AIBU for paying child caused damage out of wedding gift money?

[Toffifee1]

Let me start by saying i will absolutely always offer or even insist to pay for damage that my child (or I, I‘m clumsy) caused. But this one i thought was unnecessary.

My DC accidentally broke a plate - a regular, plain, rented plate, nothing fancy, no family heirloom - at a wedding. I apologised and cleaned it up. I did not offer to replace it because it was just a plate at a wedding venue, i thought those damages were kind of included.

Additional info: I know the groom was trying to safe every penny in advance of the wedding while the bride wanted everything extravagant and chic and the pair asked for money as gifts. The wedding was at an expensive instagram-worthy location(castle) but they saved money on everything regarding the guests like low budget food(not even enough) and few drinks.

The groom asked me to replace the plate in front of all the other guests. I was honestly a bit taken aback as i still had the envelope with enough money to more than cover my meal in my purse.
So i reached into my purse, took the envelope, took one of the two 100£ notes out and handed it to him saying „This should cover it, you can give me the change later.“

So basically everyone including the groom realised that i just reduced his gift money. Was i being unreasonable?

Are you all placing bets on how long the marriage lasts ..

@Toffifee1

The groom asked me to replace the plate in front of all the other guests. I was honestly a bit taken aback as i still had the envelope with enough money to more than cover my meal in my purse.
So i reached into my purse, took the envelope, took one of the two 100£ notes out and handed it to him saying „This should cover it, you can give me the change later.“

The groom was the one who behaved ungenerously to guests with the paucity of the wedding breakfast and who agreed to take time away from their jobs, spend money and time to attend his wedding, with associated costs. What you said next really was a logical (and quick witted) result of his rudeness.

I think you'll give him the other £100 because it sounds like you realise he's got his hands full with his new wife and it's a lesson learned on good manners for him, going forward. 🌹

Good that he's seen how unreasonable he was - although I too do hope he isn't just faux-apologising to get his hands on the extra £100.

It wasn't just mean to and embarrassing for you, but it probably also made your young child feel really bad as well, when a "Don't worry, dear, it was an accident and nobody got hurt - let's get that cleaned up" would have been much more appropriate.

Ask for a receipt with the change!! Pleaseeee.
I mean, we all know that the venue didn't charge him and that he didn't hand over the money. In fact, I would also contact the venue to ask what they charged him for the broken plate. My fear is that he kept the full amount and that you also gifted him the other £100.

I would have given him the £100 for the plate and told him, in your best McCauley Culkin voice to "Keep the change you filthy animal" before pocketing the other £100 in front of him.

I used to work at a venue and we hired plates in for each event. We would be billed for any plates not returned but NEVER asked the customer to pay.

Honestly glasses and plates get broken all the time at events

I also don’t feel sorry for him. He was stressed about costa then him and his wife should have been having realistic conversations about coats, what was necessary and what was unnecessary.

They clearly weren’t on the same page and probably will be paying for the wedding for a long time. What a miserable start to married life.

Good for you. I would never ask anyone to pay for a plate broken in accident.

Agree!!

Why are so many posters referring to "the change" the groom owes the OP, when she said (in her post at 14.37) that he didn't take the £100 note?

I think you were quite right OP.
I also think not catering properly for your guests is awful. People should want their guests to be just that and to be well fed and comfortable as a priority over opportunities for pretension on social media.
I once went to a very posh wedding where the groom (who was very much a groomzilla and his bride barely got a look in) was well aware my husband and I were vegetarian ( he frequently ridiculed anyone who didn’t live on beef on the bone) but there was no meal for us because he had chosen seafood starter, cottage pie main and suet sponge for pudding.
The poor waitress was so embarrassed when she served our table even though it was not her fault at all. The best she could offer was to scrape some mash off the pie for us which we declined.

I sincerely hope for them to be happy but the odds are stacked against them.
there‘s also a culture clash(she‘s south american) and they married quickly for her visa.

I've not read the whole thread only OP's posts.

I was under the impression that you take out insurance when you organise a wedding and that would have covered any breakages and damage to the venue, would make life a lot less stressful on the day

Well done op. Your response was proportionate.

You absolute legend op. I’d have loved to have been there. What a brilliant response. 10/10.

Oh...😕

But would smaller denominations really have done the same job? A £100 note was 'special'. IIRC, we had to order £50 notes back then too, so no different. Five £20 - not 'special' at all.

I saw his giving these rare notes as akin to wrapping a physical present beautifully, rather than handing it over in a paper bag.

Can't believe folk saying you ere rude. I can't imagine in a million years asking someone to replace a plate that a child had accidentally broken at a wedding, really ill mannered of him. But since his bad manners cost him £100 maybe he'll learn to be less of a knob.

Absolutely brilliant response.

Regardless of his stress level, to demand payment and call you out in front of everyone else over something as basic as a broken plate is poor hosting and very rude.

Your reaction was brilliant and it's only something I would probably think of doing afterwards, rather than having the quick thinking to do it on the spot. I love it.

Me too! Also, if the plates are hired, the cost of a bit of breakage is factored into the hire cost.

I think its says far more about him that he rang you to apologise the next day than his original faux pas.

The first was understandable given the pressure he felt / circumstances even if it was uncalled for, but very few people in life apologise when they're wrong, let alone give a prompt and genuine one or provide it while emotions are still high.

Decent bloke, I think.

That marriage is absolutely doomed.

Not at all. I love it!

Are £100 notes even a thing?

Wow, not sure he's the dick.

So you've now outed him online for having a crap wedding, a fake marriage and having therapy. You sound wonderful.

Having read all your updates @Toffifee1 I am firmly with you and do not feel sorry for him at all. If you can’t replace a plate you cannot afford a wedding. £200 is an extremely generous gift, especially for a too quick visa wedding. I’m glad he’s apologised, but he was still a dick.

This!