Page 15 | Rude or polite

Dullardmullard · 2024-04-18T11:08:41+00:00

I told him no context is a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested. no meant I wasn’t interested no meant no I stand by my no, but some friends/colleagues said I was rude and I don’t think I was. ive said not interested in the past and got abused verbally. I normally have my headphones in but I forgot them this morning

ManchesterBeatrice · 18/04/2024 18:36

Whether you WERE rude or not, there's no doubt in my mind from this thread that you ARE rude.

PoppyCherryDog · 18/04/2024 18:37

AE9766 · 18/04/2024 13:20

Maybe you could have written it a bit more eloquently if you want people to "understand"?

Show quote history

😂

BrieHugger · 18/04/2024 18:37

Anotherparkingthread · 18/04/2024 18:22

I don't think op was rude. I'd have replied the same way.

I honestly don't care if a stranger is having a heart attack, lost his dog or wants my phone number the answer is the same. Why would I hear somebody out they have nothing I want and or I'm willing to give. Waste of both of our times.

Politeness can get you killed. There's nothing wrong with saying 'no' and the sooner everybody accepts that the safer the world becomes for women.

I genuinely feel sad for you, what a way to see life. It is not normal to feel like that and I hope you’re ok.

inthekyoo · 18/04/2024 18:37

FrangipaniBlue · 18/04/2024 18:31

You think you have nothing to give when someone is having a heart attack???

Show quote history

This. How utterly stupid and selfish can a human person become. Rock bottom.

PoppyCherryDog · 18/04/2024 18:37

I think you were rude. And you’re demonstrating your rudeness on this thread too.

SerafinasGoose · 18/04/2024 18:37

WoolySnail · 18/04/2024 18:15

But she doesn't think she was rude and own it. She didn’t think she was rude, asked people at work who told her she was, then came on here to be told by several others that she WAS rude and has continued to argue she wasn't.

Show quote history

Well, quite.

I think that in a roundabout way, that was the point I was making. As well as the point I made in another post about social conditioning.

'Rude' and 'selfish' are both censorious accusations carrying certain social connotations when it comes to women in particular. And all of them have very black and white implications as to what it says about someone's character. (Cf. the responses to OP upthread). There'll undeniably be exceptions to the rule, but I doubt many people are rude all the time, or go about deliberately getting their jollies by being as rude as they can to as many people as they can.

If I'm inadvertently or unconsciously rude and that fact is pointed out to me, I'll apologise. As far as Random Man or chugger approaches are concerned, I'm unashamedly and knowingly rude - I won't even acknowledge them in some situations - and make no apologies for it.

I'm with the PP upthread who can't figure out why on earth someone would ask for endorsement or otherwise from online strangers about their manners. We are sentient adults, FGS. Not least, these threads never end well. But it's an interesting insight into how women often view, censor and police other women's behaviour.

When it boils down to it, who does this benefit - really?

IMO a lot of the PPs upthread could really do to have a read of Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear.

tiredandabitfat · 18/04/2024 18:38

Bloody hell @Dullardmullard

Get your head out your arse and listen to what people are saying.

It's YOU who isn't comprehending.

At the point he said "excuse me" you DID NOT know that that he was trying to hit on you.

As you keep saying, he came back and said you could have just said that you weren't interested.

You didn't know that at the time.

You were saying "no" to any sort of interaction with him.

As one human being to another, that is really fucking rude, and the fact you can't see that speaks volumes.

Icantbedoingwithit · 18/04/2024 18:38

Anotherparkingthread · 18/04/2024 18:22

I don't think op was rude. I'd have replied the same way.

I honestly don't care if a stranger is having a heart attack, lost his dog or wants my phone number the answer is the same. Why would I hear somebody out they have nothing I want and or I'm willing to give. Waste of both of our times.

Politeness can get you killed. There's nothing wrong with saying 'no' and the sooner everybody accepts that the safer the world becomes for women.

That’s just very sad. I literally cannot imagine going through life with an attitude like that. If one of your loved ones was having a heart attack in the street you wouldn’t expect anyone to help him because they are female? Nuts.

bingobanjo · 18/04/2024 18:39

AE9766 · 18/04/2024 17:56

You know, I've been thinking about your (utterly ridiculous) response all afternoon.

It looks to me as if you're saying that another woman can't disagree with you on an issue of womens' rights (if this is loosely what this would fall under), and if they do dare to disagree, they must be accused of being a man, or an incel.

That's not very feminist of you, is it? A woman not allowed to hold a different opinion?

I, as a woman, disagree with you about something another woman did, as do most people on the thread. I think the OP was rude. Again, so do most of the respondents. Are you saying that we should not, and because we are also women we must agree with you?

