friend asking me to go away - AIBU ?

[Bigbusheyeyebrows]

My friend is single and will be child free bank holiday weekend while her (practically adult) children are at their dads. She has suggested me and her going away for the weekend

AIBU to think she's BU by asking her me to go away with her for the whole weekend, when I have a partner and younger (12, 14,15) DC at home ?

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I think it's out of order for me to just bugger off the whole 3 days and for my friend to think this is OK/expect me to go.

Not at all! :)

Is it a coincidence that the post starts with ‘My friend is single’? I don’t think so.

Surely the best time to ‘swan off and leave them to it for three days’ is over a bank holiday?!
no work / school drop offs to juggle. No faff of lunch boxes or maybe even after school clubs etc.

id have thought a different time would create more of a headache as any of those above jobs that fall to you wouldn’t need to be covered.

anyway just say no thank you if it’s a problem for you.

So just say, thanks but no thanks. There is no obligation on you to go anywhere if you don't want to.

But your question was whether your friend was unreasonable to ask. And the answer is no, she wasn't.

You can feel however you like about whether or not you spend a BH weekend apart from your family. What's bizarre about your OP is that you're actively offended (apparently very much so) that your friend suggested it. She did absolutely nothing wrong. It was a suggestion. You say, "sorry, I have plans to be with the family" and that's it.

I honestly can't see why you're so terribly offended by her invitation.

But OP didn't ask if she was unreasonable for not wanting to go.

She asked if her friend was "unreasonable" for even asking OP, because OP has a husband and children at home.

Don't you think that's completely bizarre?

This! Just say no Op, no drama!

Even if it is selfish, there’s nothing wrong with being selfish sometimes.

You've made up a weird rule about bank holidays and expect everyone else to think the same. There’s nothing wrong with doing whatever TF you like on a bank holiday (providing each partner gets equal me-time of course)

YABU for thinking she is BU.

She can ask, you can say no.
It's really that simple

This. Bit of time to yourself is not a bad thing

Surely this is a reverse though?

If not, you’re really weird. You can’t countenance spending a single bank holiday without your husband, but you quite happily spend a total of 4 weeks every year without them while you each go in long-haul holidays with friends?? (I’m assuming you go at separate times so one stays with the children).

The other thing is that it’s not just that you don’t want to go, but you have started a thread complaining that your friend is unreasonable to have even asked you as she should have known you’d want spend it with your family.
a) if she knows your track record for going away without them at other times she would have had no reason to expect you’d feel so strongly against it.
b) it’s pretty self-centred of you to expect that your friend will put you at the centre of her thoughts so much that she should know all your feelings and would be unreasonable to even invite you to something.

But it's a BANK HOLIDAY. 😂
You've lost the plot OP.

God I would..... Although I need to work most bank holidays anyway

For context, DS is 6

I've never heard of holding Bank Holidays in such high regard.

Perhaps she thought that because you 'swan off' for two whole weeks without your kids every year a weekend would be ok.

Ffs you’re being weird just say no. What a thing to get upset over - I pity your friend.

You are massively overreacting and sound like hard work.

It’s fine if you think this. But not everyone has signed up for the ‘BHs are family time’ schtik. You are not being unreasonable to decline. But you are deeply unreasonable to think she should have ‘known’ not to ask you.

And you don’t get to fume when your teenagers fester in their rooms all weekend, not having got the memo.

"Sorry partner & DC, amuse yourselves for the 3 days. I'm off for a jolly from the Friday. See you Monday bank holiday evening sometime"

I do this every year, except my DC are 4, 2 and 6 months and I’m gone from Wednesday morning to Monday night.

Not really sure what your looking for in this thread. If doing something without your family on a bank holiday freaks you out that much don't go and suggest another weekend and both book Monday as annual leave.

So you've come up with a really random rule that bank holidays are sacred family time but cannot articulate why.

You are offended that your friend asked you away when surely she knows that you cannot up and leave your family? Except you up and leave your family for weeks at a time.

Oh but it's the bank holiday bit that's the issue. You have no idea why you've come up with this random rule but you expect your friend to know about it and follow it. To the point you're annoyed she even asked you!

Totally understandable. I have lost a few friends because they asked me to go for dinner on the second Wednesday of the month. Surely they know that I can't just up and go out then. I could go out any other time but not the second Wednesday of the month. Why? It just feels weird to me. Like how can I just leave my family? Oh no, any other Wednesday is ok.

I think you sound smug as fuck tbh. The superiority of the "family at home" oozes out of you.

Sometimes it's also nice to support other people. Her home life is clearly different and maybe you could be empathetic and support this.

haha completely sums the lunacy up!

Bit harsh, some people enjoy being at home with their family on Bank holidays.
Doesn't make them "smug as fuck"

There’s no harm in her asking! You might fancy a child-free weekend once in a while, some people in your position would welcome a change of scene. If you don’t, fair enough, but she’s not being weird by simply asking the question. Just politely decline and take a rain check. (In about 10 years when your children have grown up and flown the nest, probably.)

It’s not a preference for staying at home with her family that makes her smug, it’s the idea that her friend should have known not to ask her to go away, because ‘everyone’ apparently should know ‘BHs are for family”.

She’s not BU, lots of people leave their teen kids and go away for the weekend. Unless you dc have SN’s then they are perfectly capable of surviving a weekend without you. I would love a weekend away with a friend, sadly my dd has SN’s and I’m a single parent so it’s a bit tricky.

Its also fine to tell her you don’t want to go.