To hate having house guests?!

[yellowr0se]

I am not talking about having people over for lunch/ dinner/ drinks/ coffee etc.

I mean people STAYING in the house. Family coming for a multiple nights etc.

I find it overwhelmingly invasive and an incredible energy drain.

Having to make continuous conversation..

Having to offer every time you want to reach for a snack..

Not being able to walk around in underwear/ revealing / old/ strange pajamas

Having to be seen and talk to people first thing in the morning.

Having to "entertain"?

Having to have awkward convos about "what do you want to watch on TV?"

Ughhhh just hate the whole thing. It's not them, it's nearly always me. I guess I am just a very private person. I socialise in very short bursts.

Am I totally unreasonable to feel like this or do others feel the same?

Ps- any tips for how to make it feel more manageable.

Some of the responses in this thread indicate a decline not only in the tradition of providing hospitality, but moreso, a decline in the pleasure of it.

I agree that the digital age means that many people prefer to live in isolation.

I still don't understand why people host people they don't like. Obviously there are exceptions such as partner's family who live too far to visit for the day, but otherwise why can't peope just say that they can't host rather than simmer with resentment?

I'm lucky that the people who do stay are people we want to spend time with, and can feel relaxed in their company. It also helps that we have 4 bedrooms and two bathrooms, plus a downstairs loo, so we aren't all on top of each other.

I love my children dearly but they are noisy when they are altogether.
Worse now than what they were when they were kids lol.
Mum you seen this muuuummm what you cooking today muummmm tell him off.
They are adults but when they come for a visit they become kids again😂.
I love my peace and quiet now.

Some of the responses in this thread indicate a decline not only in the tradition of providing hospitality, but moreso, a decline in the pleasure of it.

My dislike of providing hospitality is around the lack of courtesy - my guests (generally DH's family) tend to invite themselves to stay, which I think is incredibly rude, and the invitations tend to be for midweek accommodation. DH and I both work full time and our weeks are busy. Having to host midweek generally grinds us to a halt, with one of us having to take time off at some point, to let people in when they arrive etc. Its a huge cause of friction between DH and I. Last time this happened, I told him he could do all the sorting out, cooking, hosting etc - he was dead on his feet by the time they went home. Hopefully this has made him think ......

So, just say no.

This is me. I can't be bothered with that type of socialising. Quick coffee, chat then home when visiting friends or they visit me.

Yes hate it. One of the unexpected benefits of splitting with ex. It was always his family visiting and I hated it despite liking them as people. Best visits with people last no more than a few hours before you both get sick of each other.
I used to disappear for an hr or so to recharge, they had plenty of people to chat to, but it was always "where has disturbia gone?" "Why does she need time alone" aghh suffocating.

We have many guests staying over. I generally really enjoy it - but I'm also pleased when they go!

I like it for 3 days max...then it gets tedious...though oddly if they stay for a couple of weeks its OK. It's that awkward spot between 2 overnights and 3 overnights and 12 nights. .

It's nice to be able to chat to people and be more comfortable than meeting up for a night.

I love having fri

What’s that saying, ‘guests are like fish, after 3 days they start to smell.’

Opps sorry sent too fast!
Love having friends around, but for a short stay. Family same. They're all super good guests who know that I love my routine and do what they can to fit in it!

Used to hate though, tried too hard to be the perfect host.

My children and grandchildren are my only guests. Anything else would be terrible.

I agree 100% with you OP. I don't even like people visiting my house for more than a few hours. I always make them feel welcome and well-fed etc but inside I'm dying for them to leave.

Luckily we live near all family and have no spare rooms, so no overnight guests. It would be my nightmare.

