Rude or polite

[Dullardmullard]

I told him no

context is
a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

no meant I wasn’t interested
no meant no

I stand by my no, but some friends/colleagues said I was rude and I don’t think I was.

ive said not interested in the past and got abused verbally.

I normally have my headphones in but I forgot them this morning

But she doesn't think she was rude and own it. She didn’t think she was rude, asked people at work who told her she was, then came on here to be told by several others that she WAS rude and has continued to argue she wasn't.

This. You seem deliberately obtuse and obnoxious, but I'm sure in your head you're irresistible to strangers everywhere......

I don't think op was rude. I'd have replied the same way.

I honestly don't care if a stranger is having a heart attack, lost his dog or wants my phone number the answer is the same. Why would I hear somebody out they have nothing I want and or I'm willing to give. Waste of both of our times.

Politeness can get you killed. There's nothing wrong with saying 'no' and the sooner everybody accepts that the safer the world becomes for women.

The question isn't whether you were rude or polite. You were rude and you know that. You wanted to be rude and you were.
The question is whether or not you were justified in being rude.
The answer is no, you weren't.

It is understood that you don't want to be creeped on by random men while you're minding your own business. Few women enjoy such intrusions.

However, to assume every man who approaches you is on the make, to the point of such aggression, is outlandish.

Not the end of the world but as you're asking, it's a bit nutso on your part.
If you don't care, fine.

She’s entitled to protect herself from the risk of being harassed. To not take the risk that it’s going to turn into something bigger. Shutting things down immediately and not giving the impression of being open to looking after a man’s feelings is generally a better approach than being open and “nice”.

People give off cues before they speak. Who they choose to approach given those around, the way they look at you, the way they stand. And when they speak their facial expression and intonation say at least as much as their words. OP read the situation, correctly as it turns out, and made her own judgement and you’re blaming her for not being open to harassment “just in case”.

That’s kind of misogynistic.

I know women are socially programmed to do this, but it would be really good if we could stop and if one of the few forums dominated by women could not be part of that pressure to put men’s feelings first despite their lack of care for our own.

Oh look OP - you've got a pal! 👀

It is understood that you don't want to be creeped on by random men while you're minding your own business. Few women enjoy such intrusions
However, to assume every man who approaches you is on the make, to the point of such aggression, is outlandish

This

I don't think being rather abrupt with a random man on the street precludes being a decent person.

Being a woman isn't a get out clause for being a dickhead towards people'. I think that women as a class are not the ones generally associated with dickhead behaviour. That would be, er, another group?

Still, I understand from this thread that the word 'no' is unduly harsh and can come across as rude, at any rate when a woman says it. It is important to carefully prioritise the feelings of said random man.

Agree.

I also think it off that some posters think it would have been perfectly ok for him to try to chat her up when she didn’t want to be bothered.

No.

Well in response to your question I think we can rule out the polite.

Are you routinely approached by men? are you especially attractive? This shouldnt be a reason but sadly it is...Do you dress in a way that some men assume is you on the hunt? Maybe you've been pestered alot by men before so maybe your experience has led you to be this way. It's hard to say without more context.

Overall from your responses i am wondering why you have asked as you seem to feel vindicated already.

I honestly don't care if a stranger is having a heart attack, lost his dog or wants my phone number the answer is the same

Christ.

This ^

OP is probably rude to women too.

“Could of” is a very basic error that does grate.

Like when people say “ I gave him free reign”

It does cause people to inwardly wince.😬

Very rude. What if you were standing in his foot or he needed to slip past you. Listen first to what he politely asked about

No means no if you in danger of being raped.

you don't really need to over-egg the pudding from a stranger at the bus stop. It isn't necessary.

You think you have nothing to give when someone is having a heart attack???

When you said "no", you had no idea what he wanted. That is what is rude, to not give another human being the courtesy of listening to them for a few seconds before dismissing them. What he said afterwards does not matter on bit. It is not a hard thing to grasp. However, judging by how charmingly you come across on your posts, I'd say the bloke had a lucky escape, anyway.

I'm with the OP. No doesn't have to be handed out with kindness. She doesn't owe men her attention.

Batshit! If you were a bar of chocolate you’d eat yourself. 😂

This
😥
I'm so fucking glad not everyone's like that poster when a very close family member collapsed whilst out with his heart a while back.
These threads just makes you despair for the human race, when in reality people are usually lovely.

It was rude, obviously...

What possessed you to write such a weird f*cking post 😂

Think she would notice if she was standing on his foot at a bus stop where he approached her.

OP wanted a man bashing thread.

English is not even my second or third language, but ”could of” does make me judge a person strongly. 😂 Sorry. It’s just awful.

If I, as a foreigner, had to learn your language at school - surely you had to learn basic grammatics yourselves?