afro hair needs lots of care and attention. Even a top knot would help with the knots etc. Our school have a policy whereby hair isnt allowed to be down.

Every night I brush it with lots of leave in conditioner and oil. I do the same in the morning. Her hair is very dry unless moisturised and then a few hours later it’s back to being dry and coarse. So it’s brushed once in the morning and once at night. During the day at school she will have a bun, at night she will have a plait. If I don’t brush it for just one night and try to brush it in the morning it will all be tangled very dry and hurt lots. There was an incident where it wasn’t brushed for a few days as she was sick and when we did brush it it took ages and she was in a lot of pain. Even though we brush it daily it has to be put in to 6 sections (3 each side) to ensure all the tangles are out as it’s just to thick and coarse to brush all together.

To everyone else, I completely forgot about the 48 hour rule. I will just tell them she needs it done.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/04/2024 12:09

Yes I would do this but I would say something non contagious so they don’t query her coming on the trip

LadyDanburysHat · 19/04/2024 12:10

I opened this thinking there is no reason to be off school for a hair appointment, only to read your OP and completely change my mind. 😀

I would see it as vital for her being able to attend the trip, and completely needed. Also find it strange that they will take DC that young on a residential and not help with that kind of thing. Many DC at that age can't handle their hair.

TheValueOfEverything · 19/04/2024 12:20

LadyDanburysHat · 19/04/2024 12:10

I opened this thinking there is no reason to be off school for a hair appointment, only to read your OP and completely change my mind. 😀

I would see it as vital for her being able to attend the trip, and completely needed. Also find it strange that they will take DC that young on a residential and not help with that kind of thing. Many DC at that age can't handle their hair.

My kids have been doing school residential trips since age 7, and I can confirm that they were expected to manage brushing + tying back their own hair, clothes, personal care entirely. And making their beds! Sometimes friends help each other.

Comedycook · 19/04/2024 12:25

My dd also has very thick afro hair and we had to braid it when she went on her residential trip too. She'd have never have managed to do it herself every day. I think you should definitely keep her off so she can attend the appointment but I'd tell the school the truth. You don't want to say she's unwell and then have them questioning whether she's well enough for the trip.

Comedycook · 19/04/2024 12:26

Oh just saw your update...good decision

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 19/04/2024 12:27

OP

Not to worry, just go ahead and do it, ie put your daughter first as one day in the scheme of things is not big event

drawnfrommemory · 19/04/2024 12:30

I would just tell the truth on this one - our school requires evidence of all medical appointments so I couldn't even get away with a vague 'she's got an appointment' explanation.

I think this is all perfectly reasonable given the place on the trip came up last minute so you couldn't have organised a braiding appointment any earlier.

MrsAvocet · 19/04/2024 12:30

Reading the title my first thought was "what, are you mad, of course you shouldn't do that" but I completely changed my mind when I read the actual post. I don't really have any knowledge of your DD's type of hair but I do know that it requires more care than my children's and it was bad enough dealing with my DD's relatively low maintenance long hair when she came back from her first school residential with it full of knots. If school can't help it seems reasonable to take steps to pre empt problems to me.
I would be honest though. When your DD appears with her fabulous new hair do and clearly not at all unwell on Tuesday it will be very awkward for her and I don't think it is fair to ask a child to lie to their teachers no matter how good the reason.
Hope she has a great time on the trip.

PineappleTime · 19/04/2024 12:31

Can't you do some braids that will last 3 days? Not a full head obviously but some box braids? Give her a bonnet to wear at night and they should hold?

StasisMom · 19/04/2024 12:32

Yep but I would tell the truth, I'm very superstitious though so never say people are ill when they aren't!

onwardsup4 · 19/04/2024 12:35

drawnfrommemory · 19/04/2024 12:30

I would just tell the truth on this one - our school requires evidence of all medical appointments so I couldn't even get away with a vague 'she's got an appointment' explanation.

