To hate having house guests?!

[yellowr0se]

I am not talking about having people over for lunch/ dinner/ drinks/ coffee etc.

I mean people STAYING in the house. Family coming for a multiple nights etc.

I find it overwhelmingly invasive and an incredible energy drain.

Having to make continuous conversation..

Having to offer every time you want to reach for a snack..

Not being able to walk around in underwear/ revealing / old/ strange pajamas

Having to be seen and talk to people first thing in the morning.

Having to "entertain"?

Having to have awkward convos about "what do you want to watch on TV?"

Ughhhh just hate the whole thing. It's not them, it's nearly always me. I guess I am just a very private person. I socialise in very short bursts.

Am I totally unreasonable to feel like this or do others feel the same?

Ps- any tips for how to make it feel more manageable.

@ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie
* I would love to draw a Venn diagram. I bet there is a significant overlap between all the the people who hate guests staying over and all the people who don't answer their doors unless someone has been invited, preferably with 3 week's advance warning.*

🤣🤣🤣🤣. I agree with this! Would also love to see the diagram! I find some people on here very odd sometimes!!

Absolutely. In real life I don’t know anyone who hates guests! Luckily, as our friends are now scattered far and wide. We’re always delighted when they visit and I’m pretty sure it’s reciprocated 🤣

You have certainly found your people on Mumsnet.

I actually do like having people to stay (obviously only people I like!) - I am an introvert so I like it planned in advance so I have the energy but I love entertaining and cooking for people, I love the more random late night chats or dozy morning chats. I don't run out of conversation with the sort of close friend I have to stay, it doesn't get awkward.

Sure if I pulled a random off the street and had them to stay, it would be awks all the way but not a good friend!

I'd dislike it too. Luckily all our friends and family stay in the same town mostly beyond one brother who has a holiday home here anyway. So we are never in this situation thankfully.

I love it, I have eight friends descending this weekend. I like their company and cooking etc, the only bit I dislike is the putting the house back together after, the beds, towels etc. I have four coming the following weekend.

and I’m 50.😄

I only have two close friends that I ever feel comfortable doing this with! But that's very much a case of su casa mi casa either way round. And I love that. Other than that, no, I feel totally uncomfortable! We had my husbands mates kipping over in the 90's a lot, I just felt like I couldn't be myself or relax, so YANBU!

I can't stand it, I never invite people to stay. Fortunately family are close enough not to need to. I'm quite sociable but I need mental space every day. I also don't like staying in other people's houses, I would rather get a hotel. My son doesn't like his friends staying over either, he says he can't sleep!

YANBU at all. Hate staying with other people too. If visiting friends much prefer to stay in a hotel.

I love it! Currently have a family member staying for a fortnight, have lots of friends over for the odd overnight or two here and there, and also have sometimes hosted complete strangers when a friend needs somewhere for guests to sleep for an overnight. I enjoy the sociability, having plenty of time to talk to friends without the need for anyone to leave and go home. I have a guest room that only needs linens to be put on when someone visits, and generally people pitch in somewhat with house tasks so it's not a huge effort. In my friend group it's normal for us + kid(s) to stay overnight with one another if we visit as it's often too far for a day trip.

Only time it's a bit awkward is when I need to try to wfh and I'm a bit too easily distracted if there's a guest around. Also when kids were very small it was a bit of a pain planning meal times around various toddlers. But now everyone is just relaxed.

Just stop doing it. I've done a 360 turnaround in 10 years, used to have people stay loads, entertained, cooked etc etc. 1 divorce and attitude change and I never do it now. I don't care anymore what anyone thinks, it's bad for my mental health and not worth it. I say 'we aren't in a position to do that, here are local air bnbs...' I don't like any visitors to my home!!

We go on holiday in a week and I found out yesterday that my husband's brother, his wife and their adult children and partners were planning on coming to stay for 4 nights the day we arrived home, within 2 hours of us landing at the airport 🙈. Obviously their visit was planned but originally they had been coming the following day!

I really like them and they are easy to get on with/no one stands on ceremony and everyone mucks in, but I do need a night back in my own bed and time to unpack (and buy milk!!!) before 6 extra adults arrive in the house!! Fortunately after a few words with my other half they will now arrive the day after we get home as originally planned 😂

Then when they leave I will have a very quiet few days speaking to no one to recharge 😊

Completely agree.

