Help me not overshare details with nosy school mother

[Primroseoil]

I am helping with a school coffee morning, one of the mothers on the rota with me is a complete alpha pita.

She constantly compares her child to mine, always wants to know what she is doing activities wise & school work wise.. Who my dd has playdate with etc.. Her dc is in my dds class & would be be top sets. I feel she only wants to talk to me when she wants information

I'm an oversharer & have in the past. Please give me tips on how to deal with this! And be kind!

Really large headphones. Whrb sge comes over. Just smile and wave dismissively and be nodding your head as if listening to musuc

"Are you writing a book about me?" 😂

I like this. Just give her absolute waffle.

"...Not a bit like you nosy Parker!"
"Have you always been so nosy/rude/intrusive?"
"Are you insecure about your daughters achievements?"

Try these 3 questions and am sure she will get the message. Nosy people really annoy me. Cheeky cow. 😁

Thanks everyone, catching up on all the replies here now!

Hold in your heart this truth OP:
Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to answer it.

If you don't respond at all - that could be rude- but actually answering is not required and failing to do so might not even be noticable.

I observed (from listening to random conversations on the train and in cafes) that speakers often head off course because neither feels obliged to answer directly. Life is not as well constructed as novels are! This is annoying to some of us who expect to tidily answer a question or have one answered but perfectly normal. I plan to learn this skill.

'What level has your DD reached in the reading marathon?'
'Oh - that reminds me, when we were out in the park last week...'

That;s a good tactic. And a good way to make it usable is doing an about-turn to everyday stuff and put the boot on the other foot. ?

"What level has your DD reached in the reaching marathon?"

"Oh sorry, part of me was trying to figure out what we have for dinner tonight. What are you having. I need inspiration!"

Pretend you misheard her question as a different question so when you answer her, you end up saying something that doesn't make sense. Then when she says 'what?', carry on as if you haven't noticed 😂 no one wants to talk to someone who gives them a headache from confusion lol

For example 😂 :

"Who is your DD going on a play date with?"
"Yes my husband likes to play tennis on Wednesdays"
"What?"
"Yeah it's not my cup of tea though!"
"..."

Keep away from this person. Don't offer information and keep replies to a minimum. She's not your friend.

I like the responses so far.

Or you could massively massively lie;

'Petunia's going to space camp at NASA headquarters this summer!'

'Petunia has won a place at The Royal Academy of Music!'

'Petunia is auditioning for a part on Eastenders!'

'Petunia's first novel is going to be published in time for Christmas!'

Etc.

Really use your imagination and go for it.

Excuse yourself to the bathroom.

As a mum of adults, we went through this phase quite a lot when kids were younger. You'll find that such parents are not so inquisitive when it turns out their kids are not so high achieving in adult life and in fact have been a huge disappointment as they've ploughed their entirely different furrows to the ones the parents have set out for them...whilst other kids from very non-privileged and non-pushy homes have done very well. Petty but satisfying!

In cases like this (where all other attempts have failed, but you need to keep your head), think of a load of neutral rubbish to talk about, be it your pet, maybe a recent trip somewhere, some banal trip to the supermarket. Anything neutral, she will get bored and bog off.

That or “wow what a lot of questions for a ‘x’ afternoon”.
i love the Elvis one!

Well at least you have in common that you're both anxious parents.

Just what highly secretive information are you afraid of revealing?

Or what do you think she's really trying to feret out of you? Is it dirt on the children? Is it dirt on the home environments? Is it dirt on the school?

Are you scared she'll try and nab your DD's play dates?

If all else fails, just steer the converations to times tables or teachers. Or keep it on whatever activity you're doing.

For your own amusement, every time she extols the virtues of her child, say "That's nice.' in a cool tone.

Why do I suggest this? Because, if you've ever watched Mrs Brown's Boys, you'll know that 'That's nice' actually means 'Feck off'.

I do this frequently. No one knows why I'm smirking.

I usually go with 'oh dc doesn't like me talking about their school stuff'

Get her to talk about her own daughter. Ask her questions. Also, get your daughter to tell you things that you don’t mind sharing. Eg how the lovely teacher did something nice with the class, or how good this women’s daughter is at something. Ego massaging!

Bounce every question back in a friendly way that makes it clear you’re wondering why on earth you keep being asked questions.

‘Why - do you think what your DC is doing in class isn’t the right level? … Not sure what the topics have been this week.’

’Why? Do you think your DC needs some idea for hobbies to keep them busy? Mine has no particular hobbies - she enjoys all sorts.’

’She’s had play dates with most of the class. Which children do you want to know about specifically?’

Answer "Fine" and then ask exactly the same question back to her about her child Every Single Time.

It works, I used it with pita mums.

Remind yourself before every catch up that you won't over share. Deflect, turn it back onto her. Or think of boring neutral topics to bring up.

Do you ever watch x TV show
What things do you like when not working/ looking after kids

Just try get her to talk about herself. Just make your answers short and sweet

Im a bit of an over sharer when asked and far too honest, this post has been useful thanks!

"Eh, I don't really know..."
"That's a long story, Judy, another time..."
"The less said about that the better!"
"I just wish my Madarin was better so I could help Chloe-Mae more"
"My bunions are fucking killing me"
"How do you feel about cloud seeding?"

Literally the strangest thread I've read in ages in terms of the responses encouraging you to keep info under wraps 😂😂😂

She's asking about your kid not asking you to divulge state secrets.

Yes, these are brilliant!

"Is that Janet?, I haven't seen her in ages"
"Time for me to take my meds"
"BRB I promised myself a cup a tea this morning"
"Hold that thoughts, I just have to go to the loo"

Have a repertoire of nonsense answers

I love responding "Bless"