I think this is all perfectly reasonable given the place on the trip came up last minute so you couldn't have organised a braiding appointment any earlier.

Really, for primary ? Ours we can just phone up leave a message on the absence answer phone and don't hear anything about it again!

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/04/2024 12:36

BettyShagter · 19/04/2024 11:55

Tell the truth and drop her back to school after the appointment if there's time.

Otherwise your DD will get dragged into the lies.

This

Our school wants proof of doctor dentist eye app etx

As so many people lie

Sure she can do a half day before /after hair soo

hydriotaphia · 19/04/2024 12:36

I think YAWBU to lie. Making your DD lie would at best be awkward for her, potentially get her in trouble and definitely be a bad example. Ideally, she'd just have messy hair for a couple of days one the trip, and then you or a hairdresser can get it sorted out the following weekend, but if this is going to make her (rather than you) very unhappy then I think take the day off (but be honest with the school).

drawnfrommemory · 19/04/2024 12:38

@onwardsup4 yup - and for anything like a music or dance exam they want evidence.

They also automatically flag you for unauthorised attendance (and fine) if you are off on a day adjacent to a half term/ school holiday (I have absolutely no idea what you would actually do if you were genuinely ill on one of those days!).

skippy67 · 19/04/2024 12:39

Melonlove · 19/04/2024 12:05

Every night I brush it with lots of leave in conditioner and oil. I do the same in the morning. Her hair is very dry unless moisturised and then a few hours later it’s back to being dry and coarse. So it’s brushed once in the morning and once at night. During the day at school she will have a bun, at night she will have a plait. If I don’t brush it for just one night and try to brush it in the morning it will all be tangled very dry and hurt lots. There was an incident where it wasn’t brushed for a few days as she was sick and when we did brush it it took ages and she was in a lot of pain. Even though we brush it daily it has to be put in to 6 sections (3 each side) to ensure all the tangles are out as it’s just to thick and coarse to brush all together.

To everyone else, I completely forgot about the 48 hour rule. I will just tell them she needs it done.

Show quote history

Oil doesn't add moisture to hair quite the opposite in fact.

Sera1989 · 19/04/2024 12:44

I thought you were going to say the appointment is for a trim or a cut and colour, but in this instance I would say it's fine, especially as you raised your concerns to the school and they said they couldn't help. Her hair texture is difficult to manage so the braids are for haircare during and after the trip, not just to look nice

thorneyislanddoris · 19/04/2024 12:44

There's no point lying because seeing her hair braided the next day will be a dead giveaway.

If you have tried every avenue open to you to get an appointment outside school hours, then just tell school she has an appointment. If they ask for more information then tell them it's a welfare issue. That you'd asked for a staff member to help her and been refused.

onwardsup4 · 19/04/2024 12:45

@drawnfrommemory I see, right on it aren't they. We get away very lightly then!

toastandtwo · 19/04/2024 12:45

Agree tell the truth! I’m a TA with lots of kids with Afro hair in my class and I always notice when someone has had new braids done (just as I do when kids with non afro hair come in with a new cut or style). Obviously it being a Monday she could’ve had it done over the weekend, but it will be simpler all round to just be honest.

LimeSweet · 19/04/2024 12:46

I would be honest. Your reason is acceptable and you have had no notice.

AgentJohnson · 19/04/2024 12:46

Go to YouTube and look up protective styles. Taking a day off for a hair appointment is ridiculous.

AgentJohnson · 19/04/2024 12:49

I know people mean well but making it out to an ‘inclusive’ necessity, is crazy..

Bunnycat101 · 19/04/2024 12:49

I’d be honest as well but perhaps try and get an afternoon appointment so you can at least do morning registration. I opened this expecting to say you were being unreasonable but I think you’re putting your daughter first and prioritising her care so it feels like a very legitimate reason to me especially if she’s not going to get much help with her hair while away.