To hate having house guests?!

[yellowr0se]

I am not talking about having people over for lunch/ dinner/ drinks/ coffee etc.

I mean people STAYING in the house. Family coming for a multiple nights etc.

I find it overwhelmingly invasive and an incredible energy drain.

Having to make continuous conversation..

Having to offer every time you want to reach for a snack..

Not being able to walk around in underwear/ revealing / old/ strange pajamas

Having to be seen and talk to people first thing in the morning.

Having to "entertain"?

Having to have awkward convos about "what do you want to watch on TV?"

Ughhhh just hate the whole thing. It's not them, it's nearly always me. I guess I am just a very private person. I socialise in very short bursts.

Am I totally unreasonable to feel like this or do others feel the same?

Ps- any tips for how to make it feel more manageable.

YANBU, last time I had a friend staying over I lied and said I have plans early in the morning next day just to get her to leave

YANBU. I was thrilled when DH started WFH and we had to turn our spare bedroom into an office. I jumped at the chance to move the bed out of there so we wouldn't be able to have anyone to stay. Technically, we could still accommodate overnight guests by making the DC share a room, but whenever I've said "oh what a shame we don't have a spare bedroom anymore but there's a Premier Inn close by" no one has questioned it. I love my friends and family, I like to socialise but only in small doses and my home is my sanctuary.

Local B and B , premier inn or Travelodge? I'm currently staying in a premier inn two miles from my daughter. So we have space and privacy

I struggle with it too.

Adult dc come for weekends and it's fine if they're on their own but if they bring partners I feel really on edge (even though they're lovely and very undemanding)

I feel like I can't just take time out to relax, I have to be on hand chatting/being sociable/making sure the house is ship shape. I realise it's just me that's the problem, not them!

So glad it’s not just me. Three days is my max and then I become incredibly irritable. Our houseguests are usually my in laws, and ways I’ve found to make it manageable are - going to bed at 9pm (reading alone), getting husband to take them out for dinner, having to ‘work late’ at least once. They’re perfectly nice people, I just passionately hate having houseguests or being a guest in someone else’s home.

Ah ok. We live in the Yorkshire Dales, so there aren't any local hotels.

There will be self-catering cottages within, say, a 20 mile radius. But, I'd struggle to justify that to family members when I have ample space here at home.

Other option is to visit them. Then stay in a local hotel. Mind you with 5 bedrooms you prob have a bit more space to not be falling over each other

Two weeks last July

Two fcking weeks

I was expected to cook for them
Clean
Drive them around

They complained every fcking day

There was snide remarks re kids diet
My weight
How tired I looked
That I should have had my kids when I was younger etc

It was hell

One night max going forward

I did say in advance two weeks was way too long
They said
No we just want to come and chill and help you with your new house

They never lifted a finger 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

I thought hell didn't exist.. but here it is. You poor thing, 2 weeks with nice people is 12 days too much but ones who criticise.. talking about your weight! You don't have to do that ever again.

I know

Still Not fcking over it

Sheer hell

The morning dread!!! Exactly!!!

I enjoy it, but recently moved from a 1 bed flat where we never had the space to host anyone. We have friends and family all over the place so I love the chance to have them stay and spend proper time with them!

Agree with PP that the secret is giving guest independence- own key, run of the kitchen, set clear boundaries and rules on when meals together are and when they aren't etc. But maybe that only works if you have reasonable guests, as we do!

Totally with you. I have a family guest from overseas every year - I wish I could tell her I don't want her to stay.

Just no. Life is too short. All that trapped wind as well. You can’t fart with house guests! It’s far too exhausting the whole thing.

Just say no!

So this! Wanted to go on holidays with dh and I - I said no, told her 3 day stay was enough - she arrived and told me she'd be staying for 9 days as her next stop had cancelled. Snide comments about my body shape, my skin, tried to hit my dog, was meant to go out and about but followed me around like a shadow.

I finally stopped playing ball and then she lost it - said it wasn't her fault her mental health was awful (after telling me she was better). She'll be back next year - think I'm dreading it already - I haven't been able to talk to her since she left a month ago - I feel so unsupportive but I also feel manipulated.

I'm happy with a long weekend but no more unless it's a very good friend who's come long haul.

I know this is an old thread, and I know I’m in the minority but I really enjoy having house guests.

We often have big weekend or holiday get togethers, 15+ people sleeping in the house and more for dinner or lunch. We deliberately wanted a house that would be good for entertaining. Personally I find it fun and enjoyable. And if I need quiet time I can go off to my room for a bit. Hosting is easier than being a guest I think.

I’m also an introvert so enjoy having the house back to myself again when they leave.

Thank though for this (old) thread OP, I've always thought I was a bit weird. We've got family coming for 2 weeks soon and I'm already feeling a little stressed. They're always on the go wanting to do things with us. Last year I ended up going to the supermarket several times just to have a peaceful wander round the aisles! It's hard to explain to people who love hosting just how exhausting it can be for others.

I hate staying with other people too. We always self cater when travelling and the kind of host who wants to interact, or horror of horrors, invites us around for a drink (which seems to happen a lot) makes me feel uncomfortable.

Am very sociable in real life, it's just the having people to stay/staying with other people I find hard.

@SaltyGod I could have written your post word for word 😂.

Am also an introvert but I love our friends and family and really enjoy having them to stay. I love the planning and the cooking and the general buzz of having lovely people around, playing games, eating and drinking too much and lots of interesting and often bonkers conversation. But I do love my own space and my own company when they leave!

I think it's so dependent on so many factors. I'm an introvert so I could put it down to that why I hate it. And I've always thought that's why.
But if I had a lovely big house and lovely interesting funny people staying I might like it!
But it's never been like that

After 40 years of marriage, I've finally figured out that my DH should be totally responsible for guests...you are right, @Springtime43 DH has been exhausted after just one night. It's amazing how many fewer guests are invited (by him!) to visit when I remind him of his new hosting duties...I don't care if he even blames it on me.

Last week whilst I was away, a client in a caravan called him and said he and his wife would be at our home in 5 minutes! ( the husband wanted to just show up, but fortunately the wife made him call, albeit only 5 minutes ahead) They stayed overnight in our guestroom and DH made all their meals. Then, thinking they were doing us a favour, left all the things that they didn't use in the caravan since it was rented. DH also had to drive them to the large airport over an hour away. ( these people are very lovely, btw! And good clients, so it wasn't a bad visit...practically the perfect houseguests...it was just all the effort that went into hosting. ) and we aren't getting any younger👩‍🦳🧑‍🦳

Rare for us to have guests. It was always parents, difficult to tell them to stay in a hotel with 2 spare bedrooms! I tried to organise 2 nights max, had sulking etc but my mum knows I hate her drinking, she always gets very pissed, every night, it’s horrible.

The last guests I had were here last year and I’m hoping they don’t ask again because it was a pita having to dream up stuff to entertain them and then I couldn’t move rooms because they were in the spare bed so I had my dh snoring in my ear all night.

Sounds like a lovely visit @Cherrysoup 🤣🤣🤣

I was, in many ways, but I just cannot be bothered to have guests, we had lots when we first moved to London, not to see us!

I can imagine! I live in California and I had 3 female relatives from out of town come and stay with me right when I was due to give birth to my first baby. As it was their first time on California, they wanted to do all the touristy things..On the day before DC was born, one had cramps, so I had to walk many blocks to go get the car from the car park as she couldn't walk. 12 hours later, DC was born.