To hate having house guests?!

[yellowr0se]

I am not talking about having people over for lunch/ dinner/ drinks/ coffee etc.

I mean people STAYING in the house. Family coming for a multiple nights etc.

I find it overwhelmingly invasive and an incredible energy drain.

Having to make continuous conversation..

Having to offer every time you want to reach for a snack..

Not being able to walk around in underwear/ revealing / old/ strange pajamas

Having to be seen and talk to people first thing in the morning.

Having to "entertain"?

Having to have awkward convos about "what do you want to watch on TV?"

Ughhhh just hate the whole thing. It's not them, it's nearly always me. I guess I am just a very private person. I socialise in very short bursts.

Am I totally unreasonable to feel like this or do others feel the same?

Ps- any tips for how to make it feel more manageable.

@yellowr0se yep, my stance now is that I won’t host during the week, it’s too much as I work full time. I’d rather not host at the weekends either, but I suppose I need to compromise somewhere!

Yes! This is the thing. It's not the person/ people (usually!!)

It's just the sharing of personal space which is exhausting

It’s not awkward if it’s family or close friends. I wouldn’t invite anyone other than that!

it is a lot of work though.

I loathe it too....im not a natural 'host' and i find making constant conversation exhausting....im an introvert so thats probably why.

I find that it helps to go up to bed a bit earlier than I normally would for half an hour reading or quietly watching tv so I have time to myself

Me too. I think introverts find it doubley hard. I need alone time like I need air!

I’m with you. I only realised this about myself in the last few years though. I think I like the idea of being uber welcoming host but in reality I find it stressful and overwhelming, and it’s nice to just acknowledge that without pressure to be different.

It's not the person/ people (usually!!)

It's just the sharing of personal space which is exhausting

Agree, it doesn’t matter who the guest is, I just find it draining to have someone extra in the house, and having to be ‘on’ all the time

I also have the irrational fear that they might want a cup of tea, so I should offer a cup of tea, but then what if I'm annoying them by my persistent tea offers. I tell them to make as much tea as they want, but what if they don't think they can? Maybe I should offer another cup of tea 😂

Agree. I do this too.

And even during the day just excusing yourself and saying you're having a lie down or something similar

That's really powerful. I felt my headache go when I read that.

What if we didn't need to try and be someone who loves hosting but actually could just accept it's not something we enjoy.

This ^^
Don't have guests then.

Does anyone over the age of 30 really enjoy having people stay?

I love having my sister and cousin to stay. We like doing the same things.

Being polite/ small talking/ fake laughing at unfunny jokes is exhausting

I don't have to do any of those things with my family. I can be myself.
Why do you invite people in whose company you can't feel comfortable with?

Hahaha ahhhhhh yes. Alllll the inner dialogue that happens internally 🤣🤣

I think it’s awful too & one reason I won’t be upgrading from a 1 bed flat

Oh yes I feel your pain. Recently had 3 lots of family members descend one weekend after the other as I live in Scotland and I'm from North East England. One weekend was 3 guests and the dog, I was dreading it. Too much effort full deep clean, find room for 3 beds, food for 2 days so meal prepping etc. 1 night is fine but I find 2+ very stressful. In reality they brought lots of booze, dog was as good as gold and my most favourite house guest! We had the best weekend and in reality we probably won't have them for a couple of years. We tend to be a free b&b for folk heading up north

Depends on who though. My dps are absolutely lovely and pitch in. In fact my mum still cooks all meals and constantly turning out our favourites. They help with dc and very easy company. Dh prefers them over his own side. Anyone else, we have a very short time limit.

I loathe staying at anyone's house though.

I 100% AGREE and that is why people aren't allowed in my house after 8pm 😂.

So, why do people have house guests they dislike?
Just point them in the direction of the nearest Premier Inn/Travelodge/Ibis hotel/airbnb.