I hate having people to stay and I hate staying in other people's houses. And yes, that includes people I genuinely like to spend time with! I just need that little bit of decompression space at night and early in the morning, and I feel like I can't do it if I'm sharing accommodation with others.

I hate it so much! I'm very introverted and have serious social anxiety and health problems that make me tired at the best of times, plus I'm a chronic people-pleaser, so having to be 'on' all the time is hideous! And the tiptoeing around in the mornings so you're up and ready in case they need you, but trying not to wake them in case it looks rude. Exhausting. I managed to get out of going to stay with the inlaws at Easter and was so looking forward to having the long weekend home alone, but then friends I love dearly sprang it on me that they were going to be in the area, and in the next breath they were asking if they could stay here and my people-pleasing side was saying 'Yes, lovely, of course you can!' while the rest of me was screaming 😱It was genuinely so nice to see them and I really do love them, but they are also terrible people-pleasers, so we spent three full days going 'What do you want for lunch?' 'We don't mind - whatever's easiest.' 'I could make X or Y.' 'We don't mind - whatever's easiest.' 'I'm taking the dog for a walk - do you want to come?' 'We don't mind - whatever's easiest.' 😂

Same, unless it’s very close family. I just won’t do it. Dh doesn’t mind at all, but if we’re going together, for me it has to be a hotel.

I don’t mind house guests, as long as it’s close family/very good friends. After two lots of PITA Canadian relations I hardly knew, I don’t have anyone else to stay any more - except a v old friend of dh, who’s no trouble at all and always very appreciative of whatever I cook!

OMG - this would have sent me over the edge! I'm so glad you've managed to push things back at bit, but I need at least a few days to get back to normal after a holiday. That amount of guests would be a huge NO from me, even if I wasn't going on holiday.

Its interesting that your other half would have been quite happy with the first arrangement, men really don't think these things through, do they?

Im with you op i cant stand it either.
Ive got to the point now that even when my own kids come for a visit im watching the clocks.
Simply put i hate guests and anyone staying for the night.
And having to start talking first thing in the mornings gives me the rage.
I love silence my own space and just me.
Having to make everyone teas and coffees chit chat smile and nod.

Am I the only one who thinks that guests who are NOT INVITED and ask to stay are bloody cheeky as hell and presumptuos too. I'm talking random friends, distant relatives, etc. Family is different I suppose.

I could never ask anyone if it's ok to stay with them as I'd be far too worried about getting in their way and disrupting their routine not to mention costing them time and money. (and dribbling on the pillows, and needing the loo in the middle of the night etc. !)

OK maybe it's just me.

I find it rather sad that you can't relax in your sister's company.

Ah go on!

Your own kids???

Some of the responses in this thread indicate a decline not only in the tradition of providing hospitality, but moreso, a decline in the pleasure of it.

Is this due to the digital age I wonder, a COVID impact, or something else - people being less social, desiring human company less, feeling less tolerant and quick to judge, getting less happiness from spending time together - is it a British phenomenon, or something else? Either way, the fact humans can't feel comfortable or enjoy hosting loved ones, old friends, or even acquaintances for short periods of time (even 24 hours) makes me feel sad. Like our communities are shrinking. Obv if the person you don't want to host is a dick that's understandable. But these are people you care about! It's strange to me.

Yes. Also means I have to tidy up.

MIL came to stay and argued with us about what to watch on telly.

She left her toe nail clippings on the carpet for us to clean up.

She turned the toilet roll so it hung at the back, rather than the front.

She criticised my home cooking as she was adamant that buying prepped food is best.

She is our only house guest, so my only example.

@yellowr0se i feel exactly the same. I literally never have anyone to stay, I absolutely hate it. I will happily socialise and meet somewhere and really enjoy it. Just not in my own house.

I think the thread is made up of people who agree with the op predominantly and obvs behind a screen, there is possibly as a pp said a large correlation with those who don’t like to speak on the phone, or answer their doors.

in my wider social circle there is no change in people hosting. We all do it. So I think uou need to take the potential demographic into account on line. It is not representative of the wider population in my experience