Help me not overshare details with nosy school mother

[Primroseoil]

I am helping with a school coffee morning, one of the mothers on the rota with me is a complete alpha pita.

She constantly compares her child to mine, always wants to know what she is doing activities wise & school work wise.. Who my dd has playdate with etc.. Her dc is in my dds class & would be be top sets. I feel she only wants to talk to me when she wants information

I'm an oversharer & have in the past. Please give me tips on how to deal with this! And be kind!

Have fun answering her question but it ways where you only give her information she wasn't interested in.

"Oh yes he does do a few after school things but my favourite is Friday night family board game night. We mostly alternate between cluedo and scrabble but every third Friday we have a wildcard game... whats your family's favourite game? Oh you dont play them? What about movie night then blah blah blah on it goes"

"Yes she does have an interest in sport and music and academic things (vague). Sometimes we like to take them ice-skating on an inset day too, do you ever do that? We hire the skates as we don't have our own but I was thinking of getting some. The children enjoy whizzing round and we usually go out for tea afterwards waffle waffle".

"Playdates with classmates? Oh we do them now and again. The little girl next door often comes round to play too and last week I was asking her if her mum would be expecting her home yet when she told me xyz! Can you beleive it! Do you get on with your neighbours? I remember we once had dreadful people living in the flat above us.... etc"

It can be entertaining to prattle on when you know someone is digging hard for very different info!

Is that Elvis?
Agreed turn it back on her and let her waffle on about her dc, which is what most narcissistic people want to do anyway!

Why does it matter?

Just make stuff up. The more outrageous the better.

I like the, we always talk about the children, it gets really tedious doesn't it. What do you think about climate change? The cost of living? Aren't there a lot of pot holes. All this trans stuff. How are you voting at the next election? What's the most exciting thing you've done at work. If it goes back to children, oh dear back to children again, we don't seem to be able to talk about anything else.

Comebacks:
You:why do you want to know?
Her:just making conversation
You: oh, I see. (say nothing more and walk away)

i notice you ask a lot of pointed questions.
i feel like I'm being interrogated.
you're very curious, aren't you?
Do you like cats? Clowns? Apples? (If you feel brave enough to seem a bit weird)
😂

Enthusiastically overshare but not with the info she wants .. ask loads of open questions .. make it seem like you said so much but said nothing you didn't want to

I wouldn’t even bother to do more than grunt in response. If you don’t want to get into all this competitive parent stuff then don’t. In fact, I’d say as much - comparing kids isn’t healthy so can we change the topic?

On further thought:
Is it possible she's genuinely interested?
Feeling insecure and is trying to confirm to herself she's on the right track with her daughter?
Some people have a difficult time in social situations; or maybe she's on the spectrum? That could account for inability to recognize boundaries?

Just be non committal without being rude-try the same coy phrases she uses

Change place in the rota?

I heard someone say in this situation, yes she's doing very well and I'm proud of her but you know what, we tried for a baby for years and I would've been proud of her whatever she was able to read and whatever she was able to do. Every child is precious to their mother aren't they?

Do let slip that Tuesdays and Thursdays are her MENSA meetings

"Perimenopause is the pits, isn't it? Do I even have a daughter, I can't seem to remember?"

Added points for then adding lots of detail about gushing blood and stained clothes. That should make her run for the hills!

This. Lovely.

Some of these suggestions are so funny! You must try them.
I do think trying to mirror her "coy" replies might be effective. This is how she gets away with not delivering information and that is what you need to do too. You could keep turning things back on her by saying "no, you first, we're always talking about my child, let's hear about yours for a change!"

Throw the questions back at her so you don't divulge.

I have one like this. It’s been six years. I generally go with “Oh you know it’s so busy at the start/end/middle of term, we’re just getting through really”. She has at least stopped badgering me for playdates, which ime are her way of sizing up my kid against hers.

"Esmeralda is doing so well at swahili classes that we're thinking of putting her in for an A level".
"Esmeralda is trying out for the national team for petanque."
"I really shouldn't say anything but Esmeralda may be appearing as an extra in a bbc drama."

I would start by reframing your view of her - she doesn't sound very 'alpha' - fully grown woman behaving like this is not my view of an alpha person, quite the opposite. Pretend she is a child who you are gently trying to teach social skills and appropriateness too.

I agree with being vague and then commenting on the amount of questions. I would pre-plan some completed unrelated topics of conversation and bluntly change the subject straight after it.

Just tell her that your daughter doesn't like you over sharing information about her so you won't talk about what she is up to. Ask her about holidays, work, hobbies, current affairs or anything to do with any other subject.

This is what I was thinking - it may be she’s got some social anxiety or is not sure if she’s doing what she should be and has decided your DD is a good example of a child who’s clearly academically flourishing/well-rounded/popular. The play-dates thing is what makes me think this. Sometimes when my kids were younger I wished I knew all that their parents did about making connections, joining the desirable clubs. The fact she’s evasive might be because she’s competitive or it could be that she doesn’t know if her answers are ‘good enough.’

Tell her a long rambling story involving skateboards and ex-racehounds and being barred from Australia then say "oh my goodness, I was thinking of Bart Simpson. Silly me"

So what, though? Her motivation is irrelevant. She’s being inquisitive.

‘Oh, that’s DD’s business so I can’t share it.’