I hate it
I am the ethnicity people thinks love family parties and food.
Growing up people used to come over a lot to enjoy themselves generally, on nights, and on special occasions. Religious holidays were never enjoyed due to the high maintenance people that turned up. The house was crowded and the bathroom for ever being used by some old or disabled relative in succession
There was also the cousin whose parents went to Saudi to earn the big bucks but had a mini breakdown and stayed a week but never informed the parents to keep them enjoying themselves. She was a lot older and well off than us and we had nothing in common
Then her and her brother developed a habit of wanting home cooked food but would come over between 11-1am when I'd returned home from University and they'd stay up talking to my mum after I'd talked to no one all day
Eventually I erupted when they started inviting others

. The house was probably way out of our budget and more suited to people who had money and could control the crowds
I hated the whole thing. People ignored us teenagers and only wanted to talk to our parents. We were just in the way. The bedroom was next to the living room as it was a bungalow but parties and entertaining went on till 2am
It was horrid when people stayed over because Im quite private and don't want to be seen in my PJs and I don't want to have to step over people at night
Bear in mind I am a man
I moved out eventually. Never changed. My parents loved it but was selfish of the adults

If it's a one off grin and bear it
In my case I would have moved out. My relationship with my parents was ruined. We never had regular quality time over 20 years and that bonding cannot be replaced
I'm private too and I like to come home and tell funny jokes and stories of the day
I can tolerate low maintenance people who mind their own business and are genuinely interested in me for an hour or two but not in the late hours or overnight

My parents never became their age as such. They've always been a bit Peter Pan and love it all. In an ideal world they would have spoken to their nephews and nieces and brothers as adults they are and told them it was not on
Also consider your relationship with the guests before going berserk. Some are genuinely kind and loving like some Pakistani people I know. Simple and get on your nerves but really come through for you.
If they are freeloading wasters then be tactful and start kicking them out
What annoyed me in my case is these people in the majority were those who kept their doors locked and had strict rules for visiting

I feel exactly the same @yellowr0se

As Benjamin Franklin said, "Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days".

This has brought back my parents being away for 4 weeks when I was 15 (work training)
A teacher gave me a lift in the morning to school. Mortifying and awkward
And I had to stay with friends of theirs too for 4 weeks

Guests and entertaining no longer popular? Would it be something to do with the vast amount of shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing, bed making involved and women nowadays having the confidence to say No.

I don't mind for two nights. Any more than that and I get a bit fed up.

And I say that having just got in bed after moving dd2's bedroom around so my o parents can get in and out of bed easier and changing two lots of sheets, after cooking dinner for everyone on top of a 10 hour work day.
We have a sort of granny flat which I had intended they stay in and which would have been much better, but my mum decided the bed was 'too small', (it's a double) so we have all had to shuffle round. 😑

But genuinely though, do your guests have to stay? Can you suggest a hotel?

Surely you just tell her to live with it?

How is it "simple" though?

My mother lives in Scotland, my MiL lives in London. We live in Yorkshire, in a 5 bedroom/5 bathroom house.

How can we simply avoid overnight guests?

I feel the same about family/ friend holidays in big houses or villas. Give me a hotel every time.
That's not about entertaining, I just don't want to make conversation with my BiL first thing in the morning when all I want is to make my coffee and go back to bed!

I currently have DM staying with me. 'Can I go to the toilet?' 'What are you doing/where are you going?' (Me standing up to get a drink/wee/answer the door.) 'Can we go to M&S? I'll pay for a taxi.' (I have a car!) 'Shall we go home now?' (Out for lunch for 45 minutes.) 'Do you mind if I speak to your DF when he phones me?' 'Is it okay if I take my tablet now?'

I picked only her up at lunchtime! She's here until Sunday...

It's only the second time that she's stayed with me since I moved here almost six years ago.

In June, I have the next wave of family staying. They are completely different and my house looks like a tornado has gone through it within minutes of them arriving. I will sit quietly in a corner, rocking myself with my fingers in my ears!

Yep, house guests. Can't love 'em, can't avoid 'em!

@Akamai I figure it's easier to keep the peace. They are only here til Sunday. We'll wear it. The debate about it isn't worth the hassle.