Show quote history

It’s feeling the need to comment 18 times, starting with OP being arrogant, thinking she’s “all that”, and she can’t be that special because she takes the bus. It’s saying poor man over and over and repeatedly referring to female this and female that, without saying male once. It’s hoping her dress was tucked into her knickers. It’s saying you “can’t bear” women who xyz. Talking about a woman being unintelligent, unobservant, arrogant, ridiculous, thick, man-hating feminists, having agendas, being batshit crazy. Loving a comment suggesting OP was assumed to be a prostitute.

I have no issue with women disagreeing with my point of view and that’s “clearly” a ridiculous assumption, as you would say. Even if OP was rude, I don’t understand why her not speaking to this “poor bloke” would fill you with such hateful burning outrage.

kindlyensure · 18/04/2024 18:40

To be fair to the OP - it was the bloke who said 'could of'. She was just reporting back.... right, OP 😉?

"You could of said I'm not interested"

That alone is probably enough to justify the OP's response, tbh

daisychain01 · 18/04/2024 18:40

YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog · 18/04/2024 18:35

OP wanted a man bashing thread.

Show quote history

Yup, so all the man haters can come out and be cheer leaders to this tripe.

it is really pathetic.

YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog · 18/04/2024 18:40

SerafinasGoose · 18/04/2024 18:37

Well, quite.

I think that in a roundabout way, that was the point I was making. As well as the point I made in another post about social conditioning.

'Rude' and 'selfish' are both censorious accusations carrying certain social connotations when it comes to women in particular. And all of them have very black and white implications as to what it says about someone's character. (Cf. the responses to OP upthread). There'll undeniably be exceptions to the rule, but I doubt many people are rude all the time, or go about deliberately getting their jollies by being as rude as they can to as many people as they can.

If I'm inadvertently or unconsciously rude and that fact is pointed out to me, I'll apologise. As far as Random Man or chugger approaches are concerned, I'm unashamedly and knowingly rude - I won't even acknowledge them in some situations - and make no apologies for it.

I'm with the PP upthread who can't figure out why on earth someone would ask for endorsement or otherwise from online strangers about their manners. We are sentient adults, FGS. Not least, these threads never end well. But it's an interesting insight into how women often view, censor and police other women's behaviour.

When it boils down to it, who does this benefit - really?

IMO a lot of the PPs upthread could really do to have a read of Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear.

Edited

Show quote history

OP asked, posters answered.

I thought she was rude.

PrestonHood121 · 18/04/2024 18:41

Nobody would have blinked if a man had acted like this. You weren't rude - you don't owe anybody a response if you don't feel like it. If you had said "not interested" people would have still found a way to call you rude.

5128gap · 18/04/2024 18:42

AE9766 · 18/04/2024 17:56

You know, I've been thinking about your (utterly ridiculous) response all afternoon.

It looks to me as if you're saying that another woman can't disagree with you on an issue of womens' rights (if this is loosely what this would fall under), and if they do dare to disagree, they must be accused of being a man, or an incel.

That's not very feminist of you, is it? A woman not allowed to hold a different opinion?

I, as a woman, disagree with you about something another woman did, as do most people on the thread. I think the OP was rude. Again, so do most of the respondents. Are you saying that we should not, and because we are also women we must agree with you?

Show quote history

Of course, women can disagree with each other, and of course feminists can disagree with each other. But what feminists do all tend to agree on is putting the needs of women (not men) front and centre. (If they don't agree with that, then they are not feminists by definition, because that's what the movement is for.)
Given that, feminists cannot possibly support every view expressed by a woman just because they're a woman, because sometimes women say things that are against feminist principles. You, for example state you are a woman, yet have on this thread across various posts, called another woman thick, criticised her SPAG in an attempt to humiliate her, likened her to Vicky Pollard and responded LOL to another poster who suggested she was mistaken for a sex worker. You, while claiming to be a woman, did all of these things, for no other reason than to defend a man you have never met who the OP said no to. In your passion to defend this man you have bullied and shamed another woman, behaviour no feminist would indulge in. And it is that nit any disagreement about whether OP was rude, that has led some of us to doubt you are a woman at all. Because I for one am struggling to see why someone with no skin in the game would have such an extreme emotional and vitriolic response to this.

inthekyoo · 18/04/2024 18:42

Dullardmullard · 18/04/2024 13:17

What part he said you could said I'm not interested didn’t you understand in my first post

Edited

Show quote history

I had to read your sentences several times, but still confused. What are you on about? Please check your writing. As it is now at least you don’t have to worry about a man picking you for your intelligence.

YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog · 18/04/2024 18:43

PrestonHood121 · 18/04/2024 18:41

Nobody would have blinked if a man had acted like this. You weren't rude - you don't owe anybody a response if you don't feel like it. If you had said "not interested" people would have still found a way to call you rude.

