Large sum of money being given to sibling

[Zippy27]

To set the scene: there is a 12 year age gap between myself and my brother; I am the older sibling. My brother has had a lot of help financially with uni costs (I didn't go) including rent. I was given 5k from my parents for my wedding 14 years ago. However, my brother's rented accommodation has recently been put up for sale and the landlord has offered it to him to buy. He will have a mortgage but it turns out my parents will give him 90k for the deposit. When I say give, I do mean give - not a loan, they won't own part of the house - he is just being given it. It is half of their 180k savings. Both parents are retired. I have been told that when they make a will, it will state that myself and my brother will have half each of what they have BUT it will be stipulated that I will get 90k before the rest is divided up. However, as this may well be in 20 years' time, this doesn't seem at all fair to me. Who knows what their financial situation will be by then. My Dad justifies it by saying that they weren't in a financial position to give me that sort of money when my husband and I bought our house, which I'm sure is true, but surely this is still grossly unfair? We're not exactly living in a mansion and the house we have lived in for over 10 years still needs a new bathroom amongst other things. Would anyone else by severely pied off in this situation? My Dad explained that it isn't because my brother is "the favourite" (he is and always has been) but because he is "high maintenance". I am so hurt, angry and disappointed that I haven't spoken to or messaged my parents or brother since I was told about this 5 or 6 weeks ago. For context, my parents live across the road. They don't even give enough of a sh to contact me and find out why I have stopped visiting (probably because they know). Would anyone else be upset by this situation?

It’s their money, let them do what they want with it and stop being so grabby.. Not a good look love.,

Exactly my point.

Not a court in the land will say her parents must treat their kids equally.

Not a court in the land will say she has to visit them and help them.

Not a court in the land will say she has to live within 10 hours of them.

Not a court in the land will say my husband and I need to show each other affection.

If you limit your family relationships to only what courts will enforce, life's going to be pretty shit.

If parents come on here to complain in a few years time about how they're old, frail and their daughter is refusing to visit and help, I trust you'll be on here (hopefully with a less cringey username) posting "It’s her time, let her do what she wants with it and stop being so grabby.. Not a good look love"

The patronising "love" followed up by calling her a cow? You don't like women, do you?

I love them, Just not grabby ones..

People seem to be missing that this isn't just about the money.

I suspect they know that really - god knows, OP has stated it clearly enough. Some people just love either putting the boot in, or showing off how very virtuous/reasonable/unworldly they and their children are.

So you find a woman who has supported herself by working, including whilst studying and paying her parents rent, and never asked for financial handouts "grabby".
Whereas the brother who has repeatedly accepted tens of thousands of his parents' money perfectly acceptable.
And you think it's unreasonable for the OP to feel upset and hurt by the different treatment the parents have shown over many years between her and her sibling, clearly favouring the brother.
That makes her a grabby cow, does it love?

The poster is clearly projecting. He's most likely like the brother in the OPs scenario.

@Teenylittlefella
I would just like to say, as a word of warning, that in my opinion this idea you have is extremely hurtful and while you may feel that it's the best way, and your other children may assure you, multiple times that they understand, and that they don't mind, in their hearts they will mind and will care.
You can't just magic away someone's disability, and make it as if they didn't have one, as much as you would want to. I 'm sorry to say but growing up, the invisible, often deliberately hidden disadvantages and struggles the other siblings face from growing up in a family with someone who requires constant adaptations and adjustments are often overlooked.

Help all your children equally to the best of your ability, throughout your lifetime and in your will. remember that your children who are able, may decide to hide their struggles from you because you have your hands full.

I am fortunate enough that I don't need the help of my parents. My brother is in a different place, I wouldn't begrudge him or my parents if they wanted to help him out especially if it meant keeping a roof over his head, however much they decide that will cost. I wouldn't expect to receive the same in return because I don't need it. So yes, I think my parents are entitled to treat me differently when it comes to their money whilst they are still alive and fit to make use of it themselves. The OP has already said they are going to be treated fairly when it comes to inheritance.

Thank you!

This sounds a lot like what a lot of people have mentioned on here though. That they were told that their share of the will would be reduced but it actually wasn't.

You have told your youngest son he will get less in the will. Have you actually made a will and actioned it?

I've seen him around other threads, he most certainly doesn't have a PhD.

Perhaps because between you and your partner you earn 100k+ and are on your second step of the property ladder - and the brother earns 20k ish and couldn't get a mortgage on a shoe box. Just a wild guess.

Doesn’t matter what she has done before. She’s posting on the internet she’s upset her parents won’t give her their hard earned money. It doesn’t matter what they do with it

@Winter2020 So he is being rewarded because he can't be bothered to work his way up the career ladder and save for longer like DH did?

He is more than capable of doing something that earns more money but doesn't want any responsibility.

Do you honestly think that just giving him £65k is a good move? What message does that send about 'working hard to get on the property ladder?'

Let alone about fairness between siblings.

I think that the parents can now sleep easy knowing that both children are housed. Which was probably their motivation for helping rather than trying to send any "messages".

Yes. We changed our will once we'd transferred him the money.

Alanis Morisette, if you're reading this thread, this poster's username is a great example of irony.

'Doesn’t matter what she has done before. She’s posting on the internet she’s upset her parents won’t give her their hard earned money. It doesn’t matter what they do with it'

No, she's posting on the Internet that she's upset her parents are giving her hapless mollycoddled brother a massive wodge amd she may or may not get similar in years to come.

Give both the same now, or don't give either anything. Siblings should be treated fairly.

You know nothing apart from op’s narrative regarding this family! Who are you to decide what is fair.

To be frank op should discuss with real people in her life rather than trying to create an echo chamber on Mumsnet to justify her behaviour.

@herecomestherain1 why does the DB need a three bedroom detached house? Why is his need above the need for OP to have a new bathroom?

@12345change OP has discussed with her parents and expressed her upset clearly....