Large sum of money being given to sibling

[Zippy27]

To set the scene: there is a 12 year age gap between myself and my brother; I am the older sibling. My brother has had a lot of help financially with uni costs (I didn't go) including rent. I was given 5k from my parents for my wedding 14 years ago. However, my brother's rented accommodation has recently been put up for sale and the landlord has offered it to him to buy. He will have a mortgage but it turns out my parents will give him 90k for the deposit. When I say give, I do mean give - not a loan, they won't own part of the house - he is just being given it. It is half of their 180k savings. Both parents are retired. I have been told that when they make a will, it will state that myself and my brother will have half each of what they have BUT it will be stipulated that I will get 90k before the rest is divided up. However, as this may well be in 20 years' time, this doesn't seem at all fair to me. Who knows what their financial situation will be by then. My Dad justifies it by saying that they weren't in a financial position to give me that sort of money when my husband and I bought our house, which I'm sure is true, but surely this is still grossly unfair? We're not exactly living in a mansion and the house we have lived in for over 10 years still needs a new bathroom amongst other things. Would anyone else by severely pied off in this situation? My Dad explained that it isn't because my brother is "the favourite" (he is and always has been) but because he is "high maintenance". I am so hurt, angry and disappointed that I haven't spoken to or messaged my parents or brother since I was told about this 5 or 6 weeks ago. For context, my parents live across the road. They don't even give enough of a sh to contact me and find out why I have stopped visiting (probably because they know). Would anyone else be upset by this situation?

It's £90,000 gift ffs. To one sibling and not the other! Only a liar would not have a problem with that.

How distasteful.

I know that they are leaving her 90k but as OP has said 90k now will be worth less than when they die. Which is why I was wondering if they could / would put in the will that she would be left whatever 90k is worth when they die.

It would be upsetting but you have got a home and a partner and it sounds like your brother hasn’t. I don’t think I would fall out with them over money. 90k seems excessive for a deposit. The high maintenance comment is odd and that’s your dad’s issue not yours. The reasonable thing would maybe be to speak to them or write how you feel if you want to continue a relationship with them.

That's funny that your world view only extends as far as you would feel. And everything else must be a lie. That's very rigid.

So many childish, bratty, money grabbing responses on here.
OP you seem to be viewing your parents money as your money. They are trying to help your brother get on the property ladder - something which is near on impossible for a lot of people now. There are 4 of us (siblings) in my family. My brother is the youngest by 12 years. I don’t think he will ever be able to buy a house for a long time. I love him and would be so happy if my parents were in the position to help him like yours are. I don’t see money as money if you see what I mean (and certainly when it doesn’t belong to me) - I see it as something that can be used to help people on a needs basis.

My husband and I were lucky to be able to buy a house 20 years ago when you didn’t need the huge deposits. My other sister the same. My younger sister won’t be able to buy either but she lives with her young child with my parents almost rent free. I don’t tally up the money she saves by doing this and think “I should get the same” while stomping my feet.
My parents have helped my other sister (who does have a house) with so much too - loans to redecorate, actual cars because they are useless at maintaining cars - always breaking down. I don’t work out how much they get and think “I should be getting that too”. My parents gifted my husband and I around £6k almost 9 years ago in order to have IVF - we already had a child from IVF on the NHS and tried more times afterwards for a sibling for her. My parents gave us that final hope and luckily it worked. They basically paid for my child to exist. My siblings in no way thought “I should be given that amount too”.

Your parents have made it clear to you that the amount they are giving to help your brother will be made a factor in their will, so they’re not actually not going to give you the same amount - it’s just not going to be now - because that wouldn’t be possible. You’ve got (and many other on here) have a very funny way of thinking when it comes to money. It’s just money - their money - and one day your money and it’s awful that you should be acting cold towards them because they are trying to help their other child. It’s quite sad actually.

They gave her £5K, so it's not the same at all. The only needs they've met are the childcare, which as grandparents with free time they should have done anyway and has nothing to do with money.

