For refusing to move in with his previously aggressive dog...

[sarahmoore2]

long story short - partners dog has 'accidently' attacked and killed a small dog 7 years ago. Apparently it was the smaller dogs fault for being yappy? (Pitbull vs chihuahua)

I have a medium sized dog and I do not feel comfortable putting my dog around the Pitbull. Granted it was a long time ago, however I have recently seen the dog snap at peoples hand for no reason (at big events - maybe over stimulated?) and also snap at another dog over a bone.

Unfortunately it is the size that scares me as they are so powerful, my dog would not stand a chance against him. My partner has said we will keep them separate in the same house forever, but I think that sounds totally stressful, especially as we are at the age were kids are our next step. I just do not want to enter motherhood having to look after a baby and worry about separating 2 dogs. I really love my partner, but he has made it very clear that he is not willing to 'give away his dog' even though his parents have offered to take the dog so I can live comfortably (he will still get to see the dog). I have nobody to take my dog, and have no family nearby therefore I would lose contact with my dog if I rehomed him and do not have the option. We are at the stage now where we either get married and move in together, or break up. I am making multiple sacrifices to be in this relationship already; which is why I feel strongly about him making one. AIBU?

Powerful dogs can chew through doors to get to what they want. I echo what everyone else says - your life will be a misery if you move in with him, your own dog could become an anxious wreck or worse killed, and bringing babies into this situation would be completely reckless and a recipe for disaster. Your partners dog would be able to smell your dog in the house even if you kept them separated.

Ignoring the child issue, still absolutely not. Your partner doesn't truly recognise the risk the dog poses and therefore he'll never manage it properly or take the risk to you or your dog seriously. In any event, it's not fair on either of the dogs to go from having access to the whole house to being shut away a lot.

Don't give up your dog and don't move in, why was he even allowed to keep the dog after it has killed another one previously? The stress of keeping them apart would be too much, dogs are opportunists & his has got form, so if you make a mistake like forgetting to shut a door or gate properly, believe me his dog will know and that could mean a terrible end for your dog that you won't get over or forgive yourself for. This may sound over dramatic, but the reality would be horrific.

No, no, no, no and no.

He's a shit dog owner. After this one goes/gets PTS, he'll just get another one and repeat the same shit ownership so that one goes the same way.

He's not a safe or decent person to have children with.

I don’t trust his judgement which I think is why I haven’t moved in.

So, don't move in with him, and don't have children with him.

Ignore those red flags at your peril and raise your bar.

This dog is being set up to fail - your partner is in denial about what he needs to do to keep it under control and manage it. It's clear that it doesn't like crowds, is agressive around food and other dogs. He should be keeping it away from all those things at a minimum, not suggesting that the dog will 'get used to' another dog in the house.

the point is that his behavior now makes him an unsuitable partner now and forever. You can’t move in today because of this particular dog. Eventually this dog will pass away, but the boyfriend will still be a bad dog owner. If you get a dog together in the future, you can’t trust him to properly train and supervise. When you are out and about around other dogs, you can’t trust him to have good instincts. This isn’t a short-term problem because he is showing no signs of learning from his mistakes.

No way would I move in with him. I’m fact his poor judgement over this would make me doubt his suitability as a parent. What else would he have shit judgement about?

If you are in the UK pitbulls are a banned breed.

But wherever you are, never ever move in with him as long as he has such a dangerous breed.
No dog "accidentally" attacks and kills another creature.

You, your baby, and your dog will never be safe no matter what he suggests. He's a bloody moron frankly.

This is true, I mean it’s not a small error in judgement. There’s quite the sliding scale.

My husband might get me a wispa gold from the shop as an error in judgement…. but in fairness to him he’s never allowed another animal to tear a smaller one to shreds and then proclaim that animal as safe…. On reflection I should count myself lucky with my sickly chocolate.

@cheddercherry thanks for your response!! My thinking is exactly like yours. I find it impossible to move forward without acknowledging the facts of the situation. Then I think, aw is he just pretending he doesn’t see because he is trying to protect me and wants me to live with him. He has even said before you really think they are never going to be around each other?! So I doubt his commitment to even keep them seperate. They blame the small dog for its own death. Would they do the same if my dog died?

