AIBU for paying child caused damage out of wedding gift money?

[Toffifee1]

Let me start by saying i will absolutely always offer or even insist to pay for damage that my child (or I, I‘m clumsy) caused. But this one i thought was unnecessary.

My DC accidentally broke a plate - a regular, plain, rented plate, nothing fancy, no family heirloom - at a wedding. I apologised and cleaned it up. I did not offer to replace it because it was just a plate at a wedding venue, i thought those damages were kind of included.

Additional info: I know the groom was trying to safe every penny in advance of the wedding while the bride wanted everything extravagant and chic and the pair asked for money as gifts. The wedding was at an expensive instagram-worthy location(castle) but they saved money on everything regarding the guests like low budget food(not even enough) and few drinks.

The groom asked me to replace the plate in front of all the other guests. I was honestly a bit taken aback as i still had the envelope with enough money to more than cover my meal in my purse.
So i reached into my purse, took the envelope, took one of the two 100£ notes out and handed it to him saying „This should cover it, you can give me the change later.“

So basically everyone including the groom realised that i just reduced his gift money. Was i being unreasonable?

I agree and also agree with the wife. If my child had broken something even accidental, I would have offered to pay, not just assumed they had insurance. Could have been handled better and is good that he apologised.

OP’s disdain for this wedding is what caught my attention more than anything. Could have chosen not to go if it was such a nuisance to attend.

Same! You're amazing!

He‘s still a cheapskate for other reasons as well but people aren‘t black and white and he‘s definitely not all bad. His mother made him apologise and he might be hoping for the rest of the gift money. he also blamed it on his mental health and i can‘t say if thats an excuse or true. I‘m not quite sure what to make of it but while i may or may not give him the rest of the money i‘m not super keen on meeting him and his wife in the future if it can be avoided i think..

I hope you changed a few details, OP, as this scenario will be instantly recognisable to anyone who was there - especially when if this thread is picked up by the press.

He apologised and quite rightly so I'd let it go now. I don't have any issues with how you behaved. I do think poorly of people who care about how their wedding looks over making sure their guests are well fed. If money is an issue then you budget accordingly even if that means having fewer people.

there were some issues leading up to the wedding. They made everyone in the family help out, take vacation days, made a Whatsapp group to borrow stuff for their wedding and asked DHs aunts to prepare desserts and appetizers to safe on food costs(they only bought the main dish from the caterer), talked endlessly about that wedding on xmas, easter and every birthday leading up to the event. Nothing too bad but all a bit cheeky and ungrateful to then ask for a plate to be replaced.

So you’re right, there was absolutely a bit of disdain from my side, i propably wouldn’t have had the courage to speak up if i hadn’t already been worked up about it in a way.

sure did ;)

It was two €500 notes rather than £100 ones wasn't it? 🤣💶💶

Ha! Yes, it was a bloody brilliant move, wasn't it?! 😂❤️😂

honestly given your update I wouldn't bother giving the extra £100.

£100 is already generous for a cousin, he doesn't have to pay for the plate out of it (unsurprising the company didn't charge for one broken plate, I'd be surprised if they even would have known about it if he hadn't told them, are they really going to be counting back every single plate?).

Two adults and 1 small child (discounting the baby whom I assume didn't eat anything) wouldn't have cost that much to host, particularly stingy portions. I would consider £100 to be more than enough as a present even if he hadn't humiliated you - the fact he apologised (while good) doesn't negate it! Presumably attending the wedding cost you some money as well, in travel/outfits, etc? If they couldn't afford a big wedding they shouldn't have had one, not just cross their fingers and hope their guests give them enough money to pay for it!

I'm guessing it was a wine glass that was broken

Aren’t you worried about being outed by this thread? It’s a bit odd to take such a niche family tiff about someone’s wedding to a public forum.

You come across the worst in all this. It’s not your fault the plate smashed but do you then need to critique their wedding choices? Should they have hired more expensive plates so your child doesn’t smash them as easy? It’s quite rich to expect to have a second plate of food too - you usually get each meal catered per person so I’m not sure why you’d expect a second serving. Plus what is with the judgement of your “insta worthy commentary?” It’s a wedding, of course it’s going to be picturesque and it’s not unusual for couples to put effort into decor at a wedding. Why does it need to be called “insta worthy” as opposed to nice wedding decor? What’s really the issue here?

there’s no correlation to their budget and your child smashing the plate, but you seem to take being asked to pay for damages as free reign to criticise the entire wedding. It’s weird, deflective behaviour

I'd keep the other £100 as compensation for any embarrassment at the way he asked you to pay in front of other guests.
👍

🤣 possibly the best responce I've seen to a request for money on mumsnet.

I would have loved to have been there for it 😂

No but you guys almost got me on the £100! How was i supposed to know the english don‘t have such a normal bill? Thanks for scotland and its castles(it was another posh venue btw😂)

@Blackcats7

I once went to a very posh wedding where the groom (who was very much a groomzilla and his bride barely got a look in) was well aware my husband and I were vegetarian ( he frequently ridiculed anyone who didn’t live on beef on the bone) but there was no meal for us because he had chosen seafood starter, cottage pie main and suet sponge for pudding.

This is beyond rude. Did he acknowledge his poor behaviour at all either at the dinner or afterwards? I'd really resent having troubled myself with the expenses incurred (including the wedding gift) in attending the wedding of someone so uncaring of my needs. 🌹

I have to assume you are new to Mumsnet.

The groom asked me to replace the plate in front of all the other guests.

If someone did that to me in front of everyone over an accident I'd just trun around a leave 😄 wth was he thinking?!

Why? I think she‘s making a very good point that you should be careful about what you post.

I totally applaud you OP!

When I worked in catering we rented cutlery and dishes from an external third party and we were liable for the cost of missing items, this was built into the fee we charged clients so it's possible the venue/caterers wouldn't even ask for a replacement. He sounds unpleasant either way I though.

There aren’t. The biggest denomination in England and Wales is £50: https://www.bankofengland.co.uk/banknotes/current-banknotes

Was it a male cousin or a step sister, a plate or a glass, a castle or a yacht, £ or € or $.. it doesn’t even matter because noone in the family speaks english!
Changes are not important for the moral judgement though.

Two things I've learned from this thread....

England don't have £100 notes. Or Google.