Rude or polite

[Dullardmullard]

I told him no

context is
a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

no meant I wasn’t interested
no meant no

I stand by my no, but some friends/colleagues said I was rude and I don’t think I was.

ive said not interested in the past and got abused verbally.

I normally have my headphones in but I forgot them this morning

I mean, if he had of been asking the time & you just said ‘no.’ You would have looked like a right dick 😂 you must think highly of yourself to assume any man approaching you was going to ask you out! Fair enough on this occasion you were right, but it was rude when you had no idea what he was going to say.

Excuse me?
No.
= Rude.

Excuse me?
Yes?
Would you like to go out sometime?
No.
= Not rude

context is
a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

@Dullardmullard There is no context here. I have read all of your posts and you haven't explained yourself at all.

You don't know what he wanted. You were at a bus stop. He might have wanted to know when the next bus was or whether the number 33 stopped there.

Your colleagues are right - you were very rude.

When someone says "excuse me" they don't expect someone to shut them down with a flat "no".

Would you have said no if a woman had said exceuse me to you? Why do you assume he was hitting on you.

Something is amiss here.

Given there are so many sticklers for politeness on this thread, it is remarkable how much rudeness is being directed at the Op.

I don’t understand the need to be so rude
In the first place

I think coming back to to say you could of just said your not interested was a polite way of pointing out how rude you were

Usually when you are rude, people’s reactions are usually rude too 🤷‍♀️
You can’t call people dense for asking further questions and expect polite responses

Here’s the rude response, ladies and gentlemen.

No it's not. It's the case that men routinely try to treat women like this and they aren't owed attention because they demand it.

Do you also think that only conventionally attractive women are ever raped? Or do you accept that power, strength and entitlement might be at play in violence against women?

This.

I use the same tactic when approached by salespeople and chuggers in the street. A blunt ‘no’ in response to their cheery ‘how are you today, madam?’ I’m not mean (I don’t think)… I just use my life experience to avoid unwelcome male interruptions.

I would never do it to a woman or child.

@Dullardmullard ignore the haters - well done on having boundaries. You don’t owe random man nice.

Looking at your responses on this thread, manners are not your forte, and something you clearly struggle with in day to day dialogue. Every single response you have made to this thread has been impolite. Do you notice that people tell you quite often that you’re rude? Maybe they call it obnoxious, arrogant, fiery, standoffish…

You accuse people here of being stupid but you asked if you were rude and they have confirmed that you were. What more do you want?

You had no idea what the man wanted when he approached you- it was your ego that assumed he wanted to ask for your number or whatever you thought (you haven’t actually said). You still don’t know what he actually wanted to ask of you.

I don't get why pp are asking for context.
Context 'A' asking to sign a petition.

Context 'B' there has been a terrible accident and he needs someone to call the emergency services.

Now using the context clues the OP has put in post, considering this person had the time and arrogance to come back later and start another conversation, that basically meant- how dare you think that not giving me all you time and attention was an option.

Anyone who has basic respect for other ppl and themselves, would accept the 'no' and move on, or be sensible enough to decide they don't want to waste their time on a random person who said no.

YANBU

Yes. It's crass.

Clearly, different people have different interpretations of the word 'rude', or sense that in some situations rudeness might actually be the advisable response. Or, indeed, that one rude response amounts to a rude person.

It's all rather lacking in nuance.

But 'correcting' others' grammar and spelling, especially when your own is not 100% accurate, is never other than a dick move and isn't quite the gotchya the grammar pedants think it is. It doesn't make you appear more intelligent. Nor does it make your particular side of any argument the more persuasive. In fact, it undermines it to the tune of 'is that the best you've got?'

It's fooling no one and just makes you look a dick.

I am happy with my intelligence but I am always grateful if I do make an error and it is pointed out. We can all learn. Nothing wrong with having standards.

You know, I've been thinking about your (utterly ridiculous) response all afternoon.

It looks to me as if you're saying that another woman can't disagree with you on an issue of womens' rights (if this is loosely what this would fall under), and if they do dare to disagree, they must be accused of being a man, or an incel.

That's not very feminist of you, is it? A woman not allowed to hold a different opinion?

I, as a woman, disagree with you about something another woman did, as do most people on the thread. I think the OP was rude. Again, so do most of the respondents. Are you saying that we should not, and because we are also women we must agree with you?

OK, I have not RTFT so I'm not sure which way the wind is blowing on this one, but I think you trusted your instincts and they were right.

A genuine 'ask the timer' 'could you tell me the way to-er' etc would have clocked your initial reaction and thought 'oops, shouldn't have done that' and retreated pdq.

Your man came back. Crucial bit of info there - creepy and unwanted.

You did the right thing.

How do you know he wasn't going to ask directions

Rude.
He hadn't even said anything apart from "excuse me"
What were you saying no at? Someone daring to speak to you?

A really scruffy looking bloke came up to me in the street a few weeks ago and said "excuse me" I nearly brushed him off as i thought he was going to ask for money but I said "yes" and he said "you've dropped your bank card" and handed it back to me. He didn't ask for anything, got a very grateful response from me and basically saved me a lot of problems.

Don't brush someone off until you know what they want OP

Yeah rude! and pretty rude on here too tbh

Want to see the social conditioning of women in action?

Read upthread.

B-b-b-b-ut -- just Be Kiiiiind!

I never quite understand these posts.

OP posts a question in AIBU. Gets some responses saying she was. 'No I wasn't'. I don't know if you were rude or not, but I've no idea why you even asked. I don't understand the need to rush to MN to ask something like this anyway.

Going by your responses on here it seems he dodged a bullet. Do you always assume that the first thing men want is a date/leg over?

I personally think it’s rude.

Like if it was one of those charity people, I’d say “sorry I’m in a rush” or “I can’t stop sorry” or simply “no thank you”

manners cost nothing

He may have confirmed his intentions by coming back the second time, but there is no way from his initial approach that you could have known that- so yes you were rude, but I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear it despite colleagues and several posters pointing out why, after YOU asked the question. If you think you were right and refuse to even consider a different view point suggesting you weren't, why bother asking?

YANBU No is absolutely a complete sentence. He can Google bus times, he can take the money you dropped, you don't have to interact with any strange man if you don't want to.

Nothing to do with "social conditioning" FFS
It's called just generally being a decent person and not an arse to people for no reason.
Being a woman isn't a get out clause for being a dickhead towards people 🙄