Help me not overshare details with nosy school mother

[Primroseoil]

I am helping with a school coffee morning, one of the mothers on the rota with me is a complete alpha pita.

She constantly compares her child to mine, always wants to know what she is doing activities wise & school work wise.. Who my dd has playdate with etc.. Her dc is in my dds class & would be be top sets. I feel she only wants to talk to me when she wants information

I'm an oversharer & have in the past. Please give me tips on how to deal with this! And be kind!

“Oh, I can’t quite remember at the moment.”
”I’m still trying to figure that out.”
”What an extraordinary question!”
”Is that Elvis?”

Don’t worry about offending her, because she isn’t worried about offending you!

You could deflect by asking the same question, my dd is doing well, how is yours, she has had a few play dates yes, yours?

keep it brief, she will soon get the message.

Turn it back on her, be really vague- we’ve not decided etc and ask her questions about her kids, or you could just throw things out there like if you moved where would you go, changed jobs why, what would you do , holidays where, meal plans- bombard and hopefully bore her or she may decide you’re bonkers and she may back off, talk nonsense with you or about herself

@GrumpyOldCrone 😂 "Is that Elvis"! The thoughts of her actually give me the horrors 🤣
It's the constant comparing & trying to find out what dd is up to that does my nut. I yap away & can't stop when put on the spot then I beat myself up afterwards for saying too much..

I've tried counter asking about her dd before & never got a straight answer. She was very coy as if we were playing a game & she wasn't going to get caught out 🤣

Make a list of topics unrelated to your DD and keep her talking about herself. Holiday plans. Books she’s reading. Does she do Pilates. How did she meet her partner. Did she go to university. Did she always know she’d have children. Where she grew up. She keep turning it back to her. If she asks about you “Oh, totally boring! I want to know about you!”

Just bullshit that your child is a maths prodigy or something, that usually gets rid of the nosey bastards.

Oh yes, we don’t have many play dates because Petunia is always so busy with her maths hobby. She adores solving quadratic equations nearly as much as her father and I do.

Then give a hard stare.

😂😂

Just keep it very vague

Hmmm not sure

I don’t know but she seems to enjoy it

No plans right now

Just have 3 stock phrases you can adapt and say them on repeat

The rest of the time appear lost in thought, make no conversation unless spoken to - you are thinking about ‘work’ if she asks

look up grey rock and learn to button it

"Why do you ask?"
Complete with head tilt.
Then in response "Oh, I see", without answering the question.

People don't tend ro get very far when they try this with me as I'm naturally standoffish. In your case I would talk about anything and everything else. In reality I'd tell her all kids are different and you don't appreciate the constant comparisons, that actually it's tiresome and at her age she should know better. Might go down like a lead balloon but at least you've said your peace.

"Oh do we have to talk about this? It's so dull isn't it?" Then change topic to the weather or the news or medical ethics or anything at all tht counts as small talk.

"'Oh I wouldn't know - DP oversees that"

"Here we are talking about the children again at the coffee morning - but tell me about you"

Croak at her that you have laryngitis (yes, I'm a confrontation avoider)

"Oh, are you worried about little Daisy/Algenon? Don't be, I'm sure she/he is normal"

Make a list of kids' activities in the area that are either expensive or require a bit of travel. Every time she gets nosy and competitive, tell her you're planning to take your DC to one of these activities (but never actually go). See how much time and money she wastes trying to keep up. 😉

I've tried counter asking about her dd before & never got a straight answer. She was very coy as if we were playing a game & she wasn't going to get caught out

Well then use the same non-responses she uses with you.

This!!

Maybe add "gosh you ask so many questions",

Or tell her you're going to do something dull and make sure you are armed with extremely dry facts about said dull topic so she regrets asking.

"DC and I are going to the paint drying museum on Saturday. Did you know that the first person to watch paint dry was Robert Wilson in 1768?"

@Primroseoil

Find your inner Film star Garbor I want to be alone mysterious vibe,
Don't know if you have heard of this black and silver actress,

Be constantly vague,

Politely dismissive,

Treat her like annoying acquaintance that you want to swipe away like an irritating Wasp nuisance,
you want to discourage from knowing too much about your personal life,

ask her slightly pointy nosey enquiring questions on a regular basis 🤣 as she will not want to connect 🙄 or so much with somebody,

Ask her opinion about something else school related. Quality of school dinners is a good one. What meals her child likes, views on portion size, variety. Ask her what she usually does for tea, time of dinner etc. Be really nosy.

@Primroseoil
Typo omission Like that *

@Primroseoil

Also say to her

"God I find people like you really weird !!!

"God don't you find people like yourself weird"
Why do you ask so many questions,

Be rude and quite offensive

Saying your thoughts aloud about what you think of her 🤔

@Primroseoil

or

Just incessantly talk about really boring facts knowledge on any subjects,

Come across as Geeky 🤓 or irritating Know all type on boring infor
and repeat what you say often whenever the opportunity you happen to come across her,
School mum
Also say when she talks about her speacial her child is at such a such

You say 🤔 in dismissive attitude ways tones,
"such as saying that's small fry or nothing"
"I watched a programme a child prodigy who can do so much better than your child or say you have got a friend who has a child who I so much more clever than their child "

@Noyesnoyes

Maybe add "gosh you ask so many questions",

I like this. I have, in the past, used something similar when nosy people pestered me with questions.

"My goodness - what a lot of questions. Is there a prize at the end?" Said with a smile. 🌹