Op lovely, his risk assessment is wayyy off what it needs to be to be a good dad and make a happy family. If the choice is to move in or break up, then that's the stark choice you should make. Do not move in with him, you will never trust his dog (quite rightly too), he doesn't listen to you, and it shouldn't be this hard at this stage. x

Absolutely no way. I am paranoid about mine being attacked. A chi is so little, I’d shit myself leaving them together.

Yeah to blunt if he doesn’t actually believe there’s a risk he is never going to safeguard you or your dog is he? He might say “yeah I’ll keep the doors shut/ get a gate” but if the dogs gets out I bet it “won’t be the end of the world”….. until it is for you.

Larger dogs in our family are daily accosted by yappy little dogs in our village but guess what…. Our dogs haven’t mauled any. And wouldn’t. Because it doesn’t matter what that dog was doing does it, because only aggressive dogs would react aggressively to such an extent that it ends a life. So yeah, you’ve hit the nail on the head and it will inevitably be your dogs fault for antagonising his, or your fault for not letting them get to know each other, or your fault for making a stressful environment. But in any case you always lose don’t you? Either give away your dog, or live on the edge waiting for the worse, or burying them. I mean, choose your poison…. Or just don’t move in with him!

I'm a huge dog lover. However, I wouldn't be happy moving in with my dog, under these circumstances. Then I see you are considering bringing a baby into the mix too.

Absolutely no way, this is an unpredictable dog from your description of him and his antics past and recent.
Do everyone a favour and don't move in.

There is only one positive potential outcome here (which should have been done long ago), and it involves the professional ministrations of a vet.

I would not go within a hundred yards of a pitbull.

Someone once said there are something like 7 billion people in this world, half of them are men.

throw this one back, keep your dog and find another man - there are plenty of more fish in the sea.

Some dogs just don't like living with other dogs...it would be miserable for all involved if you have to keep them separate-: but fail to do so and it could all end really badly.

It would be no way to live and that's before you think about putting a child into the mix

You would be mad to do this and if he can't see that he isn't very bright

Owners of dangerous dogs don't want to think the worst of their furred friend and so they minimise the danger constantly. Look up fatal dog attacks in the UK, you'll see pitbull-types (including but not exclusively Bully XLs) kill the most people, and the number of fatal incidents has been increasing.

Leave him! He's a twat who'd rather choose his dangerous dog over you. No way could you have children with his idiotic and dangerous lack of common sense!

So if you’re in the UK, he owns a banned breed dog that has already killed another dog, he seems to be severely lacking in judgement and you’re thinking about moving in, taking your dog along too and having kids with him. Seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Ditch him and find someone who isn’t a complete twat.

I have a ‘dangerous’ dog. She never used to be but someone assaulted her and it made her reactive. She randomly bit someone (I was devastated) who I assume she thought looked like the man who hurt her (same age and build, also in jeans). She started barking on walks and getting aggressive with men and other dogs. I recognised something was wrong. We went to the vet, we got referred for behaviour therapy and I’ve worked hard with her to help manage this. She wears a muzzle for alll walks. She is much, much better after a year…BUT I would NEVER expect her to share her home with another dog. I would not risk the safety of that other dog nor would I do this to her because it would cause her stress. The youngest child I’ve had around her since this happened was 4 and I watched her the whole time, I took her out if she showed signs of being stressed. I do whatever I can to keep her calm because she is an anxious dog and that can make her aggressive. I do this both for her and for everyone around her. Funnily the dog behaviour therapist said I was the most engaged client she’d worked with - most people are referred by someone else whereas I requetsed it. I explained that I love my dog and I wanted her to be happy and I hated that she was so distressed. I’m glad she’s better but I will always be cautious with her now.
I agree with pp, the key issue here is that you r DP doesn’t recognise that his dog is dangerous, he won’t take any steps to change things and seems unwilling to acknowledge there’s a risk to your dog or any future DC. I would think very carefully about any future with this man.

As soon as his dog killed another dog it should have been put to sleep, I couldn't be with anyone that allowed a dangerous animal to live and potentially kill again. I certainly wouldn't be allowing him or his dog near my dog.
Have a serious word with yourself about this.

I wouldn't move in while the dog lives there. Obviously there are always risks with dogs but this dog is aggressive. Why wasn't he put down after killing another dog?

I wouldn't want to live with an aggressive dog. I would not risk my dog being around him and I would never bring a baby into a house where an aggressive dog lived.

What's worrying is your dp is so blasé about this. That would be very concerning for someone I plan to eventually co parent with .