Rude or polite

[Dullardmullard]

I told him no

context is
a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

no meant I wasn’t interested
no meant no

I stand by my no, but some friends/colleagues said I was rude and I don’t think I was.

ive said not interested in the past and got abused verbally.

I normally have my headphones in but I forgot them this morning

Nope. Not rude at all. I usually don’t even give them eye contact.

Left McDonalds a few days ago and a man walked past me, slowed down to walk next to me and started saying something (couldn’t really understand anyway). I kept on walking and had straight tunnel vision. He walked off, looked back and said, ‘I live in your estate, I’m trying to talk to you and you’re ignoring me.’ And walked off shaking his head.

You know straight off the bat what their goal is. You know from their body language, the way they approach you and so many other things. I don’t even give them a no, just ignore. Whenever I’ve spoken, I’ve always received a load of abuse too OP.

Can’t believe some people are saying, ‘you should have waited to see what he wanted.’ If any of you are parents, I hope you don’t give the same advice to your daughters (regardless of their age!)

A bit rude, yes.
If your friends pointed this out then you probably don't need to ask.

Can’t believe some people are saying, ‘you should have waited to see what he wanted.’ If any of you are parents, I hope you don’t give the same advice to your daughters (regardless of their age!)

She literally said "no" at someone saying "excuse me" to her.
Your situation just doesn't sound comparable, if someone is giving off weird body language vibes or whatever, you trust your gut and just carry on walking by.
OP doesn't sound anything like that though.

Incidentally the last one about grammar made me wince. Grammar comes more easily to some people than others; but I do not consider it an excuse for not listening to or respecting what someone has to say.

It's the sort of ableist BS - the smug variety at that - which too-often infests MN these days.

Dyslexia is a real and not uncommon issue and says absolutely nothing about the writer's intelligence. On the contrary, some of the dyslexic people I work with are amongst the brightest.

Putting people down to make a cheap point never reflects particularly well on the person doing the 'correcting'. Because that's exactly what it looks like. Small-minded, and cheap.

What is it with all the weird replies saying you should have heard him out? I also cut them off and say 'no, sorry'. It stops the spiel and moral pressure - and it's always to give cash.

I've been conned a few times and this is the best way - you have to look after yourself.

FWIW I don’t think you were rude, in spite of what so many posters are saying it’s self protection sometimes to not engage with strangers, mostly men.

I bet this conversation isn’t being had by a man somewhere wondering if he was rude! I also bet he didn’t approach a man to ask whatever.

I had a similar scenario once, approached by a man/teenager and I said ‘no’ instantly, he said ‘you don’t know what I’m going to say’ but I did, I probably looked like I didn’t have street smarts but he was wrong, I’d lived in London for years and could spot trouble a mile off. he wanted something from me and I wasn’t interested so he got shirty but that wasn’t my problem.go and ask a man, not me.

It is hard to walk by when you are standing/sitting at the bus stop.

A little story: I was in a shop, a man came up to me: 'Excuse me'. Me: 'What?' Can I ask you something?' 'Yes, what?' 'Would you take your knickers down for me?'

I was 12. This was in the 80s. I told my grandma (a woman with exquisite manners) and she said that if anyone approaches me again to just get away from them and not engage or care about being rude. It's a shame that the children of some posters might not be getting sound advice like this even in the 2020s.

OP said that she didn’t like his body language. It doesn’t really make sense that she should have responded ‘yes’ to his question or listen to what he had to say. Regardless of what he wanted, the OP wasn’t interested and there’s nothing wrong with that. OP trusted her gut and was right to shut him down

I think I would have wondered what he wanted, and heard him out, but @Dullardmullard YANBU to do what you want. If you don't want to engage with ANYone, that's up to you. You don't owe a strange random man a conversation or a response. And him coming back to you was odd. You weren't behaving like men think women should behave. (Polite and subservient.) And he couldn't take it.

How do some people cope with everyday life?

It is normal to interact with other humans. If you are out socialising and a man looks at you or smiles at you innocently do some of you say NO in his face?

I'm not even sure OP is young and pretty. I'm sure she said she was a Grandma on another thread. She may be gorgeous but to assume she is being hit on my a man saying excuse me is just weird.

@ButterflyKu That's right, best ignore from the get-go.

OP wasn't socialising, the man wasn't 'smiling innocently' and you don't have to be young or pretty to be harassed.

A lot of men don't like hearing the word NO from a woman, so they construe it as rude. But rude, like greed, can be good.

Op your question doesn’t really help us to help you.
If he just said to you ‘excuse me’. why would you just say ‘no’
Maybe you are getting a kick out of the attention you are getting from us.

But she is not a mind reader so can't have known that...?

He said excuse me. Not Hello, Sugar Tits.

Crikey!
What is wrong with you? Do you really think that everyone is out to kill you?

The world is divided into people who assume the worst of anyone they meet and those who don't.

I count myself as someone who doesn't.

Unsurprisingly, I meet very few people who are rude to me. I am polite, but assertive and I think I'm pretty good at giving out a "don't mess with me" vibe.

It's women who are saying she was rude. Even though other posters assume if you don't agree you are a man pretending to be a woman.

It's not normal to say no to a man if he says excuse me.

I don't even care if that's what some people do but OP asked if it was rude and some posters thought it was.

We can argue till the cows come home but I think it's rude.

But she couldn't have known that before saying no. Very rude

My vote is you were rude initially, and not sure why he came back to check given your rudeness.

No, she’s just expecting a higher level of reading comprehension than, sadly, can reasonably be expected of most MNers.

He was trying to chat her up. She realised this before he actually managed to get a question out and shut him down. He responded by coming back and telling her off. Because he’s an entitled arse who thinks women minding their own business at a bus stop should be foils to boost his ego.

As PPs have pointed out, the context can be inferred from the way he came back and told her how she should have turned his advances down.

OP’s friends thought she was rude to shut him down brusquely rather than spending her time hearing him out and turning him down “nicely”. OP thinks “No” is just as good as “I’m not interested.” in the context and has had that suggested response end in abuse anyway. She asks if she is being unreasonable.

How did she know he was trying to chat her up?

What a delightful person you are. So u just cut someone off and say no even if someone is ill

Better hope you don't fall over , have a medical incident etc and get treated the way you treat others

Because if you are a woman who has experienced it multiple times, you know its coming. Men don't just turn the corner, march up and speak as soon as they spot you in the way they would if they're looking for someone (anyone) to ask the time/directions/help in an emergency. They clock you, look you up and down, stare a little, try to catch your eye, and then if you haven't met their eye go in with the 'excuse me' thing. There's also a tone to it that is different from casual queries about when the next bus is, or urgent ones like 'can you phone an ambulance'. Basically if you've seen it, you know it when you see it again, and I'm really shocked so many apparant women need it explaining to them, or imagine there's any doubt about it when it's happening.

OP didn't say he did any of these things. She said he said excuse me. I've seen you on many threads and I get you are a serious feminist and do not not trust men.

I'm intelligent and have some experience in men not behaving great. However, I honestly don't get what the fuss is about with a man saying excuse me.

I can remember being in clubs when I was younger and telling men to fuck off for being annoying. A man saying excuse me at a bus stop wouldn't make me say no. I would wait for what he had to say. The same as if a woman said excuse me.