I got a degree, but I worked while doing an Open University course part time. I funded it all. Was living at home at the time and my parents took rent from me.

Yeah its awful. My parents did similar. Said it would be stipulated in the will but it wasn't and my brother felt no need to honour the verbal agreement so I was screwed.

Should they?

In my experience, inheritance should always be split fairly, because even if one child is currently more "in need", these situations can spin on a dime. Op's brother could win the lottery next week, or meet and marry a millionaire net year.

If you looked at me and my sibling about 20 years ago, I was hugely better off financially. I've since been divorced and had to start over, whereas she married a high earner and also had a huge inheritance from his parents, when they died. Consequently, she is now far better off than me. Now, if my parents had gifted her 90k some 20 years ago to reflect her "less than" position, that would be grossly unfair if you looked at our current finances.

My son, a few years ago, was engaged to a multi millionaire. At the time my daughter didn't even have a partner. Well, sons engagement was broken off and my daughter is now married.

Things constantly change and current circumstances should never dictate that one child gets more. Apart from hurting peoples feelings, it rarely would reflect the financial ups and downs that one person has over a whole lifetime. Keep it simple and split evenly.

So yes Op, I would be VERY upset by this.

They were kind to do the childcare. They don't have to do that at all. Not their responsibility.

Isn’t it just. OP’s husband is furious about a situation that has nothing to do with him, consoling himself with the thought of OP’s brother dying.

If they didn't take rent from your brother's stipend, that's definitely not fair.

I have three degrees. I paid for them all and had next to no parental help for any of them. Just life. I don't hold it against them.

People are so bloody pious, aren't they!

No, they helped him pay his rent when he lived away from home and was studying. See how this works now?

But why? If it is going to be made fair in the final will? He needs the help now and she doesn’t. He won’t get that money in the will but she will - will he think it’s unfair when that time comes?

It's £90,000 gift ffs. To one sibling and not the other! Only a liar would not have a problem with that.

Well the OP is also getting 90k when the parents die. People seem utterly convinced that there will be zero money left over after care home fees. You do know there’s a cap on contributions to care right? I don’t know how much the DParents’ house is worth but it’s not at all a certainty that there will be nothing left.

Nothing needs to be 'fair'. The parents can leave their money to where and who they like, no one is entitled to their money. I personally hope there is nothing left for grabby entitled OP and her distasteful husband! Or there is but its left to a cats home...

Build a bridge and over come this.You can do nothing but encourage your parents to write a proper Will and be grateful if you receive anything in inheritance.
In the mean time be thankful for your parents.

😂Get over yourself.

I reckon you would leave yours to a cat's home Josie.

I'm not the one on the internet compaining that someone else is getting something I'm not 😂 I don't need to get over anything.

Op is there any chance you could talk to your parents again? This is going to weigh on you for a loonnnng time and the bitterness is going to build and you won't have a relationship with your parents or your brother at the end of it all

Personally I couldn't and wouldn't get worked up about it, though I recognsise its very personal. I have 2 brothers - 2 of us have 'done well' in life financially, and one - the middle one of the three of us - not so well. He's had far more support and help from my parents, who can easily afford it and are far from hard up.

But, they've done it because they could afford to, and life hasn't worked out as well for the middle one through no real fault of his own. He's probably the brightest of all of us, but has through health issues that have had a knock on effect on his career just not achieved what we have. I am just grateful that I haven't had those issues, and that despite the knocks life has thrown at me I am comfortable. I know my other brother thinks the same.

My parents have been transparent, and I know have kept a record of what the middle one 'owes' . They have said as much to us. But, I know that when the time comes the amounts owed will be wtitten off by the two of us, and the etstate split three ways. It feels like the right thing to do. If I needed the money, maybe I'd think differently. But I'll likely be in my 70s when that time comes, and wo't have any real need for more money. It probably will make a differnce to the middle one. So I couldn't do that to my own brother knowing I don't need it!!