Of course they would. You are just making things up. If a man said no to excuse me I would have said he was rude.

Persephonegoddess · 18/04/2024 18:43

Clearly by his response, he was creeping or flirting so 'No' is a perfectly reasonable way to shut down unwanted attention. It was not rude.'

LBFseBrom · 18/04/2024 18:47

Bluevelvetsofa · 18/04/2024 12:11

Not sure whether you’re rude or not. If someone nearby said ‘excuse me’, I’d probably wait to hear what they wanted. You didn’t.

That's what I thought.

SerafinasGoose · 18/04/2024 18:47

5128gap · 18/04/2024 18:42

Of course, women can disagree with each other, and of course feminists can disagree with each other. But what feminists do all tend to agree on is putting the needs of women (not men) front and centre. (If they don't agree with that, then they are not feminists by definition, because that's what the movement is for.)
Given that, feminists cannot possibly support every view expressed by a woman just because they're a woman, because sometimes women say things that are against feminist principles. You, for example state you are a woman, yet have on this thread across various posts, called another woman thick, criticised her SPAG in an attempt to humiliate her, likened her to Vicky Pollard and responded LOL to another poster who suggested she was mistaken for a sex worker. You, while claiming to be a woman, did all of these things, for no other reason than to defend a man you have never met who the OP said no to. In your passion to defend this man you have bullied and shamed another woman, behaviour no feminist would indulge in. And it is that nit any disagreement about whether OP was rude, that has led some of us to doubt you are a woman at all. Because I for one am struggling to see why someone with no skin in the game would have such an extreme emotional and vitriolic response to this.

Show quote history

👏👏👏

Persephonegoddess · 18/04/2024 18:48

Or he could have been selling or begging..... so also not rude in those contex

neonjumper · 18/04/2024 18:49

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time .
I know exactly how you feel . Saying no makes it clear you want no engagement in whatever it us they are going to launch into.
Why should you have to absorb someone's message out of politeness and then tell them no .
I think you were pretty brave and boundaried to halt any unnecessary engagement.

Persephonegoddess · 18/04/2024 18:52

To clarify, if he was flirting, creeping, selling or begging then you were not rude, if you don't know what he wanted then you were.... his actions along with 'excuse me' are very relevant

pictoosh · 18/04/2024 18:53

Why should you have to absorb someone's message out of politeness and then tell them no .

Well technically you don't have to but most of us agree it's best to check before being an unmitigated twat.

Eta: It's not about his feelings but OP's dignity, ie, it says more about her than him.

Maggiethecat · 18/04/2024 18:53

I think that the OP is being disingenuous; she could easily have provided a bit of context to the situation for example he was soliciting signing up for a charity or some such.
She’s left people to guess at the reason he approached her and a lot of people have guessed that he was trying to pick her up, which may be far from the truth.
I reckon she’s a bit bored with her life and just wanted to stir things up a bit on a good old mumsnet!

Livingtothefull · 18/04/2024 18:59

5128gap · 18/04/2024 18:42

Of course, women can disagree with each other, and of course feminists can disagree with each other. But what feminists do all tend to agree on is putting the needs of women (not men) front and centre. (If they don't agree with that, then they are not feminists by definition, because that's what the movement is for.)
Given that, feminists cannot possibly support every view expressed by a woman just because they're a woman, because sometimes women say things that are against feminist principles. You, for example state you are a woman, yet have on this thread across various posts, called another woman thick, criticised her SPAG in an attempt to humiliate her, likened her to Vicky Pollard and responded LOL to another poster who suggested she was mistaken for a sex worker. You, while claiming to be a woman, did all of these things, for no other reason than to defend a man you have never met who the OP said no to. In your passion to defend this man you have bullied and shamed another woman, behaviour no feminist would indulge in. And it is that nit any disagreement about whether OP was rude, that has led some of us to doubt you are a woman at all. Because I for one am struggling to see why someone with no skin in the game would have such an extreme emotional and vitriolic response to this.

Show quote history

100% this.

'Batshit! If you were a bar of chocolate you’d eat yourself'

'What possessed you to write such a weird f*cking post'

'OP wanted a man bashing thread'

'... ”could of” does make me judge a person strongly. Sorry. It’s just awful.'

These posts say it all. And on a thread where posters presume to lecture the OP on the importance of not being rude.

Incidentally the last one about grammar made me wince. Grammar comes more easily to some people than others; but I do not consider it an excuse for not listening to or respecting what someone has to say.

And I have to state that the idea that the OP should have just said she was not interested, made me laugh. Of course as we all know an 'I'm not interested' is invariably accepted and respected by a man, and never leads to a negative reaction.