We don’t often have overnight visitors as mostly everyone is fairly local to not need to.
My dad doesn’t but he stays in a hotel.
And another set of relatives who will come and stay one night, they do live quite far away, we will do a big breakfast and then they get on the road so it’s all fine.
I have a friend who will stay very occasionally, timed for when dh is away, we have a night out, back to ours to usually lay about with a late night takeaway, bed, then order a deliveroo for brunch After usually a few hours lying on the sofa under duvets and she’ll head off.
On the other hand I hate being a guest in anyone’s house and will almost always book a hotel for everyone’s comfort but mostly
my own! Unless there is a spare bedroom at the house I’m visiting and I won’t have to share it. But 99% of the time I’ll stay elsewhere.

I enjoy having friends and family to stay which is just as well as it happens a lot! Interestingly, I'm an introvert so I do need to find my alone time to recharge. Sometimes I go to bed while others are still up just to have some time to re-energise.

We have a blended family though, with five adult kids between us, lots of nice friends, some of whom are new to me (ie I met them only about 12 years ago), and quite a big house so we aren't on top of each other. We bought the house as a bit of a family hub, hoping it would be somewhere we would all get together.

I enjoy entertaining and love cooking which helps a lot. Funnily, I find it more difficult staying with other people. Family and friends being here feels much nicer as the space is so familiar.

I hate it, but do it with reasonably good grace for certain people. That means ONLY those who are relaxed and don't expect the Dorchester. There are only two of them lol, and they are great company (I live alone and love it BTW), for a max 2 days they are here. They do their own thing, get their own breakfast, and just muck in. But in all honesty no matter how nice and easy guests are, it is hard work all round. The biggest thing for me is feeling I have to clean the place from top to bottom, and have the naice towels and sheets on the beds, and Waitrose grub, even though the guests would eat anything. I suppose none of us want to let ourselves down. That's a bit of pressure lazy old git me could do without!

I, on the other hand really hate staying with anyone. I figured out it's because I worry about dribbling on the pillows, getting up in the night for a wee and making noise, needing a light on, not being sure if I should get up when I want, or wait until the morning chaos is over, that kind of thing. So I don't bother anymore, just stay nearby in a hotel now. Whew!

We don't ever invite anyone in. If we have dinner with people we will go out. If people want to meet for coffee we go to a coffee shop.

The concept of designing your kitchen for 'entertaining' is very odd to me. Keep out!

Oh god, just reading this gave me a nervous twitch. I feel exactly the same!

the dread when you wake up and can hear someone else already moving about, meaning you can’t just veg with a cuppa in your dressing gown in silence. And in the evening, we’ll, same to be honest..

i am not an entertainer.

I quite like it but I wouldn't invite anyone where it was awkward or I felt that I had to be "on" all the time. I'm also very much "help yourself" when it comes to drinks and snacks.

I absolutely hate it. And we end up hosting all the time because we are (a) the only one of our friends/family with a spare room and (b) there are tricky family dynamics that mean not everyone is welcome to visit other family members.

So everyone bloody comes to us because they have no space for us or can’t host because certain people won’t visit/aren’t allowed to visit. And when I mean we host, I mean they come for 3-7 nights at a time. I want to die every time. And they do a lot of just sitting at the table waiting to be fed, watered and entertained. If we didn’t host, we wouldn’t see them, and that matters to Dh (but not to me!).

I do try to make plans and avoid them, but still they are here in the house. Even if I try to just sit and have a quiet coffee in the morning in another room, they bloody find me and start talking. 😩 I truly hate it. I’ve started saying no more and Dh has to go visit them on his own because they can fit one person on the sofa, but not 4 of us and a dog. I wave him off and stay home with the dog.

And get this, even worse! Our worst offenders are BIL and partner. A couple years ago, we went on holiday (about an hour from where they live) and said we might meet up with them for a drink. They said, don’t worry, we’ll just drive up to your holiday cottage. They brought their camper van and parked up in the drive and proceeded to just stay the rest of our holiday, so I was on holiday and still hosting bloody house guests. I could have killed Dh. It’s my favourite place in the UK but I haven’t been back since because we can’t shake them as soon as they get a whiff we might be near. Dh is too polite and everyone in the family already thinks I’m an unsociable cow for not having everyone round more. 😂